LucyA

Fedup, my Aunt has a situation which is in some ways similar to yours, we don't think alcohol is involved but its a toxic situation all the same. Her son, for some reason seems to be trying to turn his children against her. (The general family consensus is that his wife has something against the fact that she was fifteen and a single parent when he was born! But we're not sure, obviously his wife is perfect....)
She can't do anything about her situation at the moment, but she's love to be a proper Grandma/Nanna whatever, so she's keeping a diary of what she'd like to be doing with her Grandkids, because she's a little bit worried that what she'd really like to be doing is getting lost in the drama and arguments. The little ones are blameless in all this, but they're the ones who carry it with them in the things they see and hear, and maybe the things they miss out on. She just want's to be a Nanna, and I'd imagine her grandkids just want a Nanna too.
It's too easy in all this mess of alcoholism and madness to forget what role we could have, some of us become carers for other family members, some of us just forget where we are altogether. Normal family stuff gets pushed to one side, but it's important!
You have Grandkids, you should be able to enjoy them, not have them turned against you! Write a diary for them, they won't understand it now, but in years to come they will, and they'll appreciate the honesty and explanations, and maybe so will you!
I'm keeping a diary for my nephew, it's going to be a part of his 18th birthday presents, a very low key part but a part all the same.
I'm rambling a bit now, but I personally think this is a very important part of the kids growing up. I don't know how old they are but they are being affected and influenced however young they are.
I hope you can sort something for you and your dad x

brownhorse

I am not exactly sure your laws but it was explained to me in Michigan you can just go to the court house and your dad can file an eviction notice. She should then have 30 days to get out or can be physical removed. At that point a PPO can be filed. Good luck.

FedUpWith2Brats

Thanks horse,but here in IL it is almost impossible to evict someone with kids, especially family members, and during what is considered winter months. Also, neither my dad nor I really want to have to evict her, we want her to be able to move out on good terms and be capable of providing for her family. My grandkids have already went through so much turmoil in their short lives that an eviction would just further traumatize them. They were severely abused by their now ex stepmom and all need therapy. One, the 9 yr old, has been suicidal, and the other two are emotional wrecks also.
I think the fact that I have finally stood up to her and her rages, and actually followed through with a threat-ie calling Elder Abuse and Senior Services, has shown her that Mama ain't gonna put up with no more baloney! Since she came home this afternoon and my dad talked to her she has been incredibly mellow. We are now on speaking terms and she quit keeping the kids away from me. I think she realizes that now SHE is the one who will be walking on eggshells instead of us, and it is time to change her behavior and her whole lifestyle.
I hope she can do it. I love her and don't want to lose her, but I do plan on having my own life from this day forward. No more cancelling plans to accommodate her, no more enabling her to not be a responsible parent/adult, no more anything that I don't want to do. I gave up 35 yrs of my life to raise my kids, and I got nothing out of it except beautiful grandchildren, which is a wonderful blessing, but there is more to life than grandchildren. It is time for ME to have a life, and I intend to have one. I deserve it.

catlovermi

If I did not trust someone in my own household, I would make sure that multiple third parties were aware of the situation and knew who to contact if a situation were discovered and had open invitations to stop by at random, (such as in your case your friends or your father's friends). And then I would let the untrustworthy party know that this could happen at any time. This keeps the untrustworthy party on their toes, never knowing, and not able to plan to clean themself up for a scheduled visit. You are dealing with someone who goes bad behind closed doors. Take away those figurative doors and let that person feel unsure of being exposed. Stay one step ahead.

Wonderful progress, so far - I hope you and your father are feeling a beginning of relief!

Sending support.

CLMI