MsPINKAcres

This weekend while getting things set up at the new house (still not moved in - ha ha ha) Kaileigh and I worked on some things in her room ~ we did a wall with "positive" messages ~ big bright neon signs that we wrote (in PINK of course) the words "dream, faith, believe, dance, hope, love, laugh, smile, etc." we taped them all on her wall ~

I thought every child should have a wall with positive messages in their room

oh why didn't I do that for my girls when they were growing up ~ I know why - because I was too consumed with my addict, alcoholic ex ah to meet their needs. . .

I was such a horrible mother . . .

The God of my understanding is so compassionate that He gives me another chance ~ He allows me to try this again with Kaileigh and my other granddaughters. I so wish I could do more for my other granddaughters. I know their home is NOT healthy. I'm going to make the signs for their room & pray their Mom allows them to put them up ~

I really think thru recovery, My HP's guidance and thru each of you giving me such wonderful support ~ I'm gonna do a better job this time ~ I know the outcome is still between my granddaughters and their HP ~ but I believe I'm giving them better tools than I did my daughters ~ maybe that can be my living amends to them.

Sometimes I can become overwhelmed with the regrets of how I failed to "be there" for my daughters while we were living with the active disease ~ but the hope of the program and my recovery allows me to dream of healing for not only me but for my adult daughters and that maybe ONE day there may be a generation in my family totally unaffected by the disease of alcoholism & addiction. . .

what a beautiful dream . . .

PINK HUGS my friends,
Rita

Tuffgirl

What an awesome idea! I found an old mirror at a thrift store that sat in my garage for months...one day after a particularly low self-esteem day for my teenage daughters, I painted the frame of the mirror and attached wood painted letters spelling 'beautiful' across the top of the mirror. It hangs proudly in our hallway and is used often.

Its the little things like this that can have a life long impact. Thanks for sharing your idea, and your dreams. I hope they come true! ; )

Cyranoak

Well done on coming to grips with it. I'm still working on that, but I'm mostly consumed with guilt that I manifest as anger when I see people making the same mistake I did.

Thanks for sharing it-- so many people need to see this. I know I needed to, and I may even have seen something like it but was too blind to see. Maybe another will be less blind than me.

Take care and thanks again,

Cyranoak

LaTeeDa

Well, maybe I'm just in denial , but I've stopped beating myself up for being a "horrible mother."

Yes, I could have been a much better, more present, healthier role model for my children. Yes, they would have had less suffering in their childhood had I known then what I know now.

But, in the big picture, I know I am a much better mother to my children than my mother was to me. And probably, she was a much better mother to me than her own mother was to her. And, who knows what kind of a mother my grandmother had. So, I see it as positive steps forward over the generations which have allowed me to take it one step farther toward eradicating the dysfunction of alcoholism/codependence in my family. It may not end with me or my children, but I and they have taken it in a positive direction, rather than perpetuating the status quo. Maybe that's all I ever could have done. Maybe it's all I was meant to do.

You are paying it forward. That's a beautiful thing.

L

wow04

You know when my mom used to tell me she did such a horrible job with my brothers and me, I always told her "mom, you did the best you could with what you had."

As for the positive messages I love it. My 13 year old has them all over her room. It is so nice for her to read them.

LaTeeDa

That's the rub, isn't it. Those who are in the middle of it cannot (or will not) see. Those of us who have been there, and made the effort to change it, see it in painful clarity.

L

MsPINKAcres

I know that my Mom truly made some horrible mistakes in raising her 3 children ~ but as an adult now I also see some of the pressures and issues she had to deal with and she had no outlet to release those ~ in the spirit of understanding and healthy compassion ~ I too have learned my Mom did the best she could with what she had at the time ~ she has said often that she wished she had done things differently too ~

I am truly a blessed woman ~ my childhood has been given validation and my parents both have wished they have given me healthier,

as an adult ~ I am learning from my mistakes, made amends to those I have harmed (including myself) and now working on making healthier choices

Today I am giving my daughters & granddaughters every opportunity I can to make healthy choices for themselves . . .

What a blessing. . .

PINK HUGS,
Rita