I Must Be Healing
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I Must Be Healing
Two weeks ago I received word from my AW that I would be getting the divorce papers in the mail. After two weeks, nothing, then on Sunday I get an email that I would be getting them on Tuesday. So lets recap, Thanksgiving - getting papers, Christmas - getting papers, New Years - getting papers. I do believe she may be trying to affect my Holidays. This didn't come as a suprise. Not sure why she is trying to be hurtful, but it seems that's the way she is going. Perhaps this time (Tuesday) I will get the papers and be able to move forward. That is, if she decides to return my items along with the papers, otherwise, more delay.
This time there wasn't even any disappointment in seeing this type of message from her. I think I'm healing.
This time there wasn't even any disappointment in seeing this type of message from her. I think I'm healing.
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No surprise, no papers today, but they are in the "mail". I took the time today to "reverse" engineer a friends old set of papers and now have a copy that puts me as the person who is filing. Really a rather simple thing to do. I have been holding out, letting her pay for anything up to this point, no need for me to spend my money, but I decided that if I haven't received them and my items back by March 1st, i will file myself. i think it's time I took control of my future, our future ended when she chose beer and pain killers.
This whole ordeal/situation/thing (whatever you want to call it) has taught me that regardless of what people say one day, the next day it can all change. That's okay, because now my eyes are open to it and I won't be caught off guard in the future.
This whole ordeal/situation/thing (whatever you want to call it) has taught me that regardless of what people say one day, the next day it can all change. That's okay, because now my eyes are open to it and I won't be caught off guard in the future.
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Well I found out today that I "Did" receive divorce paperwork on Valentines day, it was just sent to my fathers address and he wasn't in town. Unfortunately, the personal items that were supposed to have been returned along with the paperwork hasn't shown up.
I broke my no contact rule today and sent an email to her work asking when the other items would be returned. I won't be able to sign the papers until the items are returned and I'm hopeful that I won't have to hire an attorney just to get them back.
While it was disappointing to actually get the paperwork, the fact that this is almost over feels better than I thought it would.
I broke my no contact rule today and sent an email to her work asking when the other items would be returned. I won't be able to sign the papers until the items are returned and I'm hopeful that I won't have to hire an attorney just to get them back.
While it was disappointing to actually get the paperwork, the fact that this is almost over feels better than I thought it would.
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Well I probably should have sent a letter instead of an email. It went just about the way any of you would expect. She acted like she didn't know she was supposed to send me any of these items and then in the dreaded "ALL CAPS" asked me what else she had to do to get the papers signed.
Perhaps I didn't respond correctly, but to be honest it felt good. I told her that she could start acting like a "human being". I put up with her Christmas Card (addressed to her and her ex-boyfriend but sent to me), put up with getting papers on Valentines day, I had done everything I said I would do when I said I would do it and that I could have treated her in the same manner but haven't. For some reason she is trying to inflict pain, and someday she would regret her actions.
Got the typical response that she wasn't aware that it was even Valentines day when I was getting the papers. I could believe her if I wanted to or not, it didn't matter to her.
She then sent another that said she would be sending my stuff back to me along with half of the money she owes. And that I could sign the papers whenever, she was "DONE WITH IT".
Now I should have stopped there, I know! Me Culpa... but I responded and said "Thank you" for sending the items, but saying your done with it is just an easy way of avoiding what you will someday regret (her actions during this and her "unplanned" timings of events). Right now, I understand it all doesn't mean a thing to you. It's dissapointing, but I get it.
Her response: "I don't get what you are saying"
Oh well, end of emailing. Hopefully by next week I have my items returned (Not holding my breath on the money!) and I can sign the papers and move forward to the next step (Bankruptcy - *****! (sarcasm)). Then I won't have any more steps to take concerning this Alcoholic - who by the way, still hasn't seen that drinking or pills had anything to do with this. I know, I know, were both to blame, it's partially to equally my fault as well...
Perhaps I didn't respond correctly, but to be honest it felt good. I told her that she could start acting like a "human being". I put up with her Christmas Card (addressed to her and her ex-boyfriend but sent to me), put up with getting papers on Valentines day, I had done everything I said I would do when I said I would do it and that I could have treated her in the same manner but haven't. For some reason she is trying to inflict pain, and someday she would regret her actions.
