He played me to get even more off me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
He played me to get even more off me
I don't know why I didn't see this coming a mile away.
I have had it with my abf. He is hardly looking for work now that his unemployment has run out. He is like a parasite and I can't stand it anymore. You would think that if you were living off someone that you'd treat that person like a queen, but no, I get his verbal abuse and just his nasty attitude about everything.
I have not given him money for beer, to pay his car, or his car insurance. He has asked his family for money.
Well, last week, he was nasty, as usual. I told him that I would give him gas money to make the 2 hr drive back to our old hometown to get away from the kids and me. I was THAT desperate to get him out of here. He said fine, and that he would need a battery since his was shot. Well, stupid me, agreed because I wanted him out. OUT. I made it plain as day to him that I wanted him to go back home. He said fine, for a while. Whatever, just to get him away.
Well, he gets what he wants, then leaves. Comes back about 2 hours later, saying that he might have a job lined up and that he's supposed to go this past Friday, the 18th for the interview. I'm MAD. I wanted him gone, and then he pulls this. So, Friday comes, he doesn't go for the interview. I asked him what was going on, he said that he can go this Mon, the 21st for the interview. I asked him for my money back, he says, what money? Then I find out he went out that Thursday, the day I gave him money TO A BAR.
I've been used again. I want him out of here so bad I can't stand it. I'm crying more easily than ever....I'm tired of being used, tired of being expected to do everything and then some.
I am going to an attorney this Thursday to see if he can be forced into being bought out of this house. We both put money into buying this place, and I had to finance a portion in my name only, so that' why he won't leave since it's "his house too." Yeah, the house you pay no utilities for, no food, don't even support your two little babies. I would leave here if I didn't have so much invested in it. I filed bankruptcy only 2 years ago, and walked away from a home (previous marriage that ended in my h's death) I can't do it again. I am NOT about to pay on my financed portion of this home (bc I am trying very hard to rebuild my credit from the bankruptcy and foreclosure) for this loser to stay here when I know he couldn't keep it running b/c he has no money anyway.
I am not about to move my kids from a home they desperately love, where they now have chickens, a dog, a cat, a nice yard they can play in, where they can go swimming at the lake every day in the summer if they want to, or go fishing, where they are finally making new friends (again) after having moved for about the 4th time in less than 5 years for some pathetic alcoholic abusive man child.
I hope the universe, God, or whoever or whatever's out there that something can be done to get him out. I WISH he'd hit me so that I can get a pfa and get his loser, drunk, leech, abusive butt out of here.
I have had it. I am so sad and hurt anymore. I am tired of taking care of him while he does NOTHING.
I have had it with my abf. He is hardly looking for work now that his unemployment has run out. He is like a parasite and I can't stand it anymore. You would think that if you were living off someone that you'd treat that person like a queen, but no, I get his verbal abuse and just his nasty attitude about everything.
I have not given him money for beer, to pay his car, or his car insurance. He has asked his family for money.
Well, last week, he was nasty, as usual. I told him that I would give him gas money to make the 2 hr drive back to our old hometown to get away from the kids and me. I was THAT desperate to get him out of here. He said fine, and that he would need a battery since his was shot. Well, stupid me, agreed because I wanted him out. OUT. I made it plain as day to him that I wanted him to go back home. He said fine, for a while. Whatever, just to get him away.
Well, he gets what he wants, then leaves. Comes back about 2 hours later, saying that he might have a job lined up and that he's supposed to go this past Friday, the 18th for the interview. I'm MAD. I wanted him gone, and then he pulls this. So, Friday comes, he doesn't go for the interview. I asked him what was going on, he said that he can go this Mon, the 21st for the interview. I asked him for my money back, he says, what money? Then I find out he went out that Thursday, the day I gave him money TO A BAR.
I've been used again. I want him out of here so bad I can't stand it. I'm crying more easily than ever....I'm tired of being used, tired of being expected to do everything and then some.
