RAH manic and obssessively pursuing monetary acquisition...driven, alienating
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Wicked,"Meow, meow" is similar to 'quack' or 'yadda yadda'
do you have a child with an A, recovering or otherwise?
He has parental rights.
We are separated.
The therapist is our sons psychologist. It was his assessment that having the father at the sessions would be beneficial. It has been.
I have to deal with him, because we have a child.
It is his sobriety, and ideally I would be seamlessly detached, but due to his flim flamming, and his VERY convincing positive strides at times, it is tricky to write it all off.
As usual, he is frustrating, and I depend on him to contribute financially, to keep his schedule with our son because it is best for the child. Thats the word of his psychologist.
Do you think I do not wish I could run away and have NC? That is not an option at this time. I have no grounds for that right now. He is "stable" on paper, holds a job, makes great money. His behavior, whacky and driven is not evident to people he passes by in everyday life. It is evident to me, because I have to maintain a schedule with him.
Having the therapist witness the flagging in and out of commitment is crucial, if he does become more, or dangerously inconsistent or driven. That is court material, there. A credible, accredited witness, who can and does take note of every time he switches his stance on issues, doesn't show up, or shifts blame in an unhealthy way.
That doctor has helped our son incredilbly, and I trust him. He sees the narcissistic elements at play, he is smart, and he is grounded...and he keeps my sons best interest at the forefront at all times.
My son has been seeing this therapist for almost two years. RASTBexH just started going at Therapists express request. He was stumped, having trouble understanding how to help our son without seeing, and dealing first hand with the other most important figure in childs life.
A is also going to the sessions to be held accountable for the frustrations and anger that our son experiences. He has to face that and answer to it directly, rather than it all falling to me. Which is healthy for me, and for our son, and like it or not, for his father, because he is pretty darned good at keeping his consequences at bay.
Does that mean I am not flabbergasted and disappointed that the man I fell in love with years ago got sober, finally, and is still a nutty bag of nails?
I am in a state of disbelief. It is hard to believe the denial that people are willing to accept. His family is so happy that he is not homeless, and physically sick that they just overlook the weirdness, because it doesnt really rock their boats, and his friends are happy, because he is now there for them, present, not loaded and whatnot...
But for me, dealing with everyday parenting, with him coming up with a new plan, a new Mount Everest to climb every week is rocking my boat. I am trying to get to a level of consistency and commitment on the parenting front.
Yes, his obssessive tanning and general emotional disconnection IS my concern...for the same reason that some of you question his safety when alone with our son. I have to keep an eye on that.
And for many folks here, at SR, they know what I am dealing with, and they have experienced the difficulty in letting go after you have helped to get your loved one sober, and there are more issues, deeper and stranger than you thought there would be.
I am not an emotionally superhuman person.
YES I am bitter. And I do feel that my "investment" in his sobriety was a bad investment. But, apparently, not for OUR SON, who is thriving, now that his dad is taking part in his sessions, keeping a schedule relatively regularly, compared to before.
So, we do what is best for our children, even if we had those children with raging alcoholics.
And sometimes we log onto SR to vent about how sh*tty it can be to deal with someone who is still not keeping up their end of the parenting
.
do you have a child with an A, recovering or otherwise?
He has parental rights.
We are separated.
The therapist is our sons psychologist. It was his assessment that having the father at the sessions would be beneficial. It has been.
I have to deal with him, because we have a child.
It is his sobriety, and ideally I would be seamlessly detached, but due to his flim flamming, and his VERY convincing positive strides at times, it is tricky to write it all off.
As usual, he is frustrating, and I depend on him to contribute financially, to keep his schedule with our son because it is best for the child. Thats the word of his psychologist.
Do you think I do not wish I could run away and have NC? That is not an option at this time. I have no grounds for that right now. He is "stable" on paper, holds a job, makes great money. His behavior, whacky and driven is not evident to people he passes by in everyday life. It is evident to me, because I have to maintain a schedule with him.
Having the therapist witness the flagging in and out of commitment is crucial, if he does become more, or dangerously inconsistent or driven. That is court material, there. A credible, accredited witness, who can and does take note of every time he switches his stance on issues, doesn't show up, or shifts blame in an unhealthy way.
That doctor has helped our son incredilbly, and I trust him. He sees the narcissistic elements at play, he is smart, and he is grounded...and he keeps my sons best interest at the forefront at all times.
My son has been seeing this therapist for almost two years. RASTBexH just started going at Therapists express request. He was stumped, having trouble understanding how to help our son without seeing, and dealing first hand with the other most important figure in childs life.
A is also going to the sessions to be held accountable for the frustrations and anger that our son experiences. He has to face that and answer to it directly, rather than it all falling to me. Which is healthy for me, and for our son, and like it or not, for his father, because he is pretty darned good at keeping his consequences at bay.
Does that mean I am not flabbergasted and disappointed that the man I fell in love with years ago got sober, finally, and is still a nutty bag of nails?
I am in a state of disbelief. It is hard to believe the denial that people are willing to accept. His family is so happy that he is not homeless, and physically sick that they just overlook the weirdness, because it doesnt really rock their boats, and his friends are happy, because he is now there for them, present, not loaded and whatnot...
But for me, dealing with everyday parenting, with him coming up with a new plan, a new Mount Everest to climb every week is rocking my boat. I am trying to get to a level of consistency and commitment on the parenting front.
Yes, his obssessive tanning and general emotional disconnection IS my concern...for the same reason that some of you question his safety when alone with our son. I have to keep an eye on that.
And for many folks here, at SR, they know what I am dealing with, and they have experienced the difficulty in letting go after you have helped to get your loved one sober, and there are more issues, deeper and stranger than you thought there would be.
I am not an emotionally superhuman person.
YES I am bitter. And I do feel that my "investment" in his sobriety was a bad investment. But, apparently, not for OUR SON, who is thriving, now that his dad is taking part in his sessions, keeping a schedule relatively regularly, compared to before.
So, we do what is best for our children, even if we had those children with raging alcoholics.
And sometimes we log onto SR to vent about how sh*tty it can be to deal with someone who is still not keeping up their end of the parenting
.
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