I don't know what to do, where to go....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 21
I don't know what to do, where to go....
My life has become a mess. I feel like I have fallen into some dark hole, and I don't know to get out. I will write more about myself later, but for now I need some immediate advice. My husband and I are at an impasse. I have found a beverage that I think has alcohol in it. He firmly denies that there is alcohol in it. We are at an impasse, but I need to knowthe truth so that I know what to do next. The beverage is in a gatorade bottle, and I have only about a tablespoon left in the bottle from what he has consumed. Is there any way I can find out the truth? Is ther a simple test I can do on the liquid to find out if there is indeed alcohol in it?
Thank you,
Natalie
Thank you,
Natalie
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome
You obviously have some concerns, however, playing private detective isn't going to stop him from drinking. Trust your gut and watch his actions, it all will come to the surface soon.
Calm down, overreacting will not accomplish anything, if his drink contains alcohol, the world will not end tomorrow.
Have you read Codependent No More or been to Alanon meetings? I would suggest that you consider doing both.
You obviously have some concerns, however, playing private detective isn't going to stop him from drinking. Trust your gut and watch his actions, it all will come to the surface soon.
Calm down, overreacting will not accomplish anything, if his drink contains alcohol, the world will not end tomorrow.
Have you read Codependent No More or been to Alanon meetings? I would suggest that you consider doing both.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hell Tearsofaclown, and welcome to SoberRecovery 
I'm sorry that you and your husband are having such a rough time. I had many times like that with me ex-wife, it's just awful.
As far as the liquid in the bottle, well yes there are ways to know if it contains alcohol, but is that going to solve the problem? You said you want to know the truth, but if you find out the truth about the bottle is that going to be the truth about everything else that's going on between you two? Is that one little bottle going to save your marriage?
The reason I ask these questions is because I have been in almost the exact same situation with my ex-wife. A few of the details were different, but I was asking exactly what you are asking. I wanted to know the truth.
I found out that the truth comes in many, many pieces. Each action that my wife took, each decision she made, all the good times and bad times we had over 20 years, each one was it's own truth and looking at just one single episode in our marriage did not solve all the rest of the problems we had.
If you take a few moments to read thru a few of the posts here you will find a lot of people wanting to test their spouse for alcohol or drugs on a given day. Wanting to know the truth of that one day. Others want to hire a detective to follow the spouse, and know the truth of that one day. You can do all of that as well, if you choose to do so, and you will know the truth about a single day, perhaps.
What gave me the one big truth for all my questions was to dig a little deeper. Instead of trying to find out what my wife was _really_ doing behind my back I went and spent a few hours reading thru the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. I learned a huge amount of information that was exactly related to my marriage and the problems we were having. I went to a marriage counselor and learned even more. I went to some meetings of al-anon where I met dozens of people whose marriage problems were so, so similar to mine it was almost scary.
And after all of that I did find out the truth. Not about individual days, but about the "big picture", the condition of our marriage. That is when my thoughts started to clear and I was able to make useful decisions, instead of reacting to events.
Oh yes, as far as the alcohol in the bottle, you can take it to a chemist. There are other chemicals that they can drop into the liquid and it will change color if it contains alcohol.
I hope you decide to read through the information we have available, it was incredibly helpful to me and well worth it. Whatever you find out about the alcohol in the bottle, or if you decide to do something else, feel free to come back and let us know. There's a lot of people here who have struggled with what you are describing, or are in the middle of the same dillema right this minute. We are all here to help each other out thru exactly these kinds of problems.
Mike
I'm sorry that you and your husband are having such a rough time. I had many times like that with me ex-wife, it's just awful.
As far as the liquid in the bottle, well yes there are ways to know if it contains alcohol, but is that going to solve the problem? You said you want to know the truth, but if you find out the truth about the bottle is that going to be the truth about everything else that's going on between you two? Is that one little bottle going to save your marriage?
The reason I ask these questions is because I have been in almost the exact same situation with my ex-wife. A few of the details were different, but I was asking exactly what you are asking. I wanted to know the truth.
I found out that the truth comes in many, many pieces. Each action that my wife took, each decision she made, all the good times and bad times we had over 20 years, each one was it's own truth and looking at just one single episode in our marriage did not solve all the rest of the problems we had.
If you take a few moments to read thru a few of the posts here you will find a lot of people wanting to test their spouse for alcohol or drugs on a given day. Wanting to know the truth of that one day. Others want to hire a detective to follow the spouse, and know the truth of that one day. You can do all of that as well, if you choose to do so, and you will know the truth about a single day, perhaps.
What gave me the one big truth for all my questions was to dig a little deeper. Instead of trying to find out what my wife was _really_ doing behind my back I went and spent a few hours reading thru the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. I learned a huge amount of information that was exactly related to my marriage and the problems we were having. I went to a marriage counselor and learned even more. I went to some meetings of al-anon where I met dozens of people whose marriage problems were so, so similar to mine it was almost scary.
And after all of that I did find out the truth. Not about individual days, but about the "big picture", the condition of our marriage. That is when my thoughts started to clear and I was able to make useful decisions, instead of reacting to events.
Oh yes, as far as the alcohol in the bottle, you can take it to a chemist. There are other chemicals that they can drop into the liquid and it will change color if it contains alcohol.
I hope you decide to read through the information we have available, it was incredibly helpful to me and well worth it. Whatever you find out about the alcohol in the bottle, or if you decide to do something else, feel free to come back and let us know. There's a lot of people here who have struggled with what you are describing, or are in the middle of the same dillema right this minute. We are all here to help each other out thru exactly these kinds of problems.
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 21
Ugh. I am really fed up. My husband has a history of problem drinking and lying about it. He actually never drinks very much, but I have a feeling that his problem is more pervasive than I once thought. I just need to know if he is still lying to me to protect myself and my children. He never is 'drunk'. He is high functionning and pleasant, but I don't wnat to drive with him if he has been drinking. I can't tell if he is lying to me or if I am just crazy. I have had a lot of mental health issues that is probably bipolar disorder. I am extremely anxious, and today I swear smelled and tasted alcohol in the beverage he was drinking, so I have saved it, and I fully intend on playing detective. I have told him this, I just wnt to know what the easiest way to find out if his drink does/does not contain alcohol, then I will proceed from there.
I would like to read the book you mentioned on codependancy. I know that's me. I am just struggling with my own issues and trying to give my children a happy childhood.
Thank you so much for your responses,
Natalie
I deeply appreciate your responses,
I would like to read the book you mentioned on codependancy. I know that's me. I am just struggling with my own issues and trying to give my children a happy childhood.
Thank you so much for your responses,
Natalie
I deeply appreciate your responses,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through, but you are definitely in a place where people understand. I hope you will make yourself comfortable and take the time to read, read, read.....lots of great information here.
Welcome, you have found a wonderful, supportive place!
HG
Welcome, you have found a wonderful, supportive place!
HG
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