I am going to an attorney this Thursday to see if he can be forced into being bought out of this house. We both put money into buying this place, and I had to finance a portion in my name only, so that' why he won't leave since it's "his house too." Yeah, the house you pay no utilities for, no food, don't even support your two little babies. I would leave here if I didn't have so much invested in it. I filed bankruptcy only 2 years ago, and walked away from a home (previous marriage that ended in my h's death) I can't do it again. I am NOT about to pay on my financed portion of this home (bc I am trying very hard to rebuild my credit from the bankruptcy and foreclosure) for this loser to stay here when I know he couldn't keep it running b/c he has no money anyway.
I am not about to move my kids from a home they desperately love, where they now have chickens, a dog, a cat, a nice yard they can play in, where they can go swimming at the lake every day in the summer if they want to, or go fishing, where they are finally making new friends (again) after having moved for about the 4th time in less than 5 years for some pathetic alcoholic abusive man child.
I hope the universe, God, or whoever or whatever's out there that something can be done to get him out. I WISH he'd hit me so that I can get a pfa and get his loser, drunk, leech, abusive butt out of here.
I have had it. I am so sad and hurt anymore. I am tired of taking care of him while he does NOTHING.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
I hope that you can find a way to get him out of your home so that you and the children can have a peaceful life in a good place that is familiar to you. Hopefully some of the other posters may have had experience with your living situation and can give you advice on how to get him out.
It's so telling that so many of us post so many of the same things. The addict and his/her broken promises, the financial exploitation, the entitled attitude, us running ourselves ragged trying to do more and more as the addict does less and less AND burdens us with their abusive behavior.
I've been struggling with missing my AX for a few days, but reading your post helps me because it reminds me of so many of the same things that I went through. I never felt so exploited in my life as I did by my AX. And like you said, you would think that someone who is taking handouts would at least not be a jerk to you and would utilize your help as a springboard for getting their lives in order, but instead they take everything out on you and do nothing to contribute. It really makes no sense; the only explanation is the insanity of addiction.
My AX used to say that his drinking wasn't hurting anyone but himself. It's unbelievable to me that he couldn't see the impact it was having on me, my kids, our friends and families...but I see it now, and have gotten out of it, and that's all that really matters.
Stay strong. It sounds like you are providing a good life for your kids and that you know how important it is for them to have a stable home life in a place where they have friends--having a community that you feel you are a part of us is a huge part of having a good life as a single parent. If worse comes to worst and you end up having to leave your home, chances are that you will be able to find something else pretty good to move into in your same community, and things will be okay.
It's funny that addicts need that kind of stability more than anyone, and typically choose to be with partners who can give it to them because they are incapable of providing it for themselves. But then they go and destroy it with their addiction, and then blame their partners for things not being good enough.
It's so telling that so many of us post so many of the same things. The addict and his/her broken promises, the financial exploitation, the entitled attitude, us running ourselves ragged trying to do more and more as the addict does less and less AND burdens us with their abusive behavior.
I've been struggling with missing my AX for a few days, but reading your post helps me because it reminds me of so many of the same things that I went through. I never felt so exploited in my life as I did by my AX. And like you said, you would think that someone who is taking handouts would at least not be a jerk to you and would utilize your help as a springboard for getting their lives in order, but instead they take everything out on you and do nothing to contribute. It really makes no sense; the only explanation is the insanity of addiction.
My AX used to say that his drinking wasn't hurting anyone but himself. It's unbelievable to me that he couldn't see the impact it was having on me, my kids, our friends and families...but I see it now, and have gotten out of it, and that's all that really matters.
Stay strong. It sounds like you are providing a good life for your kids and that you know how important it is for them to have a stable home life in a place where they have friends--having a community that you feel you are a part of us is a huge part of having a good life as a single parent. If worse comes to worst and you end up having to leave your home, chances are that you will be able to find something else pretty good to move into in your same community, and things will be okay.
