April 22 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON
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April 22 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON
April 22 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
“How can I both love and hate the alcoholic?” is a question often asked in Al-Anon meetings. Both are evidences of our personal concern for someone; we neither love nor hate those in whom we have no interest. In a sense, they are two sides of the same coin. Love has a chance to flower in a shared life; hate is love twisted and warped by disillusionment and despair.
If this really is one powerful basic emotion, love can replace hate when I can bring myself to torture it with hope and with faith in the inherent goodness of another human being.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I want to recognize and appreciate the good and lovable qualities of the alcoholic, and not hate him, but the sickness from which he suffers. His gradual awareness of my appreciation of him as a person can rebuild his confidence and self-esteem and create a desire for sobriety.
“By love I do not mean natural tenderness, which is in people according to their constitution, but I see it as a larger principle of the soul, founded in reason and spiritual understanding, which makes us kind and gentle to all our fellow creatures as creations of God.” – William Law
“How can I both love and hate the alcoholic?” is a question often asked in Al-Anon meetings. Both are evidences of our personal concern for someone; we neither love nor hate those in whom we have no interest. In a sense, they are two sides of the same coin. Love has a chance to flower in a shared life; hate is love twisted and warped by disillusionment and despair.
If this really is one powerful basic emotion, love can replace hate when I can bring myself to torture it with hope and with faith in the inherent goodness of another human being.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I want to recognize and appreciate the good and lovable qualities of the alcoholic, and not hate him, but the sickness from which he suffers. His gradual awareness of my appreciation of him as a person can rebuild his confidence and self-esteem and create a desire for sobriety.
“By love I do not mean natural tenderness, which is in people according to their constitution, but I see it as a larger principle of the soul, founded in reason and spiritual understanding, which makes us kind and gentle to all our fellow creatures as creations of God.” – William Law
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Originally Posted by MeredithD1 
April 22 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
TODAY’S REMINDER
His gradual awareness of my appreciation of him as a person can rebuild his confidence and self-esteem and create a desire for sobriety.
TODAY’S REMINDER
His gradual awareness of my appreciation of him as a person can rebuild his confidence and self-esteem and create a desire for sobriety.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Hmm yeah my first thought was it is co-dependent. But I don't think the point here is "if I am nice enough he will change". I am at a point now where I am close to forgiving my XAH, and trying to get this perspective of "wishing him well and celebrating his successes" from a reasonable distance. I am 100% certain that hating him does no good, but rather accepting him as it is while keeping him at a reasonable distance is working very well. After all - he is a human being (albeit flawed - aren't we all) with a bad decease.
Everything is not black and white - we are all social human beings and thrive only with acceptance and approval. He was unacceptable to me as a life partner hence we parted ways, but he can very well become a successful human being.
Everything is not black and white - we are all social human beings and thrive only with acceptance and approval. He was unacceptable to me as a life partner hence we parted ways, but he can very well become a successful human being.
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Thank you Nata and I agree with that sentiment 
I'm still battling in my relationship and I absolutely do not hate him despite the things he has done to me. Like you I see him not as a life partner simply because he is unable to be, but I do see him as a good person who is sick and I pray for his recovery.
I'm still battling in my relationship and I absolutely do not hate him despite the things he has done to me. Like you I see him not as a life partner simply because he is unable to be, but I do see him as a good person who is sick and I pray for his recovery.
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i think the piece that might be missing is....there is a difference between someone who is just your run of the mill alcoholic/addict AND an alcoholic/addict with other issues......anger issues, control issues, mommy issues.
there are those who get drunk and stupid.....and those that get drunk and stupid and MEAN. there are people who know their affliction is harming others....and others who don't care.
one of those can be reached by kindness, empathy and compassion. the other will see those same things as weaknesses they can exploit.
there are those who get drunk and stupid.....and those that get drunk and stupid and MEAN. there are people who know their affliction is harming others....and others who don't care.
one of those can be reached by kindness, empathy and compassion. the other will see those same things as weaknesses they can exploit.
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