The ExBF has finally asked to end it for good..
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
The ExBF has finally asked to end it for good..
I guess an Ex is an ex.
But, this one and myself have been going back and forth now for the last few months.
After our blowout the other night he has had enough. He puts the blame on me wanting to go out with my friends instead of wanting to be with him. He blames it on me not being what he needs or wants. About me being independent and not needing a man in my life.
He asked me not to contact him, stalk him, search him out or anything else. To just leave him alone to heal and move on..and for me to do the same.
That little part of me that needs him to hold me hurts like hell. I believe in my own recovery from this that my last piece of my struggle is to be able to love myself fully and learn to love myself first and foremost. It's the final piece. I am at a point in my life where there is no back up. No guy waiting in the wings to fill in for the one that left. Nobody else to hold me and make me feel better.
No, this needs to come from within me. If I can survive this, and I will, that piece that's broken will heal. And, I will be ready to bring in the love that is right for me. That is healthy and kind, considerate and respectful, loving and giving without being smothering.
As I type this I see the empty beer bottle sitting on the ground next to the grill from the last time he was here. I can't seem to get myself to throw it out, yet it is such a symbol of the living hell I've been through the last 2 1/2 years.
I'm going to get through this...I just need to learn what to do with the emotions when they hit and avoid him at all cost. I need to live my life now and so does he.
On a last note, I am in no hurry or have any desire to date anyone or even deal with men right now. Yet, he can't wait to get back out there. He's already looking for a date for tomorrow night because life is short, he has plans for the summer and needs to find a girlfriend asap. I wish him well in that. But, I pity the next woman that comes along.
But, this one and myself have been going back and forth now for the last few months.
After our blowout the other night he has had enough. He puts the blame on me wanting to go out with my friends instead of wanting to be with him. He blames it on me not being what he needs or wants. About me being independent and not needing a man in my life.
He asked me not to contact him, stalk him, search him out or anything else. To just leave him alone to heal and move on..and for me to do the same.
That little part of me that needs him to hold me hurts like hell. I believe in my own recovery from this that my last piece of my struggle is to be able to love myself fully and learn to love myself first and foremost. It's the final piece. I am at a point in my life where there is no back up. No guy waiting in the wings to fill in for the one that left. Nobody else to hold me and make me feel better.
No, this needs to come from within me. If I can survive this, and I will, that piece that's broken will heal. And, I will be ready to bring in the love that is right for me. That is healthy and kind, considerate and respectful, loving and giving without being smothering.
As I type this I see the empty beer bottle sitting on the ground next to the grill from the last time he was here. I can't seem to get myself to throw it out, yet it is such a symbol of the living hell I've been through the last 2 1/2 years.
I'm going to get through this...I just need to learn what to do with the emotions when they hit and avoid him at all cost. I need to live my life now and so does he.
On a last note, I am in no hurry or have any desire to date anyone or even deal with men right now. Yet, he can't wait to get back out there. He's already looking for a date for tomorrow night because life is short, he has plans for the summer and needs to find a girlfriend asap. I wish him well in that. But, I pity the next woman that comes along.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi itsmylifenow
You will get through this.
If it is of any help it has been 3 years since I broke up with someone similar. To this day he keeps drinking and is the same man. I on the other hand have become wiser, stronger and more compassionate. I am now doing things that I love and I am healthier, lost weight, have time to be creative... I feel bad for anyone in the path of active alcoholics. The suffering and confusion is incredible.
Keep on with this attitude, life gets so much better, I never thought it would but now I see everyone was right
You will get through this.
If it is of any help it has been 3 years since I broke up with someone similar. To this day he keeps drinking and is the same man. I on the other hand have become wiser, stronger and more compassionate. I am now doing things that I love and I am healthier, lost weight, have time to be creative... I feel bad for anyone in the path of active alcoholics. The suffering and confusion is incredible.
Keep on with this attitude, life gets so much better, I never thought it would but now I see everyone was right
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
You were in it for different reasons. He needed you to be his enabler until you stopped enabling well enough and started asking him for accountability (good for you). Now he needs a new one and that's exactly what he'll easily find.
Codependent enablers are all around us-- knowing what I know now because of this disease and my experiences with it, if I wanted a woman just to have one I could get one to say she was my girlfriend and who would start "helping" me in less than a week. It takes alcoholics less than a day to do the same thing.
It hurts, but you were taken for a ride and you refused to get off even in the face of reason which is another problem. Count your blessings he told you to move on. Now move on, but not to another alcoholic/addict, and make sure you get the counseling you need to make good decisions in this regard going forward.
Or, just go for another ride.
Cyranoak
Codependent enablers are all around us-- knowing what I know now because of this disease and my experiences with it, if I wanted a woman just to have one I could get one to say she was my girlfriend and who would start "helping" me in less than a week. It takes alcoholics less than a day to do the same thing.
It hurts, but you were taken for a ride and you refused to get off even in the face of reason which is another problem. Count your blessings he told you to move on. Now move on, but not to another alcoholic/addict, and make sure you get the counseling you need to make good decisions in this regard going forward.
Or, just go for another ride.
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by itsmylifenow 
As I type this I see the empty beer bottle sitting on the ground next to the grill from the last time he was here. I can't seem to get myself to throw it out, yet it is such a symbol of the living hell I've been through the last 2 1/2 years.
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