celticgenes

Hi, all, and thanks for your very supportive posts re: my AXF dictating to me how/when/where he will be JOINING ME!!!!!! on the vacation I had planned with my kids.

Now, that is obviously not happening, but something is. I decided to go full NO CONTACT, as I felt that I had no rational response to this nuttiness. As for irrational responses, I can think of more than a few.

Another, more desperate VM today. So pathetic, he starts the call off by calling me by his ex-wife's name (intentionally, of course). What are we, twelve years old. Well, maybe he is. Again, this one went to the ignore bin.

Then this evening, my son called my cell to say that the AXF had just called the house twice. He assured me that no one answered. When I picked up the message, he was drunk, claiming I had ruined his life, etc. and here's where I need the advice................

He finished the call by saying that as soon as he had the opportunity, he would ruin mine. That I should just be aware.

So, do I call the cops? No specific threat was made. Do I call his son, who is a cop to see if he can feel out the situation? I am away on business (AXF does not know this), and my teenagers are home with an adult sitter. Not sure whether to let it pass or take action. HELP!!!

changeschoices

Does he have a history of being violent in the past?

Even if he doesn't, for your children's sake, I would notify the police and the sitter.

Don't call his son. Blood is thicker than water. His son will not likely help you if he thinks his dad could be arrested.

If you don't have a home security system, get one. Mine helps me immensely with peace of mind!

celticgenes

Hi, CC, thanks. I did make a call to the PD in his town. They said I could come in and make out a complaint for harassing phone calls. I did explain that he was an alcoholic with multiple weapons in his home.

Sometimes I wonder about the PD. I realize this is not a murder case, but wouldn't it be great to get ahead of the game.

Spes

Are you able to get a Court "Order for Protection" in your town? The Police are limited in what they can do unless a crime is committed. Violation of a Protection Order generally mandates the Police to arrest the violator.

I don't know your history nor the laws of your State; I'm just hoping this suggestion helps you.

inpieces314

Drugs do horrible things to people. You never know, he may eventually become violent. It may eventually become a murder case.


Yeah, I seem to be the bearer of bad news today. However, it would be good to start a trail of this stuff with him, so if it continues, or gets worse, you have evidence.

celticgenes

In pieces, grim post, but I know I can't kid myself. Have been putting off getting a restraining order to avoid escalating the hostility. It may be escalating without my input.

Will run it by my therapist (appt early next week), or call the PD again if it continues.

This really sucks. Our split has obviously not caused my 61 year old ex to examine his life. I didn't really think he would, thus the ended relationship, but I am certainly examining my life and choices.

Thanks for all of the input, I was pretty keyed up!

Going to bed now. Serenity prayer time.

Tuffgirl

Hang in there, celtic. He may easily forget today all that he said yesterday.

inpieces314

That makes me wonder, kinda OT, but whatever.

You know when they are in the midst of a "blackout" and say the worst things EVER, and then claim they don't know what they said later?

Sometimes I wonder if they really do forget or if they just use that "blackout" as an excuse.

(Sorry for the OT post-back to the vacation.)

Cyranoak

I'm sorry you are going through this. Just a note, however, that full no contact means full no contact. Reading and listening to messages is contact. No contact is literal. There aren't exceptions.

That said, for some people in some situations no contact isn't possible (legal reasons, shared businesses, etc.). Other people decide it isn't for them and decide they can handle it (some are right, some are wrong). But, if it is possible and you don't do it it's because you aren't doing it.

No contact means no contact. That's the entire list of instructions. I'm not saying it's easy, but there it is.

Cyranoak