Got the typical response that she wasn't aware that it was even Valentines day when I was getting the papers. I could believe her if I wanted to or not, it didn't matter to her.
She then sent another that said she would be sending my stuff back to me along with half of the money she owes. And that I could sign the papers whenever, she was "DONE WITH IT".
Now I should have stopped there, I know! Me Culpa... but I responded and said "Thank you" for sending the items, but saying your done with it is just an easy way of avoiding what you will someday regret (her actions during this and her "unplanned" timings of events). Right now, I understand it all doesn't mean a thing to you. It's dissapointing, but I get it.
Her response: "I don't get what you are saying"
Oh well, end of emailing. Hopefully by next week I have my items returned (Not holding my breath on the money!) and I can sign the papers and move forward to the next step (Bankruptcy - *****! (sarcasm)). Then I won't have any more steps to take concerning this Alcoholic - who by the way, still hasn't seen that drinking or pills had anything to do with this. I know, I know, were both to blame, it's partially to equally my fault as well...
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I knew that breaking the no contact rule was going to cause issues, so for those of you reading this, keep it in mind. Unfortunately I had to do it to get the items back prior to the papers being signed.
Well I received a phone message last night that said the things would be returned via mail today (put in the mail today) so I'll probably get them sometime next week if they show up.
The voice mail that I received and the messages from yesterday all said that she "needs" me to sign the papers quickly. It seems like she has something going on and I'm holding it up. I don't really care what is going on, it's none of my business.
Now for the part where Advice is needed: I don't have a problem signing the papers, but I feel like I should make her wait and wonder for a while about when they are coming. This may be petty of me, but after the things that have occured, I don't feel like I need to help her in any way. I know it delays it out on myside for getting to the next step.
Does anyone see an issue with this? Am I just being petty?
Well I received a phone message last night that said the things would be returned via mail today (put in the mail today) so I'll probably get them sometime next week if they show up.
The voice mail that I received and the messages from yesterday all said that she "needs" me to sign the papers quickly. It seems like she has something going on and I'm holding it up. I don't really care what is going on, it's none of my business.
Now for the part where Advice is needed: I don't have a problem signing the papers, but I feel like I should make her wait and wonder for a while about when they are coming. This may be petty of me, but after the things that have occured, I don't feel like I need to help her in any way. I know it delays it out on myside for getting to the next step.
Does anyone see an issue with this? Am I just being petty?
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Originally Posted by LostinBA 
Now for the part where Advice is needed: I don't have a problem signing the papers, but I feel like I should make her wait and wonder for a while about when they are coming. This may be petty of me, but after the things that have occured, I don't feel like I need to help her in any way. I know it delays it out on myside for getting to the next step.
These days I try to do the next right thing, and remind myself that "God's will, not mine, be done."
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Don't know if this is "Divine" intervention or perhaps Karma, but I won't be getting my stuff back probably until next week. Turns out MIL had a stroke today.
Yes, I was nice and told her that I hope she gets to feeling better and to take care of herself and MIL.
Which now gives me until next week to sign the papers (after I get my stuff back). Talked with my Therapist today and he reminded me that this is a "gift" or an "opportunity" and to not look at it like a "failure".
For those going through this, A Therapist truely helps! The outside informed knowledge and advice is well worth the cost.
Yes, I was nice and told her that I hope she gets to feeling better and to take care of herself and MIL.
Which now gives me until next week to sign the papers (after I get my stuff back). Talked with my Therapist today and he reminded me that this is a "gift" or an "opportunity" and to not look at it like a "failure".
For those going through this, A Therapist truely helps! The outside informed knowledge and advice is well worth the cost.
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After two weeks of waiting i finally got my items returned yesterday. So I guess it's good news, I can now proceed with the paperwork. I have had it looked over and everything is as good as it can be, considering everything. I was already to mail it back and what do I get today, an email from the AW telling me that she wants me to hurry up and sign the papers so she can get her maiden name back before the next teaching year. If I didn't sign by Friday she was going to hire an attorney and it would be contested divorce instead of uncontested.
