Trying to understand...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Washington, dc
Posts: 1
Trying to understand...
Well, here is my story. What I am looking for is reassurance that I am doing the right thing.
Over a year ago, I met, and then fell in love with a girl. At the time, she was 3.5 years sober, working a program, and was sponsored and she sponsored. She continues still today. I am what she and her friends refer to as a "normie".
The problem is... I have failed to express to her how deep me feelings are, and further, I have failed to completely understand her recovery. So, a few weeks ago, she called me up, and ended it. It was only after about a week that I realized all these walls that I built...always keeping her one brick from then top.
Today, I attended my first Al-anon meeting. But it was something that I read on the Al-anon website that really got me thinking. All this time, I thought that I was the problem, and I am sure that I am to blame for lots, but I think I am starting to understand that there is something deep with in her that needs a different direction.
So, while I know that we both love each other dearly, am I correct to assume that she has to do this for her recovery and not the relationship. Or, should I be fighting to show her that I understand my mistakes and am ready to move forward as a part of her recovery, not on the outside looking in?
Over a year ago, I met, and then fell in love with a girl. At the time, she was 3.5 years sober, working a program, and was sponsored and she sponsored. She continues still today. I am what she and her friends refer to as a "normie".
The problem is... I have failed to express to her how deep me feelings are, and further, I have failed to completely understand her recovery. So, a few weeks ago, she called me up, and ended it. It was only after about a week that I realized all these walls that I built...always keeping her one brick from then top.
Today, I attended my first Al-anon meeting. But it was something that I read on the Al-anon website that really got me thinking. All this time, I thought that I was the problem, and I am sure that I am to blame for lots, but I think I am starting to understand that there is something deep with in her that needs a different direction.
So, while I know that we both love each other dearly, am I correct to assume that she has to do this for her recovery and not the relationship. Or, should I be fighting to show her that I understand my mistakes and am ready to move forward as a part of her recovery, not on the outside looking in?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Im gonna throw a wild card down on this one...
*3.5 years sober and following her program, and now ending your relationship*
Being a chick, I would say, she's just movin on...No rhyme or reason needed
and has nothing to do with her recovery or being an alcoholic, she's just movin on....
Im pretty open minded and I would say it's really not fair to her, that you blame
or consider this situation on her being an alcoholic...she's just movin on
Now if she was 3.5 days or months, then we would be having a different conversation
going on here. But 3.5 years, my answer is.."NOT"
Keep going to Alanon, it will help you with the next person you meet, believe it or not.
It will even help you feel better about yourself. It's a tool, that you can even take
to work with you & use...
Sounds like you need to get yourself....Movin On!!
*3.5 years sober and following her program, and now ending your relationship*
Being a chick, I would say, she's just movin on...No rhyme or reason needed
and has nothing to do with her recovery or being an alcoholic, she's just movin on....
Im pretty open minded and I would say it's really not fair to her, that you blame
or consider this situation on her being an alcoholic...she's just movin on
Now if she was 3.5 days or months, then we would be having a different conversation
going on here. But 3.5 years, my answer is.."NOT"
Keep going to Alanon, it will help you with the next person you meet, believe it or not.
It will even help you feel better about yourself. It's a tool, that you can even take
to work with you & use...
Sounds like you need to get yourself....Movin On!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I have to say I agree with BobbyJ - that maybe this woman just decided this wasn't the right path for her. That's ok - it happens. Doesn't mean there isn't someone out there who will be a better fit for you.
And for what it is worth...it is hard to have a relationship at all, whether it be with a "normie" or an addict. SO let yourself feel hurt and rejected, focus on learning your own lessons here (be a little more open and vulnerable with the next girl), and trust you are right where you are supposed to be for now. This too shall pass.
And for what it is worth...it is hard to have a relationship at all, whether it be with a "normie" or an addict. SO let yourself feel hurt and rejected, focus on learning your own lessons here (be a little more open and vulnerable with the next girl), and trust you are right where you are supposed to be for now. This too shall pass.
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