cmjames84

I left my ex an A back almost 2 months ago. Last time I heard from him yet again I blocked everything, and I mean every way so now he cannot contact me unless he mails me something or knocks on my door. I live 14 hrs away by the way.

Anyhow with Christmas here I feel bad for him missing him. I want to contact him but know deep down I shouldn't. Anytime I do, it brings me nothing but problems every ...single...time.

I guess I just needed to come back here and read posts. Realize things again. Share with you guys. You understand. It is hard but it gets easier and is already.

Thanks for reading.

TakingCharge999

Well you can contact him again, just remember we have nothing sure in this life, this might very well be our Last Day on Earth. You can either go back to what you know (pain) or make room to something different. Your choice

I have contacted losers 435346 times and right now I am learning it might not be such a good idea. It makes me afraid to try something else but I do not want to carry the guilt anymore because intuitively I know there is another way to live and healthier people out there. I am re considering my "friendships" at this point.

Hugs.

Linkmeister

I've been struggling with that for quite a while - yes, I do miss him a lot. Had a good cry when I did my Christmas decorating as I pulled out his hand made stocking. I came close, I really did - hey, I would have been justified as my family lives back East - I'll be by myself for Christmas.

But then, I remembered all of the insanity of last Christmas, of the last year, and told myself that being by myself at Christmas is different than being alone, which I was last year, as he slept through the holidays, detoxing from yet another relapse.

Reading posts here, going to Al-Anon meetings, re-reading my journals, etc., brought me back to reality. What I lost-pain, hurt, anger, has been replaced by a semblance of sanity, glimmers of serenity and a whole lot of gratitude for the people in my life that stand by me, love me and support me.

Willybluedog

Dear Link,

You are doing all the right things, so very proud of you

Big hugs to you, keep up the good work, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Merry Christmas,

Bill

Linkmeister

Merry Christmas, Bill!

Thank you so much for the encouragement! Went to an Al-Anon meeting today and that really helped.

The pup and I are here on the West Coast of Canada, enjoying very un-Christmas-like weather, basking in that warmth and the warmth of friends and family who are so wonderful.

Now, it's on to an evening of Christmas movies and a few little food treats I've been saving up!

Hugs coming to you, Bill...once again, Merry Christmas!!

Link
XOXOXOXOXO

PurpleWilder

I struggle with this every year regarding a guy that broke up with me SEVENTEEN years ago. But I considered this man my soulmate and that is still hard to let go. I always wonder how he is doing and if he ever thinks of me. But everytime I start indulging in that, I break out in stupid in every area of my mind. He was the son of an alcoholic, as was my ex-husband. I can't go there - I just can't. So I have to leave it alone for my own sanity. So I do get it - I really do.

The reason this stuck around so long with me is because I never dealt with it at the time it was happening. I simply lacked the skills to deal with the damage. But you don't have to choose that route. Stay strong - the Purple Squirrel compels you!

cmjames84

Thanks! I did not end up contacting him and am so glad I didn't. Seriously, each time I ever have since leaving him, I would feel sick to my stomach and have to deal with the blame game. He would put me down and build me up just to bring me down again in a matter of minutes or hours.

I still love and miss him don't get me wrong but I am soooo glad I left. This is getting easier each day. There has not been a single day I have not prayed for him.

Linkmeister

I know exactly how you are feeling. I thought about him a lot on Christmas Day but got through it-me and the pup had a glorious day, all to ourselves, enjoying the serenity. Each day does get easier because I know that I made the right decision to leave.

I pray for my ex daily, knowing that his HP is looking out for him, but know that to go back to the insanity of our time together isn't meant to be, in spite of the fact I do still love him.

Carol Star

The holidays make me nostalgic. They will be over in 5 days. Detach with love. As code as I see I am I will never be so attached to anything again.

problemis

You're grieving. It's alright to admit you miss someone and wish it had turned out differently (irrelevant if they are an addict or not). Doesn't mean you need or should make contact.