soberhostage

I am an sober Alcoholic with a year a month and days. It is too painful to post what I have been going through watching my love, my wife of 24 years continue down. Some of these posts could have been written by me. It is like Leaving Las Vegas without the affection, meets Groundhogs Day and Momento.

soberhostage

I could rule out early onset Alzheimers. She will not do anything that would relieve MY concerns/worries about her health, including a routine checkup. The nightly insanity. I have to write down events, record and tape as it is UNREAL. Never an apology, instant Mrs. Hyde, So painful my heart has broken. she would not care or argue is is not!

jamaicamecrazy

Good question and great answers. When my husbands personality started to change about 5 years ago, I was convinced he had a brain tumor. He began to do and say things I never believed he would. I have since decided that he used all this to deflect the feeling of being less and less in control and putting the blame on others. I saw the anxiety building in him as he struggled to control the "weekend only" drinking. It all seemed to come to a head when both children left home. I believe he held it together for them. When our son went to Iraq he struggled but seemed to be "trying". Then when he returned safely home my AH announced he was "done". He spent about 2 years totally wrapped up in himself, self imposed exile from friends and family. Spewing anger at anyone who got close enough to question his choices. And mostly blaming me for his drinking and all the consequences that came with it. After 2+ years of being separated he seems less angry-maybe because he is mostly drunk-doing what he wants. As medical issues arise he has had to reach out to family.
I often have to remind myself that the husband I love is dead and gone. He peeks out sometimes and I have to remind myself it is like an alzheimer's patient having a lucid moment.
Of course I still live with the hope that he could seek sobriety and that he will return to being that person again. However I am aware that I cannot return to being the codependent enabler I have been for 30 years. If we ever have a relationship it will look very different. If I ever have a relationship with someone else it will also have to be very different. That is not a bad thing.

NYCDoglvr

I'm a recovering alcoholic sober 20+ years, all of it in AA. There's a saying: "if you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you have a horse thief." If you only put down the drink then you'll have very angry dry drunk. What I learned is that if I don't change I'll drink again. And I learned that I am responsible for everything I say and do. The Big Book says that "drinking is but a symptom...." of our sickness.

The traits of an alcoholic: enormous ego combined with low self esteem; self-involved, self-centered, grandiose with the emotional level of a teenager. "His majesty the child..." Now I'm sober and if I want to get better I have to work like the devil on the steps and in therapy. And there are wonderful sober alcoholics with happy family life and successful jobs. There are also angry dry drunks. What is involved in recovery is dealing with the wreckage of the past, doing amends and dealing with the character defects. It's all about choice. Each day I choose to drink or not drink; to tackle my problems or not; to be responsible or not. Recovery is up to the alcoholic; the person who chooses that path is driven from something inside.

Alcoholism is progressive and you've just witnessed it. People don't start out falling down, daily drinkers but they eventually wind up that way.

Learn2Live

I believe, based on the information I have read in many sources, that the alcoholic brain is permanently affected and that some of the damage they do is irreversible. For one, alcoholics tend to have chronic thiamine deficiency, which is a B vitamin, which has been tied to brain health. After-death studies have clearly shown that alcoholism causes shrinking of the brain.

It is sad what people do to themselves and their relationships with others. I watched AXBF go from being the sweetest, most loving man I'd ever met to absolute evil.

desperatesister

My husband is only 5 months sober and while I am proud of him he has been very difficult to get along with. Very angry at his situation. I think at himself but he is taking it out on me--Just plain mean. No one calls us anymore--so basically its just the two of us and as happy as I am that he isn't drinking--his anger is driving me crazy. Any suggestions or thoughts?

CactusJill

As a recovering alcoholic with a BF who is an active alcoholic, I can tell you that it does affect the personality, but I don't think it is permanent in most cases.

In my case, the drinking really amped up my anxiety problems, and I became paranoid, depressed, the whole works. I was a mess. And like someone else said, it did last even into the next day.

In my ABF's case, he gets depressed and sometimes very nasty - lashing out at everyone. I love the person he is when he is sober, and since I have known him for almost 20 years, I can say that this is the "real" him - he is fun, smart, very loving, and funny. But I find his A personality exceedingly difficult to deal with.