Willybluedog

It's ok to let go, to purge this poison from your system, when you are feeling emotional and you feel the need to vent there is not a safer place to do it than here.

Big hugs for you.

Pelican

While I was actively planning a better future for myself and my children, I had the support of a girlfriend who works as a social worker counseling women.

I will gladly pass on some of her advise and some things that helped me.

I felt like I was bobbing around in an ocean of emotions. Depressed, angry, sad, etc. sometimes all in the same day. I felt like I was going crazy. Then I learned I was doing what was expected.
It is okay to have all those feelings. They are a normal part of the grieving process. I was grieving the loss of what could have been, and the dream that didn't come to fruition.

My friends advise: Feel all the feelings.
Recognize them as they are happening.
Accept them as part of the process.
Express them in healthy ways that do not harm yourself or others.
Get help if I find myself stuck in any one particular emotion.

And the one that caught me off-guard: Don't hide your feelings from your children. Teach them that adults do get sad, angry, upset. Also teach them healthy ways to express those feelings without harming others.

That caught me off-guard because I was stuffing my feelings or trying to do my crying with the door closed, tv on, and inside the shower. She advised me to let it out and let my children hear my crying. I took her advise.

I taught myself and my children how to express anger without hurting others. Some of the things we tried: Screaming - cursing; hitting a pillow; hitting the bed with a pillow; screaming while hitting the bed with a pillow; getting in the car and turning up the stereo and screaming; punching the empty seat beside you in the car. These have all worked for us.

I'll never forget the night I went to an Alanon meeting and I was angry at my AH. I turned up the stereo in the car on my way to the meeting. I screamed, I cursed, I punched the seat beside me. I arrived at my meeting with a hoarse voice. I waited my turn to share at the meeting. And to my surprise and delight - one of the other alanoids had done the same thing on her way to the meeting! We laughed till we cried at ourselves!

My children have seen me cry. They have heard me cry. I am thankful for allowing myself the freedom of self-expression with my loved ones. Just this week, my son (age 19) came to me with tears in his eyes. He had a vivid dream about his beloved grandmother (deceased) and was able to share with me the dream and how deeply he was touched by how loving the dream was. I am thankful that he was able to share his emotions, safely, without ridicule.

I do not have a lot of experience with autism. Maybe your daughter's primary physician can offer advise on the best way to share emotions with her.

Isollae

My youngest and my hubby are the ones I'm really trying to keep it from. Hubby because I need to be at a place where I know my own mind well before I deal with him. I think that would be wise at any rate. My daughter simply because I don't really understand her. I try to and slowly I'm learning too and I am very afraid of messing up with her. Shes so very smart and thinks so very different from 'typical'.

Thank you....I had forgotten that I have resources for help with her as well.