Now normally this would have bothered me, but this time it didn't. I replied back that I hoped her mother was doing good (stroke supposedly) and that I don't react to threats. I will return the paperwork when I'm done reviewing it.
Now my dilemma, do I make her wait a week for the papers, or do I just send them to her, or do I send them directly to her attorney so that I don't have to wait.
It's funny how much things have changed for me since this all began. Between the counseling and Al-anon, I know that I'm going to be fine. I guess that sort of answers my dilemma above. I'm ready for her to get out of my life. So i'll send the papers back tomorrow.
Then the last wait I have to deal with her is for her to file the papers. Luckily it seems like she is hot to get this done, so I shouldn't have to wait to long.
Now normally this would have bothered me, but this time it didn't. I replied back that I hoped her mother was doing good (stroke supposedly) and that I don't react to threats. I will return the paperwork when I'm done reviewing it.
Now my dilemma, do I make her wait a week for the papers, or do I just send them to her, or do I send them directly to her attorney so that I don't have to wait.
It's funny how much things have changed for me since this all began. Between the counseling and Al-anon, I know that I'm going to be fine. I guess that sort of answers my dilemma above. I'm ready for her to get out of my life. So i'll send the papers back tomorrow.
Then the last wait I have to deal with her is for her to file the papers. Luckily it seems like she is hot to get this done, so I shouldn't have to wait to long.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Dude...
...send the damn papers. You are better than this. It's not a dilemma at all.
Jeez.
Cyranoak
Jeez.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by LostinBA
After two weeks of waiting i finally got my items returned yesterday. So I guess it's good news, I can now proceed with the paperwork. I have had it looked over and everything is as good as it can be, considering everything. I was already to mail it back and what do I get today, an email from the AW telling me that she wants me to hurry up and sign the papers so she can get her maiden name back before the next teaching year. If I didn't sign by Friday she was going to hire an attorney and it would be contested divorce instead of uncontested.
Now normally this would have bothered me, but this time it didn't. I replied back that I hoped her mother was doing good (stroke supposedly) and that I don't react to threats. I will return the paperwork when I'm done reviewing it.
Now my dilemma, do I make her wait a week for the papers, or do I just send them to her, or do I send them directly to her attorney so that I don't have to wait.
It's funny how much things have changed for me since this all began. Between the counseling and Al-anon, I know that I'm going to be fine. I guess that sort of answers my dilemma above. I'm ready for her to get out of my life. So i'll send the papers back tomorrow.
Then the last wait I have to deal with her is for her to file the papers. Luckily it seems like she is hot to get this done, so I shouldn't have to wait to long.
Now normally this would have bothered me, but this time it didn't. I replied back that I hoped her mother was doing good (stroke supposedly) and that I don't react to threats. I will return the paperwork when I'm done reviewing it.
Now my dilemma, do I make her wait a week for the papers, or do I just send them to her, or do I send them directly to her attorney so that I don't have to wait.
It's funny how much things have changed for me since this all began. Between the counseling and Al-anon, I know that I'm going to be fine. I guess that sort of answers my dilemma above. I'm ready for her to get out of my life. So i'll send the papers back tomorrow.
Then the last wait I have to deal with her is for her to file the papers. Luckily it seems like she is hot to get this done, so I shouldn't have to wait to long.
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I would send the papers back now, however, I would send them to her attorney, certified mail, return receipt requested.
That way you not have proof you sent them you will have the signed receipt by her attorney's office.
It is called CYA.
Love and hugs,
That way you not have proof you sent them you will have the signed receipt by her attorney's office.
It is called CYA.
Love and hugs,
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Cyranok, tell me how you really feel! 
: (Big Smile there) I appreciate the straight feedback! And Laurie, good point, I will do that... Thanks for the feedback. Feels really good to be able to do this, and talk about this without any regrets. I took the high road all the way through this, not one mean email, letter, text, phone call, or carrier pigeon was sent to her. Best thing is I know i'm going to be okay without her. Didn't know that for a while, but when I gave up trying to control things, it made life much much much simpler!
: (Big Smile there) I appreciate the straight feedback! And Laurie, good point, I will do that... Thanks for the feedback. Feels really good to be able to do this, and talk about this without any regrets. I took the high road all the way through this, not one mean email, letter, text, phone call, or carrier pigeon was sent to her. Best thing is I know i'm going to be okay without her. Didn't know that for a while, but when I gave up trying to control things, it made life much much much simpler!
