Divorce/annulment from the addict spouse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Divorce/annulment from the addict spouse
I spoke with the family law attorney yesterday, and he seems to think I have a strong case for annulment and divorce from my AH. I'm just afraid that the legal fees are going to escalate to unaffordable amounts.
My AH has said numerous times that he will not sign annulment or divorce paperwork from me, so I'm fairly sure that it will be contested, which would cost me much more than if he was agreeable.
Anyway, to those that have gone through this process, I'd like to hear your experiences. Also if you've separated or gone through mediation, I'd love to hear that too.
My AH has said numerous times that he will not sign annulment or divorce paperwork from me, so I'm fairly sure that it will be contested, which would cost me much more than if he was agreeable.
Anyway, to those that have gone through this process, I'd like to hear your experiences. Also if you've separated or gone through mediation, I'd love to hear that too.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
If he is like mine (and most I have heard about), the active alcoholic is being a bully.
When it comes to actually hiring their own attorney and spending their precious alcohol resources - pffffsh - nothing but hot air.
What mine said when I announced my intention to divorce:
"you know this house is in my name only" (true, and my inheritance money is what paid the down payment)
I replied in a very calm voice:
"Yes. You can keep your house. I plan to move myself and the children out of this house. We will also need to swap vehicles since my truck is in your name, and your car is in both our names. We can swap whenever it is convenient."
I had already spoken with an attorney. I knew what my rights were and what my best interests were going to be in our sitation.
I suggest making a plan for the worst case, while hoping for the best of legal outcomes.
When it comes to actually hiring their own attorney and spending their precious alcohol resources - pffffsh - nothing but hot air.
What mine said when I announced my intention to divorce:
"you know this house is in my name only" (true, and my inheritance money is what paid the down payment)
I replied in a very calm voice:
"Yes. You can keep your house. I plan to move myself and the children out of this house. We will also need to swap vehicles since my truck is in your name, and your car is in both our names. We can swap whenever it is convenient."
I had already spoken with an attorney. I knew what my rights were and what my best interests were going to be in our sitation.
I suggest making a plan for the worst case, while hoping for the best of legal outcomes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
My AH postured and pronounced all over the place, but when I served him with separation papers giving me all the marital assets and liabilities (which were already in my name as he hadn't held a job in 8 years), he signed. Unless he turns to recovery, I can assume he only cares about alcohol, not about me or what used to be us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
I am stunned that New York does not recognize no-fault divorce.
"Identify grounds for divorce. New York is not a no-fault divorce state, so you can only get divorced either after receiving a legal separation and living separately for a period of one year, or on the basis of some fault in your spouse. The fault grounds for divorce in New York are cruel and inhuman treatment, abandonment, adultery and three consecutive years of imprisonment."
THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS???? Holeeeeey cr-p!
"Identify grounds for divorce. New York is not a no-fault divorce state, so you can only get divorced either after receiving a legal separation and living separately for a period of one year, or on the basis of some fault in your spouse. The fault grounds for divorce in New York are cruel and inhuman treatment, abandonment, adultery and three consecutive years of imprisonment."
THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS???? Holeeeeey cr-p!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
Mediation is only an option if you have a completely rational, sober person on the other side. I had to file, and right away, as the bullying/threatening started right away. Filing included a financial restraining order to prevent him from liquidating assets or kicking me off the health ins plan (which he did....it had to be reinstated) It's been a nightmare and will cost a bundle...he's fired his attorney, drunk emails my attorney and all my friends. Refuses to submit required documents. Then threatens me for "holding things up" Did I say nightmare?
Eventually, he'll have to go before the judge and his shennanigans will end. It will have cost me a bundle. But eventually it will be over and I'm confident a fair settlement will be reached.
Then I never want to see, hear from, hear about or ever think of him ever, ever again.
Eventually, he'll have to go before the judge and his shennanigans will end. It will have cost me a bundle. But eventually it will be over and I'm confident a fair settlement will be reached.
Then I never want to see, hear from, hear about or ever think of him ever, ever again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by velma929 
I am stunned that New York does not recognize no-fault divorce.
"Identify grounds for divorce. New York is not a no-fault divorce state, so you can only get divorced either after receiving a legal separation and living separately for a period of one year, or on the basis of some fault in your spouse. The fault grounds for divorce in New York are cruel and inhuman treatment, abandonment, adultery and three consecutive years of imprisonment."
THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS???? Holeeeeey cr-p!
"Identify grounds for divorce. New York is not a no-fault divorce state, so you can only get divorced either after receiving a legal separation and living separately for a period of one year, or on the basis of some fault in your spouse. The fault grounds for divorce in New York are cruel and inhuman treatment, abandonment, adultery and three consecutive years of imprisonment."
THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS???? Holeeeeey cr-p!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
Not sure what you mean by annulment AND divorce. It's one or the other, isn't it? Annulment means the marriage either was not legal or was never consumated. Divorce is different, the marriage was legal and consumated.
I've divorced two different AHs, but both in no-fault, community property states. Neither one contested and there were no kids or tangible assets in either case so it was a simple matter of filing paperwork at the courthouse, unilaterally. No lawyer, no need for him to show up, just sign the paperwork and there is even a contingency for divorcing someone when he refuses to sign the paperwork. Neither CA nor WA has any interest in forcing someone to stay married when they don't want to be married anymore. I did the paperwork in the evenings and took a couple hours or whatever off work when I had to go file paperwork. WA did require an actual court appearance before a judge but the other spouse didn't need to show up. Filing fees were minimal.
If you have children or valuable assets like a house then you need a lawyer.
I've divorced two different AHs, but both in no-fault, community property states. Neither one contested and there were no kids or tangible assets in either case so it was a simple matter of filing paperwork at the courthouse, unilaterally. No lawyer, no need for him to show up, just sign the paperwork and there is even a contingency for divorcing someone when he refuses to sign the paperwork. Neither CA nor WA has any interest in forcing someone to stay married when they don't want to be married anymore. I did the paperwork in the evenings and took a couple hours or whatever off work when I had to go file paperwork. WA did require an actual court appearance before a judge but the other spouse didn't need to show up. Filing fees were minimal.
If you have children or valuable assets like a house then you need a lawyer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Thank you for your advice. My attorney suggested I file for both annulment and divorce because if the annulment gets shot down, I'll still have the divorce filings as well.
I'm still not sure exactly which way I'll go. As far as I've seen annulment requires a lawyer and divorce does not. We have no combined assets or children.
I'm still not sure exactly which way I'll go. As far as I've seen annulment requires a lawyer and divorce does not. We have no combined assets or children.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
I've just started the divorce proceedings with my AW. I'm using a lawyer because there are some 401k's, IRA's and pensions involved I while I don't mind her getting her fair share I still want to protect myself.
As I read somewhere else in this forum, the reason divorces are so expensive is because they are worth it.
Your friend,
As I read somewhere else in this forum, the reason divorces are so expensive is because they are worth it.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I filed for divorce with the help of an attorney. We have children and had debt/assets.
I did not do a separation or mediation. My xah was not willing to separate and mediation was not an option because he was not reasonable. So I divorced him. I'm in a no-fault community property state. He thought he'd trap me with his 'no compromise' stance and a few hurled threats and he was wrong.
He made things difficult and there were some added legal fee's as a result but in the end there was no court fight so it was manageable. It was a 50/50 split for the most part. I lost on the house because he did not pay any of the mortgage after I filed (ever really) and I also put about $1500 into it and I did not recoup any of that when it was sold. Again it was a 50/50 split. I'd have spent more in legal fees then I lost though and it was worth it just to get it sold and get it all over with. I thought I was going to have to have a judge handle it because he was refusing to sign any of the house papers. I told him I'd get the court to do it and that I'd also be asking for more then 50% of the profit if I did and so he finally cooperated.
I did not do a separation or mediation. My xah was not willing to separate and mediation was not an option because he was not reasonable. So I divorced him. I'm in a no-fault community property state. He thought he'd trap me with his 'no compromise' stance and a few hurled threats and he was wrong.
He made things difficult and there were some added legal fee's as a result but in the end there was no court fight so it was manageable. It was a 50/50 split for the most part. I lost on the house because he did not pay any of the mortgage after I filed (ever really) and I also put about $1500 into it and I did not recoup any of that when it was sold. Again it was a 50/50 split. I'd have spent more in legal fees then I lost though and it was worth it just to get it sold and get it all over with. I thought I was going to have to have a judge handle it because he was refusing to sign any of the house papers. I told him I'd get the court to do it and that I'd also be asking for more then 50% of the profit if I did and so he finally cooperated.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
So glad you are seeking the advice of your attorney ~ Some AH's are just all words, some actually do follow thru with the threats ~ mine did.
It was not pretty, but I made it thru ~ why? because I was determined even if I had to sleep in a cardboard box on the side of the road ~ it was better than the way I was living being married to my now exah! 3 yrs later - I'll say it again ~ it was worth every penny, struggle, and court date!
wishing you the very best!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
It was not pretty, but I made it thru ~ why? because I was determined even if I had to sleep in a cardboard box on the side of the road ~ it was better than the way I was living being married to my now exah! 3 yrs later - I'll say it again ~ it was worth every penny, struggle, and court date!
wishing you the very best!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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