mrsoftheaddict

I found this place..made it to a meeting and know I need peace in my life for me ans my little ones. I need a change. For an entire week now he has laid in bed. I made the decision to not enable him a second longer. I realized that giving him gas money to get to work was enabling. I learned he wasn't actually going to work some days even. He was leaving here and sleeping all day in his vehicle! He hasnt worked all week and today he thought he would punish me by sleeping again..told me he wouldnt help me with kids or around the house since I wouldn't give him gas money. See he has no money because he spent every dime of his last check on his fix and gambling. Somehow this is now my problem??? Anyway..I managed to get out of the house and to a meeting even though I had to take the littlest one with me. Everyone was wonderful. Later in the day he was in the car with me and got angry again because I wouldn't give him cash. I called ans drive right to my parents house. He got angry ...said I embarrassed him...and jumped out of the car after he told me he was done with me and called me a million names. I cried but am relieved to finally have him gone. I feel like he is just squatting at my house. Enough is enough. I can only take so much. A few hours later he was calling and begging for me to pick him up. I refused. He is staying with a friend. I know this is the right thing for me and the kids. I just need to remain strong. I noticed all my free weights are missing now too he must have pawned or scrapped them for cash. Nice. Noticing that...made it easy tonight. I do this poor me thing. I feel bad that he has done this to me and our family. I need to get past my own pity . My parents said Ohh I am.so sorry too. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Ya know? I just want strength...because doing the right thing is not always that easy. Anyway I am struggling with a million different emotions. The good thing is that I am not paniced like last week and am also not hiding. He is going to be so mean and say some very horrible things over the next few days. I am.dreading his phone call which I am sure will come in the morning. There will be a thousand promises of change...I have hoped for change. All I ever wanted was for him to be a good father and husband. However...I know today that unless he is in treatment or aa...he can not keep his promises evenif he wants to. Any words of advise or strength would be greatly appreciated. promises

suki44883

You do not have to answer the phone if he calls. The best way to avoid him being mean to you is to not have any contact with him. I hope you will continue your meetings so you can learn how to detach from his actions. You deserve better and so do your children. I will pray for strength for you.

Impurrfect

I agree with ((Suki)) - I wouldn't answer the phone. You already know what he's going to say - make a zillion promises (that he won't keep), beg, cry, threaten..whatever. You and your kids definitely deserve better, and ya'll will be okay. Keep up the meetings and read/post here - you aren't alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

dollydo

Believe your eyes not your ears, actions not words. Words from an A mean nothing, they will say anything to get what they want.

Your children need to be your priorty, they should not be raised in the home of an alcoholic or drug abuser. They hear and see everything, they will carry this toxic childhood into adulthood. Believe me when I say that they would rather be with one good parent than in the home of two one who is a person with an addiction.

You did just fine, I too would suggest no contact, and yes, continue those meetings.

Pelican

I would make a personal inventory of valuable items and papers. I did this and put things into a safe deposit box at the bank. (I kept copies of birthcertificates, social security cards, credit card info,and taxes in the lock box) Maybe you could store some important papers at your parents?

I understand you are dreading hearing anymore of his verbal abuse (and it is abuse). You can take your power back in this situation. You have options!

You can refuse to answer his calls. You can delete his emails and texts unread.

Is he using a cell phone to call you and verbally abuse you? Who is paying that bill?

Leigh01

Hi, I'm new here myself. I just wanted to say it's hard but you and your kids deserve better. Don't fall for empty promises, don't give in. Stand your ground as hard as it is. My AH is so deep in denial. All he does is manipulate me. I've heard his excuses and I fell for empty promises time after time after time. I know the anxiety and the feelings you have are all too consuming. Keep going to the meetings. Keep posting here. You aren't alone.
Leigh

BlueMoon

I was told by the County Attorney here that basically all it takes to get a No Contact Order is to go before the judge and ask for one - you don't have to present "arguments, etc." or "prove anything" - just say you want one. Free of charge. Verbal abuse is still ABUSE and you DON'T have to just take it. You can keep him away from you + your children.

Blue

NYCDoglvr

Thank you for posting this ... it is indeed heartening to see that we can stop deluding ourselves about active alcoholics and addicts. Bravo!

nodaybut2day

How are you today mrsoftheaddict?

theuncertainty

It seems like such a simple thing, doesn't it, Mrs, like something that he should not only be able to do, but eager to do... I said this over and over about XAH, sometimes still catch myself saying it (well, the father part anyway). *sigh* But you're right, if he's not actively working towards recovery and being brutally honest about himself and what he's willing to offer towards the relationships, it won't happen.

You're doing so well; you truly are, and I hope you realize just how strong you are. You can do this.

Wishing you peace and continued strength.:ghug3

mrsoftheaddict

He came home yesterday and I allowed it. He talked of recovery and aa. He helped around the house Nd played with the kids. He worked ans went to a meeeting yesterday. He didn't get home till an hour and a half after the meeting was over. He is not sleeping well tonight either both which have sent .e back into a little panic. I am thinking I already regret allowing him to come back. The better plan is to have him move until he gets some sobriety under his belt. I caved..maybe because it is christmas and it is the babys first? Maybe because I still haven't let go of hope?? Regretting it at the moment.

Hanna

It's okay, just keep moving forward. You sound like a strong person and just because things aren't the way you want them at the moment doesn't mean you are moving backward. You started on a path by coming here, and by going to a meeting and those are great steps in the right direction.

I'll be praying for you and your family.