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Hi lostinBA,
You sound like you have come so far in such a short time - good on you.
I just wanted to chime in about my own recovery and how I feel about myself as a person after leaving my AH. I was a bit lost and needed to find me. I no longer join in with bitching or gossiping in the workplace, I try to live an honest, genuine life. I always try to be a positive person and have positive things to say about people. It is a work in progress but I really like myself these days and hope that I am a nice person to be around. Thats the impression I get from people, so I must be doing something right. Feeling good about yourself is what really matters to me, and the self satisfaction knowing you have done the right thing to be able to live with yourself is what gives me a warm fuzzy feeling lol. I like me, I'm a nice person.
LostinBA, hold your head up high and push out your chest just knowing that you have been the bigger person. 'You' are what matters and as you rightly pointed out, you are going to be fine.
You sound like you have come so far in such a short time - good on you.
I just wanted to chime in about my own recovery and how I feel about myself as a person after leaving my AH. I was a bit lost and needed to find me. I no longer join in with bitching or gossiping in the workplace, I try to live an honest, genuine life. I always try to be a positive person and have positive things to say about people. It is a work in progress but I really like myself these days and hope that I am a nice person to be around. Thats the impression I get from people, so I must be doing something right. Feeling good about yourself is what really matters to me, and the self satisfaction knowing you have done the right thing to be able to live with yourself is what gives me a warm fuzzy feeling lol. I like me, I'm a nice person.
LostinBA, hold your head up high and push out your chest just knowing that you have been the bigger person. 'You' are what matters and as you rightly pointed out, you are going to be fine.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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good job, LostinBA, I understand the wanting alittle "sweet revenge". But in the big picture of life, doing the right thing, allows you to go forward with no regret. Wishing you continued peace as you start your new life.........
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Good for you!
I, too feel like I am moving ahead with my "recovery"
I'm going into my 4th month of NC.
The 1st month I ran to the computer to check e-mail, sat waiting, sure he would call. Lost weight, slept poorly, stayed to myself. Only thought of all the good things.
2nd month-was a little better, send a few generic e-mails, still wondering where/what he was doing.
3rd month-got on with my life, got back into seeing family/friends. Started to develop a FU attitude, and remembered all the things I didn't like about him/relationship. Felt myself getting stronger, eating and sleeping much better.
4th month-I find myself getting tired of reading about all the excuses other A's give here, the whining, everything happens to me attitude, blah, blah, blah....
It has taken me 2 years of a roller coaster ride to get to this point, but I feel I am well on my way of getting over my addiction-HIM!
"Co-depnedent No MOre" really was a great help to me during these last few months.
I am happy with myself.
I, too feel like I am moving ahead with my "recovery"
I'm going into my 4th month of NC.
The 1st month I ran to the computer to check e-mail, sat waiting, sure he would call. Lost weight, slept poorly, stayed to myself. Only thought of all the good things.
2nd month-was a little better, send a few generic e-mails, still wondering where/what he was doing.
3rd month-got on with my life, got back into seeing family/friends. Started to develop a FU attitude, and remembered all the things I didn't like about him/relationship. Felt myself getting stronger, eating and sleeping much better.
4th month-I find myself getting tired of reading about all the excuses other A's give here, the whining, everything happens to me attitude, blah, blah, blah....
It has taken me 2 years of a roller coaster ride to get to this point, but I feel I am well on my way of getting over my addiction-HIM!
"Co-depnedent No MOre" really was a great help to me during these last few months.
I am happy with myself.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Laurie's advice is very good. CYA.
Also just wanted to comment that it sounds like she is a teacher? My stbxAH is a teacher too and I don't know why it bothers me so much to think of people teaching our kids who are so obviously not well, but well, it does...
Just my sound off on alcoholism and teaching for a second... Sorry to hijack...
Also just wanted to comment that it sounds like she is a teacher? My stbxAH is a teacher too and I don't know why it bothers me so much to think of people teaching our kids who are so obviously not well, but well, it does...
Just my sound off on alcoholism and teaching for a second... Sorry to hijack...
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