EmmaFern

He quit drinking January 1st 2012, and has not had a slip up yet. I am so proud of him and I can not tell him enough how great he is doing. But the only problem is, he's depressed and it's killing me inside.

He used to have this happy go lucky, sarcastic personality. We hang out as much as we can but its hard when he works full time and I'm in school full time. The only time we get to see each other is on Friday and Saturday nights. Before he quit drinking we'd hangout for hours on end. Usually from 7 to around midnight. Now we'll hangout for 2-3 hours, because he says he is tired. Even during the week he used to call me, but now he's in bed so early that it's hard to really get a chance to talk to him. He's also having problems at his job. It's not that he's a bad employee, because his boss loves him, but he recently found out that the company has changed insurance carriers and in order to work where he does, he has to have a drivers license. He got it taken away a year ago due to DUI. He can legally have his license back but he doesn't have the money right now. He's behind on his bills as well.

I really hate to see him like this. Is it normal for newly recovering alcoholics to be depressed and tired? How can I help him? I love him so much and want to do anything I can to help him overcome this. Thanks for the help!

skippernlilg

One year ago, I was so thrilled my RABF was sober since 1/1. He also was going to bed early, feeling down, getting frustrated with his situation.

Reading your post brought me back to one year ago.

A few months went by and the truth came out. He was not going to bed early. He was drinking himself into a stupor. He was having trouble at his job because he was showing up drunk, sick, or not at all. He was short on funds because he spent it on liquor.

You say you'd like to cheer him on for *his* progress...but, I'm wondering. How's yours? The point I'm making is that this is one thing he can do for himself. In the meantime, you're in a good place to do what you can for yourself so you're not tempted to 'help' him with anything.

Have you tried an Al-anon meeting yet?

feelingalone43

My AH didn't quit drinking completely, but he cut back drastically. I noticed a big difference in his personality. He seemed angry all the time, snapping at me and being so sarcastic. He didn't want to see his friends (heavy drinkers), and he lost interest in almost everything. I finally told him I was tired of his attitude and didn't deserve this treatment. I said "go talk to someone". He called the doctor, and ended up with a prescription for prozac. I am not thrilled about trading one addiction for another, but hopefully the prozac is a temporary thing. The doctor said after being on it for 6 months to a year, his body may start producing more seratonin on it's own. We'll see.

Threshold

Feeling, while I understand your frustration, do you truly believe that taking a dr prescribed non narc, non amphetamine drug is simply trading one addiction for another?

It sounds like you have some real resentments, and I agree you do not deserve that treatment and I'm glad you spoke up about it. Sometimes when an addict gets clean their loved ones expect them to be "fine" and even to make up for their previous behavior, but in early recovery that if very unlikely.

It might be that he drank to cover up those feelings that lead to his snappy, lousy behavior, and it might take him some time to deal with the underlying issues. You are not expected to stick around and be treated poorly. I simply offer this as some things to consider.

blwninthewind

Prozac is going to HELP not hurt.
Alcoholics many times NEED a medication to help them cope until their body adjusts. Being on prozac isn't going to turn him into an addict. I promise. I'm a nurse.

blwninthewind

Now for Emma..

Yes. No. it depends on the person.
He's got a lot going on. He is facing the possibility of losing his job (which could very well trigger a relapse)...and his body is all jacked up from detoxing... the real question is... Is he working a program?

Very very few alcoholics can make it without one. and by MAKE IT i mean...not be 'dry drunks'.... w/ all the same actions, attitudes and behaviors as before just without the alcohol.

But you can't help him.
this is about him and his choices.

It isn't bad though to say...hey, lets talk to a professional about this and see if maybe there isn't something physically going on... and then drop it.

He's a grown man. He knows how to use the phone. At worst he may need a ride since he doesn't drive but that needs to be rectified too.

You can't be his chauffer. He got the dui...he can walk, take the bus or catch a ride with his buddies...not your job to be his mama.

Sorry...but it's true. Good luck to you...and keep coming back!!

MyBetterWorld

I used to say I would do anything to help....and I did. Turns out, it was all a wasted effort and nothing that I intended to help actually helped.

I felt insane. I probably was there for a while.