choublak

From what I've read on here, taking inventory means obsessing over what the A (or dysfunctional person) does, right? I think my mom used to do this with my dad (who is not an A but a dysfunctional person). When he started cheating on her, she would drive to different spots looking for him. A few times she and I would go out to eat, she would drive her car and I would ride with her, and after leaving the restaurant she would insist on driving to certain places he might be. Why? I have no idea. Just what exactly did that accomplish? Nada...and it left my mom feeling bitter and angry each and every time. She would then give the same speech/rant about how my dad and his new girlfriend deserve each other, how he is such a pig, etc. She (my mom) would also have me login to MY MySpace account so I could then go look at my dad's girlfriend's page and show it to her so she could look at pictures of my dad and his girlfriend and see if there were any new updates. If I said no, she wouldn't leave me alone about it.

This doesn't go on anymore. But it helps me to write about it.

NYCDoglvr

No, it means taking our OWN inventory. It helps us to see what our part is in the problem and make changes so that we don't have to endure it again. Instead of focusing on the alcoholic we must deal with our own issues. Change is a process and it's never easy.

choublak

Yeah but I've read some people talking about taking someone else's inventory.

LifeRecovery

Sometimes it is referred to here and in 12 step meetings as "Taking someone else's inventory."

For me as a codependant person that would be when I would be in my head telling someone everything that was wrong with them and what they should "do" to live their life right. This kind of behavior is not usually encouraged.

Step 4 encourages us to take our own inventory to figure out our part in things. That is usually encouraged.

My behavior around my husband affair was similiar to what it was like with his drinking (I had some more healing in place though so it did not get as extreme). For me though his alcohol use and his affair triggered similar emotions in me.