My Goodness!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
My Goodness!
Merry Christmas, first and foremost to all of you! I hope the holidays are coming along well for everyone. I havent had a chance to be on here lately, life once again has carried me away. I just got home, went to my parents house in st louis for christmas. My daughter is still there and I am here at home having to work this weekend, so I came home early.
Its tuff you know around the holidays, everyone here knows what I mean... it makes me hurt for the times my daughter and I did have with my x-A during the holidays. Seems like it was times like this he did actaully act somewhat decent. I went home this year and thought it would be good, and it was for the most part. I'm glad I did it for my daughter so she could spend time with her grandparents.
But theres an indescribable sense of un closeness between me and my parents, that I wish could be different but its not. Everytime my father looks at me he has an extremly big look of dissapointment on his face. Alot has to do with my past choices, esp in dealing with my x-A. I cant even discuss new prospects with them for their fear of the same thing happening to me over again. I just wish they would beleive in me a little more. I'm 31 years old and still sit here and wish I could please them in some sort of way. Thing is, its difficult to do that because once the holidays are over with I go back to my routine of calling every once in a while. i just wish I had a different realtionship with them. I will never judge my daughter. I know all to well how that feels.
I've also discovered something else about myself...( im finding im doing this more and more here lately) I've discovered how independant on me I am. Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but I think this is why I have been having a hard time letting people into my life. Sometimes I feel like I am shutting myself off from the possibility of being happy, esp with someone. I let and allow fear to guide my choices sometimes. I know I shouldnt do that, but I cant help it sometimes from my past. Is this ok sometimes? Or am I not doing something right? Is it my intuition talking to me or what? Im talking about progressing in relationships..I have met alot of people..but somewhere somehow I stop myself from taking steps further.
This stuff weighs on me heavy...I just dont want to run from something that might be right for me.
A couple of weeks ago I lost my best friend Angie, she moved to Virginia with her husband. She and I have been best friends for the past 15 years. Shes someone I talked to alot every day. And worked with, and lived a building away from. I miss her badly. Shes kept me going every day since I left my A. Its hard not talking to her as much as we did. I wish she was here.
Sorry, let alot out...had too...hope you all are doing well....and Merry Christmas...
Love you all!
Its tuff you know around the holidays, everyone here knows what I mean... it makes me hurt for the times my daughter and I did have with my x-A during the holidays. Seems like it was times like this he did actaully act somewhat decent. I went home this year and thought it would be good, and it was for the most part. I'm glad I did it for my daughter so she could spend time with her grandparents.
But theres an indescribable sense of un closeness between me and my parents, that I wish could be different but its not. Everytime my father looks at me he has an extremly big look of dissapointment on his face. Alot has to do with my past choices, esp in dealing with my x-A. I cant even discuss new prospects with them for their fear of the same thing happening to me over again. I just wish they would beleive in me a little more. I'm 31 years old and still sit here and wish I could please them in some sort of way. Thing is, its difficult to do that because once the holidays are over with I go back to my routine of calling every once in a while. i just wish I had a different realtionship with them. I will never judge my daughter. I know all to well how that feels.
I've also discovered something else about myself...( im finding im doing this more and more here lately) I've discovered how independant on me I am. Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but I think this is why I have been having a hard time letting people into my life. Sometimes I feel like I am shutting myself off from the possibility of being happy, esp with someone. I let and allow fear to guide my choices sometimes. I know I shouldnt do that, but I cant help it sometimes from my past. Is this ok sometimes? Or am I not doing something right? Is it my intuition talking to me or what? Im talking about progressing in relationships..I have met alot of people..but somewhere somehow I stop myself from taking steps further.
This stuff weighs on me heavy...I just dont want to run from something that might be right for me.
A couple of weeks ago I lost my best friend Angie, she moved to Virginia with her husband. She and I have been best friends for the past 15 years. Shes someone I talked to alot every day. And worked with, and lived a building away from. I miss her badly. Shes kept me going every day since I left my A. Its hard not talking to her as much as we did. I wish she was here.
Sorry, let alot out...had too...hope you all are doing well....and Merry Christmas...
Love you all!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,472
******{Bonbon}}}}
this time of year is hard for alot. It's to bad you have to work and couldn't stay there with your family. And to have your friend so far away.....not easy!
It's good that you felt that you could come here and share this with us thou. OH and that fear thing....I know all to well. Fear is one of the things that gets a hold on us and if we're not careful keeps us from enjoying life and experiencing that great adventure out there. Dealing with hurt and disappointment in life's little twists and turns can be tricky without the right tools to do so. Luckily we have the support here to learn how to use those tools and to lift us up when we are having a hard time of it!
I hope the rest of your holiday goes good for you.
Hugs from Pony
this time of year is hard for alot. It's to bad you have to work and couldn't stay there with your family. And to have your friend so far away.....not easy!
