Advice: Ask To Move Out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 16
Advice: Ask To Move Out
Hi Folks, after thinking about it a while I have decided that I want to ask him to him out of our apartment. If he says no, I will. I was just wondering if people could give advice, share experiences, and let me know how you think the best way is to do this. Right now he is VERY emotional unstable, he is very depressed and possibly suicidal so I want to do this as kindly as I can for him but enough is enough. I want a home, not a cave.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
IMO, it's best to just make your plans to move. Let him know that you are leaving WHEN you are leaving. YOu never know what an A will do when feeling threatened. I would say just lay your plans, and either let him know that day, or let him know once you have already moved.
I told my XAH in advance, and my life was HELL until I finally got out of there.
I told my XAH in advance, and my life was HELL until I finally got out of there.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
hate so much that it has come to this for you ~ but if this is what you have decided is the healthiest decision for you ~ then please take some precautions. . .
1. Do it early in the day (for some reason at night seems to add drama)
2. Have your phone nearby in case you need help (I know - he's never been violent before - not trying to scare you but there are 1,000s of reports of abuse and even deaths of people and they say - he was never violent before)
3.Please ask a close friend to call you at a certain time to check on you - again better safe than sorry.
4."if he says no, I will" ~ if you are truly ready to do that - have that plan B ready to go into action. A place lined up, bags packed and be read to go.
5. Be emotionally and mentally prepared for every promise in the world from them to change, do better, blah, blah, blah - Have your words thought out about how for a healthier life for you ~ you need to base your life on actions not best intentions or promise or words.
6.Remind yourself often - not only are you doing what is healthiest for you ~ but you are also giving your loved one the opportunity and dignity to find a healthier life for themselves also.
Prayers of strength, courage and wisdom for you!
PINK hugs,
Rita
1. Do it early in the day (for some reason at night seems to add drama)
2. Have your phone nearby in case you need help (I know - he's never been violent before - not trying to scare you but there are 1,000s of reports of abuse and even deaths of people and they say - he was never violent before)
3.Please ask a close friend to call you at a certain time to check on you - again better safe than sorry.
4."if he says no, I will" ~ if you are truly ready to do that - have that plan B ready to go into action. A place lined up, bags packed and be read to go.
5. Be emotionally and mentally prepared for every promise in the world from them to change, do better, blah, blah, blah - Have your words thought out about how for a healthier life for you ~ you need to base your life on actions not best intentions or promise or words.
6.Remind yourself often - not only are you doing what is healthiest for you ~ but you are also giving your loved one the opportunity and dignity to find a healthier life for themselves also.
Prayers of strength, courage and wisdom for you!
PINK hugs,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Ditto MyBetterWorld. Move out. Much easier, much less drama, and do it when he's not home.
Consult a lawyer about your rights -- it varies. Where I live, from the day I left, I was no longer responsible for any bills or rent or damage at the old address. But you want to know how that works.
Consult a lawyer about your rights -- it varies. Where I live, from the day I left, I was no longer responsible for any bills or rent or damage at the old address. But you want to know how that works.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 63
I agree with the previous posters. Just move out yourself and spare yourself all the drama. It was a heck of a lot easier to move out myself and my two kids than to expect the alcoholic to move when I asked him to...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northwest
Posts: 33
I moved myself out too. Other wise AH would think he could come back when he wanted.
He stayed away for 2 days so I could get me stuff out. With in a 4 day period I found my place and moved out. Other wise I would have talked myself out of it. I do feel more
at peace if I could just keep up the no contact. Wishing you all the best and be safe.
He stayed away for 2 days so I could get me stuff out. With in a 4 day period I found my place and moved out. Other wise I would have talked myself out of it. I do feel more
at peace if I could just keep up the no contact. Wishing you all the best and be safe.
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