RoundII

It is soon time to think about my next family trip to visit relatives. I am trying to decide if I should ask my AW to come with me or not. I am searching for the strength to have this conversation with her and what my boundries will be. Although she is not at the falling down drunk stage or abusive when she drinks, I really don't want her to embarrass herself in front of my family. I know I cannot control this, but can control whether I travel alone or not.
I honestly would like her to go as she has missed the last few visits due to work ( not drinking related), but am not sure if she can/will stay sober for the trip which would be one of my boundries. I will ponder it a few days.
Thanks for listening.

MyBetterWorld

well, why are you wanting this boundary? I would ask myself...do I not want her along because I don't want to deal with her when she is drunk...or do I not want her along because if she embarasses herself in front of my family then they will know she is an alcoholic? Hiding it from family only perpetuates it, in my experience. ONce I wasn't hiding it, it became so much easier on me.

You need to think about what is best for you, my friend.

Cyranoak

Bringing her will be a recipe for disaster. You know exactly what will happen if you take her. You know it. Round II, this is Denial. Denial, this is Round II-- I think you already know each other.

Good luck,

Cyranoak

RoundII

Although I am fairly new in self recovery, I have learned to take my time making decisions and to think them through. Not obsessively, but rationally. I came to the realization that I was trying to set a boundry on someone else, and not myself. I can only control my own actions.
I shouldn't worry that she may embarrass herself, or that the family may see she is drinking again. That is NOT a reflection on me, it is on her. I cannot allow it to affect the quality of my time with family.
SO,
I just casually mentioned that I was planning on taking the trip during my next vacation period and gave her the dates. I did not invite or discourage her from coming. That is her decision to make, and I'll enjoy my trip either way.
It may be a recipe for disaster- but I don't have to eat the cake. If I keep working at it I will eventually find my peace.