It's good that you felt that you could come here and share this with us thou. OH and that fear thing....I know all to well. Fear is one of the things that gets a hold on us and if we're not careful keeps us from enjoying life and experiencing that great adventure out there. Dealing with hurt and disappointment in life's little twists and turns can be tricky without the right tools to do so. Luckily we have the support here to learn how to use those tools and to lift us up when we are having a hard time of it!
I hope the rest of your holiday goes good for you.
Hugs from Pony
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: N. Greenbush, N.Y.
Posts: 15
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Afterall, you did have the courage to leave the relationship with your ex. Many people do not have that much strength. Being independent isn't a bad thing. I became that way after leaving my relationship with my ex. For me, some of it stems from trust issues and just not wanting to be vulnerable or hurt again. As long as we are true to ourselves we can't go wrong.
Laurie
Laurie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
****{Bonbon}}}
There is nothing wrong with being careful and trusting your instincts. Taking your time and choosing a safe and loving relationship will bring you its own reward in the end. It takes time to sort through the losers and find one who is just perfect for you, but he's out there Bonbon, just waiting for you to find him.
You may feel a little out of sorts, but just look at how far you have come! You have an inner strength now that you didn't have before, and knowing that you can look after yourself will eliminate the need to depend on anyone else and leave you free to take all the time you need.
I hope this coming New Year will bring you many blessings, Bonbon, and am so glad to see you back here sharing with us.
Hugs
Ann
There is nothing wrong with being careful and trusting your instincts. Taking your time and choosing a safe and loving relationship will bring you its own reward in the end. It takes time to sort through the losers and find one who is just perfect for you, but he's out there Bonbon, just waiting for you to find him.
You may feel a little out of sorts, but just look at how far you have come! You have an inner strength now that you didn't have before, and knowing that you can look after yourself will eliminate the need to depend on anyone else and leave you free to take all the time you need.
I hope this coming New Year will bring you many blessings, Bonbon, and am so glad to see you back here sharing with us.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: N. Greenbush, N.Y.
Posts: 15
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ann
[B]****{Bonbon}}}
You may feel a little out of sorts, but just look at how far you have come! You have an inner strength now that you didn't have before, and knowing that you can look after yourself will eliminate the need to depend on anyone else and leave you free to take all the time you need.
I couldn't have said it better!!!!
Laurie
[B]****{Bonbon}}}
You may feel a little out of sorts, but just look at how far you have come! You have an inner strength now that you didn't have before, and knowing that you can look after yourself will eliminate the need to depend on anyone else and leave you free to take all the time you need.
I couldn't have said it better!!!!
Laurie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Hi bonbon,
Merry Christmas. My father has that same look all the time too. The only difference is since having my kids, I am much closer to my parents and now that they have moved here, I see the look A LOT. I've had to do a lot of work around it so as not to go crazy in the midst of my somewhat crazy life already.LOL
There's a lot of boundary issues at play in my situation. My father worries if he thinks I am not handling something well or if he is not happy with the amount of time it's taking me to repair something, etc. These issues are my responsibility and they are about my life. I can't stop him from judging everything I do in my life. I sure wish he wouldn't worry himself so much. I do know, however, that it's inappropriate for him to be so wrapped up in my personal affairs that he imposes his views and feelings on me regardless if it's through looks of disappointment or unwarranted advice.
This is a boundary issue with him and it has nothing to do with you. As long as you're comfortable with your choices, you are the only approval you need. If you're anything like me then a big part of picking the kinds of relationships you do have everything to do with seeking that approval that you felt you have never gotten from your parents. I know that's what it is for me.
The more I believe in myself, approve of myself, and separate myself from the issues those close to me have within their own lives, the closer I get to autonomy and independence, even while I'm living among all the crap.LOL
Merry Christmas. My father has that same look all the time too. The only difference is since having my kids, I am much closer to my parents and now that they have moved here, I see the look A LOT. I've had to do a lot of work around it so as not to go crazy in the midst of my somewhat crazy life already.LOL
There's a lot of boundary issues at play in my situation. My father worries if he thinks I am not handling something well or if he is not happy with the amount of time it's taking me to repair something, etc. These issues are my responsibility and they are about my life. I can't stop him from judging everything I do in my life. I sure wish he wouldn't worry himself so much. I do know, however, that it's inappropriate for him to be so wrapped up in my personal affairs that he imposes his views and feelings on me regardless if it's through looks of disappointment or unwarranted advice.
This is a boundary issue with him and it has nothing to do with you. As long as you're comfortable with your choices, you are the only approval you need. If you're anything like me then a big part of picking the kinds of relationships you do have everything to do with seeking that approval that you felt you have never gotten from your parents. I know that's what it is for me.
The more I believe in myself, approve of myself, and separate myself from the issues those close to me have within their own lives, the closer I get to autonomy and independence, even while I'm living among all the crap.LOL
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
