Jennifer124

Hey guys, I have been going back and forth in my mind about leaving, I have not given the 30 day notice to my landlord yet. Always worried about him, where is he going to go and with what money? ARRGH. Anyways, I am looking at an apartment today, and I just need to stay strong and follow through with this. I don't want to get there and then decide I am a chicken and to weak to change this unhealthy situation.......
How is everyone????

mayalewiston

Please stay strong. I moved into my new apartment on Monday and I would be lying if I told you this hasn't been the worst week of my life. In full disclosure, I've had major regrets and wonder if I had made a hasty decision. My AH is starting an intensive outpatient rehab program on Monday (1st rehab he has ever done) and I started thinking things were going to improve and was actually already thinking about moving back to my house. He has been saying all of the right things, things I've never heard him say, so I'm thinking "Wow, this is the wake up call he needed - he finally gets it."

Then... reality sets in and I am reminded yet again why I left. Not only did he break the ONE commitment to me that he was supposed to do (call the body shop about my car - this has been on his list for 4 weeks) which he PROMISED he would do yesterday as he knows his dependability is a big issue for me, he then sent a ridiculously expensive bouquet of flowers... I waited until the end of the day to call him and ask him about calling the car place and sure enough "oops, I forgot." He didn't get that I would MUCH rather have him be dependable than send a stupid $200 bouquet of flowers!! After being sober for 4 days, he then used this situation as an excuse to drink last night (we share banking so I saw it), and now "doesn't have time" to deal with me. He even told me last night when we hung up that he was going to come by in the AM with a latte for me and just to say hello... but sure enough, didn't have time since he drank last night.

Sorry to ramble on about myself, but just wanted you to know even if you are having doubts, if you think you have had enough - JUST DO IT. My AH has promised me everything under the sun in the past few days and now he is back to his same old tricks.

Doubt this is helpful, but as someone who has been doubting my decision to move out all week, I just wanted to let you know that it only took 4 DAYS for me to realize it was the right one. I'm guessing if you are looking at places, you are ready

LifeRecovery

My healing for me, myself and I really started when I went out on my own. I was too sick to not enable prior to that.

I did better when I focused on me, and I could not have done with living with my loved one who was my qualifier.

That is just my experience though.

laurie6781

NOT your problem (((((Jennifer)))))

It is HIS PROBLEM. Those are consequences of HIS ACTIONS.

You need to take care of you.

Good luck apartment hunting. I hope you find the one quickly that 'speaks to you.'

Love and hugs,

mayalewiston

How did it go with the apartment today?

Jennifer124

I love how you guys say "is he worried about where he will go and with what money," because funny thing is...... NOPE. not at all, just keeps going out almost every night, spending who knows how much. This is how he sucked me back in last year....-"I overspent this month, dont have the money I need for the deposit (renting a room from someones house."
LOVED the apartment yesterday, except only on the inside. It was beautiful and modern, but the outside was dirty and run down, entrance through the alley, neighbors in front look like PARTYERS. It is right near the beach, and this is what happens (run down is what I can afford), so I am still considering.
I have to come to this forum every day for strength. It is getting easier, because my ABF is just mostly gone, and not trying to "change(hide)" drinking. My friend apparently was trying to say last night that he needs to figue out his priorities, and he still thinks I am being uptight about "all the friends events" that gone on through the weeks (my ABF has to attend EVERY SINGLE ONE). It's the "the sky is blue, lets have a party and drink" syndrome.

mayalewiston

Well, sounds like it is time to look at more apartments... you will find the right one. Have you thought of staying in your current place and just kicking him out? Not sure if that works for you - unfortunately for me, I couldn't afford our house by myself and majorly downgraded. Hang in there. Only you will know when you find the right place and your are absolutely ready. I wonder if he feels it coming since he isn't trying to hide it as much, etc... My AH got like that at the end as well... almost like he wanted me to catch him so he could be rid of the "me constantly looking over his shoulder, me judging him, me being too emotional, etc". He actually told me today that he drinks much less - in moderation - when I am not around and he is traveling for work, etc... it is once again the stress of ME that forces him to be an alcoholic. Keep me updated... xo

Jennifer124

Still looking at apartments The thing that has changed has been within me. I have stopped assuming responsibilty. I don't worry about how he will survive, because he does not care that I worry, why should I? I don't say a word about his drinking, because I have NO FUTURE with him. I wish I saw the light years ago, actually wish I found this forum years ago! Thanks to all!

OnTheRise

Keep the strength, keep the focus....on you and what your needs are. You are jumping over the biggest hurdle right now. The only advice I can say is that living on/near the beach definately has its redeeming features; and as far as the "partyers" I have found that a high powered water canon will usually send them elsewhere. Smile, you are entering a golden age of your own making. And just think, tomorrow you will be even stronger.

Carol Star

they would have money if they hadn't spent it all on drugs and alcohol......