Chalkie

...to all of my newfound 'friends and family'. I haven't been on here for a week or so. It seems I only show up when I'm feeling a crisis and for that, I apologize. Many times, I'm reading (lurking), but don't feel I have anything pertinent to add, but usually, I learn something...get that proverbial pop upside the head. Thank you.

I saw my A for the first time in two months last Sunday. I went to the family orientation meeting (strangely, his sister who gave me the inquisition the prior week wasn't there!) and was surprised by being allowed an unplanned visit, due to the distance I drive for these meetings/visits and because it is the Holiday season. He shared alot with me, gave me the opportunity to ask questions, at which time, I had none. Naturally, given the time to dwell on our discussion, some things have come to mind. Although I've never caught him lying to me outright, he did reveal some info of things going on during the course of our relationship before entering rehab. I'm not totally surprised by these admissions, but a bit disappointed and hurt because although he hadn't lied or denied any actions/words, he wasn't forthcoming w/the complete truth. Is this something I need to let pass? I know when I see him this Sunday, he's going to ask what questions/feelings/thoughts I now have. Do I tell him (to not do so would make me just as 'guilty' as he is, no?) my twinge of hurt or let it pass because all that was said was in the past. If I try to let all of this go and succeed, will I suffer consequences later because I didn't bring these half-truths to his attention? I realize I'm being vague, and there's no intent as I write this. Just alot of scrambled thoughts right now.

Thank you all for being here, allowing me to vent, question and cry. I see a long road ahead for me, longer than I imagined since I'm just now feeling the need for Al-Anon (remember, I'm the one who thought I didn't fit in).

May God Bless All of You during this Holiday Season and into 2004!

Chalkie
<think I'll go read those Codie Christmas Carols again...time to giggle!>

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Chalkie.

You don't have to bring them to his attention. He knows. He knows you know. He knows you know he knows you know.

Happy Holidays to you!
Hugs,
Smoke

Chalkie

Thanks Smoke. You're right and again, proof that sometimes, I just need to be TOLD what's what.

I didn't want to make the mistake of putting him on the defensive just because of some questions/feelings I have that really shouldn't matter as he works on becoming the new and better him and I work on becoming a new and different me.

He DOES know.