Things people said that helped
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Durham, NC
Posts: 4
Thank you everyone for sharing. Up until a couple of nights ago when I joined this forum I thought that i was the only person in the world who felt the way that I do. Reading your posts has helped me realize that that is not true and there can be a light on the other side!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 195
There are a ton of good ones here...I didn't notice this one, though:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference
Pondering what I should accept over what I should change has been very helpful.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference
Pondering what I should accept over what I should change has been very helpful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Paraphrasing Colin Powell here a bit, here's one that I'm probably butchering, but it goes something along these lines:
"If you're honest about who you are, everybody is not going to be your friend, but the people who do want to be your friend will want to because they like you, not who you were pretending to be."
"If you're honest about who you are, everybody is not going to be your friend, but the people who do want to be your friend will want to because they like you, not who you were pretending to be."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: England
Posts: 4
This forum has helped so much, I was feeling so down and guilty about leaving him that I wished I were dead. I came on here and suddenly I felt like I wasn't alone, seeing people going through exactly what I was and seeing that life does go on afterwards.
One of my favourite quotes is so simple but I find it effective: Sometimes you have to put yourself first.
One of my favourite quotes is so simple but I find it effective: Sometimes you have to put yourself first.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 29
Be gentle with yourself today
I'm currently reading The New Codependency by Melody Beattie Thanks for the recommendation. There are so many great ones in this book but one in particular made me sit back and say hmmm... "Love is when we want other people to be who they are."
And I read this one here recently
What if you woke up today with only the things you were greatful for yesterday
I'm currently reading The New Codependency by Melody Beattie Thanks for the recommendation. There are so many great ones in this book but one in particular made me sit back and say hmmm... "Love is when we want other people to be who they are."
And I read this one here recently
What if you woke up today with only the things you were greatful for yesterday
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Mine is totally stupid and not really from a A situation but I applied it like it was.
It's from that stupid treadclimber machine commericial with a girl who you can just see the happiness pouring out of her...and while she may be an actress..she's good. Very good.
She says : I was one of thos people sitting on the couch saying I can't do that......but I did.
so everytime I think "i can't do that" whether it be say NO to something I don't want, or make a decision I know will make someone unhappy...I can do it...and DO do it. Because I figure if she can get off that couch...I can put on my big girl panties and do the same.
It's from that stupid treadclimber machine commericial with a girl who you can just see the happiness pouring out of her...and while she may be an actress..she's good. Very good.
She says : I was one of thos people sitting on the couch saying I can't do that......but I did.
so everytime I think "i can't do that" whether it be say NO to something I don't want, or make a decision I know will make someone unhappy...I can do it...and DO do it. Because I figure if she can get off that couch...I can put on my big girl panties and do the same.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
GREAT POSTS!
"you are not a snake charmer"
"if the biting snake always bites why to you keep petting it thing it won't THIS TIME?"
"listen to actions"
"believe people when they show you who they are the first time"
"if he's been using substances since 13 and he's 46, why would you expect him to be any different after 6 months sober when he's be hiding from himself for 33 years and never wanted it bad enough to stop?"
My own response to the fun question, "why is such a pretty smart woman like you not married?"
Me reply with a big smile " I am dating a wonderful person right now, my self"
Yes most people have nothing to say back to this one. Hee Hee
"you are not a snake charmer"
"if the biting snake always bites why to you keep petting it thing it won't THIS TIME?"
"listen to actions"
"believe people when they show you who they are the first time"
"if he's been using substances since 13 and he's 46, why would you expect him to be any different after 6 months sober when he's be hiding from himself for 33 years and never wanted it bad enough to stop?"
My own response to the fun question, "why is such a pretty smart woman like you not married?"
Me reply with a big smile " I am dating a wonderful person right now, my self"
Yes most people have nothing to say back to this one. Hee Hee
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
these are all so wonderful - good to see this thread again ... thanks!!
I love this "A-Ha" moment saying from the Tao te Ching:
Before enlightenment:
Chopping wood, carrying water.
After enlightenment:
Chopping wood, carrying water.
I love this "A-Ha" moment saying from the Tao te Ching:
Before enlightenment:
Chopping wood, carrying water.
After enlightenment:
Chopping wood, carrying water.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 32
Oh my goodness, what a great thread! So many good ones...Thanks!!!!
"Do Nothing" was posted all over my house at one point. When you have spent your whole life reacting it is hard to get that sometimes saying/doing nothing is the very loudest statement that you can make. For me also the hardest. The notion that one can respond,rather than react and that there is a very big difference between the two was a huge one for me.
The best thing that anyone ever said to me in my journey was an incredible therapist
Her: " What would you say if I asked you if you will be willing to still be live with an addict 5 years from now?"
Me: "NO WAY!!"
Her: " What have you been doing for the last 5 years of your life?"
Me: (in my head "Holy crap!") to her: "living with active addiction"
Her: "Don't you think it might be a good idea to set yourself a timetable of exactly how much longer you are willing to live this way?"
Somehow seeing it that way created a complete paradigm shift for me. My life was literally speeding by in a blur of unhappiness waiting for someone else to change so that I/we could finally be happy! Within 3 months I got myself out of the situation.
"Do Nothing" was posted all over my house at one point. When you have spent your whole life reacting it is hard to get that sometimes saying/doing nothing is the very loudest statement that you can make. For me also the hardest. The notion that one can respond,rather than react and that there is a very big difference between the two was a huge one for me.
The best thing that anyone ever said to me in my journey was an incredible therapist
Her: " What would you say if I asked you if you will be willing to still be live with an addict 5 years from now?"
Me: "NO WAY!!"
Her: " What have you been doing for the last 5 years of your life?"
Me: (in my head "Holy crap!") to her: "living with active addiction"
Her: "Don't you think it might be a good idea to set yourself a timetable of exactly how much longer you are willing to live this way?"
Somehow seeing it that way created a complete paradigm shift for me. My life was literally speeding by in a blur of unhappiness waiting for someone else to change so that I/we could finally be happy! Within 3 months I got myself out of the situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
Missg...you brought up a good point. Sometimes we have negative messages hung up in our homes or in our heads that is just drawing more negativity towards us...
My Uncle has a shirt that says "Nobody Cares" on the front...I told him we've got to burn that one you can't even give that away...he said, "no it's one of his favorite shirts."
I only have positive messages hung up in my house..but there are a few negative ones I'm working on replacing in my head.
My Uncle has a shirt that says "Nobody Cares" on the front...I told him we've got to burn that one you can't even give that away...he said, "no it's one of his favorite shirts."
I only have positive messages hung up in my house..but there are a few negative ones I'm working on replacing in my head.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 32
Hi Finding Joy,
I think you might have misunderstood this post. I surely have had tons of negative messages in my head over the years,but none hung up in my home.
lol
"Do Nothing" was something I heard in Al-Anon right when I needed to hear it. Usually when I most want to DO SOMETHING in reaction to an alcoholic's behavior is exactly when I need to DO NOTHING! It is a different way to say "detach".
I think you might have misunderstood this post. I surely have had tons of negative messages in my head over the years,but none hung up in my home.
lol
"Do Nothing" was something I heard in Al-Anon right when I needed to hear it. Usually when I most want to DO SOMETHING in reaction to an alcoholic's behavior is exactly when I need to DO NOTHING! It is a different way to say "detach".
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