painterman

I think that's a title by R D Laing, fashionable writer in the 60's and 70's.
Well I'm in that book now-just delete sanity. I think my partner is currently off it most days, today normal at lunchtime, this evening bleary eyed and aggressive-staring at any old rubbish on TV. My ah projects this stance of being wounded-so if I'm not careful I'll be wandering around thinking 'what have I done or said?' Thankfully al-anon has taught me to rationalise this and also not to get drawn into conflict. My biggest problem at the moment is feeling alone a lot of the time. I have plenty of friends I can talk with and call in on but it's that bigger sense of loss that I'm finding hard to deal with.
I wonder if anyone has any advice, strategies for getting through the worst times. It's really not like me at all but I have also been feeling quite a lot of anxiety lately-and it puts a bad complexion on all my good feelings.
The whole thing can be a drain emotionally and physically, but I do try to rest when I need to.

NYCDoglvr

I can hear the pain in your voice and I have gone through the same thing. It seems like nothing will every change, but honestly it does. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (20 years) and AA's suggestion of keeping it as simple as possible and focusing on getting through today kept me going. And calling people when I feel lonely, getting out of my home and going anywhere else. After a while I started to notice that all feelings change. When I wake up tomorrow a.m. I'll probably be in a different place. It's not as terrifying to understand that the loneliness will pass.

painterman

Thanks for that NYC, it's comforting to know things will change-sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Best wishes

Tuffgirl

The phrase "this too shall pass" and "I can do anything for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to do it for a lifetime" come to mind. So does physical exercise! The combo of the two help me stay sane in this crazy world.

Hang in there, painterman! And go take a long brisk walk! ; )

painterman

Thank you Tuffgirl, that's good advice-physical execise is a great stress reliever!

m1k3

TG beat me to it but one of my best tools is walking. It is a combination of exercise and meditation. While walking I will sometimes just work things out in my head (cheap therapy) or repeat an affirmation to work on my self esteem, counting breaths or steps as I walk (meditation).

Lately another thing I have done is that I have taken the words to the old Beatles' song All I Need Is Love and changed them to All I Need Is Me. It's a great pick me up and works your self esteem at the same time.

As the song says there's nowhere you can be that isn't where your meant to be. It's easy......All I need is me...da,da,da,da...All I need is me....All I need is me, me is all I need.



Your friend,

wanttobehealthy

Painterman- I second and third the exercise thing, but in all honesty, I will say that I feel that sadness, loneliness a lot too. I value the peace in my home with AH gone tremendously BUT even though 99% of the time was awful with him, there were rare occassions it was nice to have company in the evenings after the girls were in bed and I find myself lonely a lot.

I talk to friends, have a sponsor etc... but loneliness is still there a lot.

I try and deal with it by acknowledging that it's what I feel, that I am sad when I am sad and I tell myself it's normal to feel lonely. I used to always expect myself not to feel whatever it is I felt and so even if I can't solve the loneliness issue, at least I can be patient with myself for feeling it...

You're not alone.

painterman

Thank you both, just lately Mike I felt I would be walking around singing '19th Nervous Breakdown!' but the image of you walking the streets singing 'All I need is me' has made my morning. Wtbh, it really does help to hear those words-sometimes it's just hard to deal with these feelings, especially when we know know the value of a good relationship-next time you feel like that-here's a hug from across the ocean!
Take care both.