It's funny that addicts need that kind of stability more than anyone, and typically choose to be with partners who can give it to them because they are incapable of providing it for themselves. But then they go and destroy it with their addiction, and then blame their partners for things not being good enough.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
My family already said that they'd help as far as buying him out. I am really nervous about losing this place as I had a very hard time finding a place to rent back in our old town....too big a family, bad credit, etc. I have a total of 5 kiddos. So, I guess that's why these landlords were saying that.
The only reason I was able to buy this place was by using my late h's old retirement account. When abf was fired from his job, he got a lump sum pension. So, we actually used cash to buy the home...there wasn't enough for a certain amount, so the man we bought it off of, actually financed me out of his own money. So.....you can see why I'm so upset about this.
I kick myself EVERY day for letting abf buy part of it. I technically own more than half, but I don't think that matters.
I would think the fact that I've pretty much been paying for him and totally supporting our twins would account for something.
Just after I posted this, he had the nerve to come to me to "take care of him," if YKWIM.
The audacity.
Then when I denied him, he told me that if he ends up having to leave, he'll "wipe out" this house. He has threatened to burn it down in the past. Isn't that nice?
The only reason I was able to buy this place was by using my late h's old retirement account. When abf was fired from his job, he got a lump sum pension. So, we actually used cash to buy the home...there wasn't enough for a certain amount, so the man we bought it off of, actually financed me out of his own money. So.....you can see why I'm so upset about this.
I kick myself EVERY day for letting abf buy part of it. I technically own more than half, but I don't think that matters.
I would think the fact that I've pretty much been paying for him and totally supporting our twins would account for something.
Just after I posted this, he had the nerve to come to me to "take care of him," if YKWIM.
The audacity.
Then when I denied him, he told me that if he ends up having to leave, he'll "wipe out" this house. He has threatened to burn it down in the past. Isn't that nice?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Whenever I read a post about children (as in child support) and violence (real or threatend) I tend to read all the prior posts to get a picture in my head of the situation. Probably a habit from my time working in juvenile and family law court ops.
Anyway, I noticed your first posts when you first got here concerning the fact that you have 2 children with your ABF and that you had found an attorney that gave you good information at that time.
I would respectfully suggest you talk to your attorney about the threats he has made on you, your children, and your property. I would also talk about child support and also talk about the real estate you jointly own. I cannot give you legal advice but those three items together along with his desire for money for the sole purpose of drinking....
Well, let's just say that a good attorney should be able to protect you, your children, and your assets. I wish you well.
Anyway, I noticed your first posts when you first got here concerning the fact that you have 2 children with your ABF and that you had found an attorney that gave you good information at that time.
I would respectfully suggest you talk to your attorney about the threats he has made on you, your children, and your property. I would also talk about child support and also talk about the real estate you jointly own. I cannot give you legal advice but those three items together along with his desire for money for the sole purpose of drinking....
Well, let's just say that a good attorney should be able to protect you, your children, and your assets. I wish you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
I am going back to that attorney on Thurs. I REALLY hope that she can help. I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt for tooooooo long now.
Sounds corny but it's like that line from Adele's song..."finally I can see you crystal clear..." My blinders are off and burned....
Sounds corny but it's like that line from Adele's song..."finally I can see you crystal clear..." My blinders are off and burned....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
Yes sadly both our names are on it. We own the home (it's a preowned double wide) but I had financed the skirting and the underparts, I guess you could say.
And, yes, what a winner to threaten to burn his kids' home. He threatens and flips me off in front of said children b/c I get him mad. He still refuses to give me my money, but yet went out again to buy more beer.
Amazing how it is somehow always your fault. Bet he does not go for that interview tomorrow. If he ever had one in the first place.
And, yes, what a winner to threaten to burn his kids' home. He threatens and flips me off in front of said children b/c I get him mad. He still refuses to give me my money, but yet went out again to buy more beer.
Amazing how it is somehow always your fault. Bet he does not go for that interview tomorrow. If he ever had one in the first place.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
