I'm just gutted...
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
If you give me addresses, I can send my boxing and kickboxing instructors, to pay a well deserved visit. They have passports. I could join them and practice my jab move.. some people just deserve it, plain and simple.
Dear Freedom, I wish I could comfort you as much as you have comforted me so many times. The other day I felt SO frustrated, invalidated, lonely, unsupported... today I went to a Buddhist retreat, and I feel so much better now...
Instead of thinking "I am frustrated" you can think "At this moment, frustration is going through me". (Or whatever it is) Become the observer... try to remove judgments (to me this step is the same as giving it all to HP, to let go, to surrender)...
This and meditation has helped me, even if it was for only a few minutes. Find a relatively calm place, relax your body from head to toe. Imagine a white light coming from the sky, filling you with peace starting from your head. Imagine anything that is not you, is leaving your body through the feet, back to the Earth.
You are still you, DeVon, feelings can be felt from us to the outside world. Our inner peace can be kept, nothing outside needs to mess with it. Or so says the therapist. (Ah, if it were that easy..)
HUGS
Dear Freedom, I wish I could comfort you as much as you have comforted me so many times. The other day I felt SO frustrated, invalidated, lonely, unsupported... today I went to a Buddhist retreat, and I feel so much better now...
Instead of thinking "I am frustrated" you can think "At this moment, frustration is going through me". (Or whatever it is) Become the observer... try to remove judgments (to me this step is the same as giving it all to HP, to let go, to surrender)...
This and meditation has helped me, even if it was for only a few minutes. Find a relatively calm place, relax your body from head to toe. Imagine a white light coming from the sky, filling you with peace starting from your head. Imagine anything that is not you, is leaving your body through the feet, back to the Earth.
You are still you, DeVon, feelings can be felt from us to the outside world. Our inner peace can be kept, nothing outside needs to mess with it. Or so says the therapist. (Ah, if it were that easy..)
HUGS
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I was down and out yesterday been fighting a cold, fevery and weak, been having hurricanes and earthquakes here on east coast/a little worrysome, BUT yesterday I got myself out to a park and walked in nature and took some pics and did some reading and relaxing.......nature grounds me.......birds and cricket noises......got away from people and city noises.....and the noise in my head........it helped.......
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
We've all been there, Freedom. If only that meant that we could all chip in and share the burden of your pain and lighten your load. Take good care of yourself--lots of rest and good food can do wonders.
I like Taking Charge's meditation phrase. It's so true that everything we feel is only passing through us, it never stays around forever. It only seems that way in the moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night and started crying from my own situation and my chocolate labbie walked over to the bed and licked the tears off my face. She's never done that before. Normally I'm not into "dog kisses" but I was half asleep and I just laughed! It was so cute.
I like Taking Charge's meditation phrase. It's so true that everything we feel is only passing through us, it never stays around forever. It only seems that way in the moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night and started crying from my own situation and my chocolate labbie walked over to the bed and licked the tears off my face. She's never done that before. Normally I'm not into "dog kisses" but I was half asleep and I just laughed! It was so cute.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Thanks to everyone for your kind words and support.
I had reached out for help, and in essence had gotten my hand bitten.
I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened, and thank God for that.
I am reminded once again there are people who talk the talk, and there are people who walk the walk.
What I "thought" was a special and close friendship was not really so. I could ask myself why I didn't see that, but what is done is done, and sometimes you just have to let people go for your own sanity and peace of mind.
I'm working hard not to let the hand-biting affect my general trust in the friends that I do have.
It's a hard lesson learned, but pain shared is pain lessened, and I thank you for letting me share my pain here.
I had reached out for help, and in essence had gotten my hand bitten.
I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened, and thank God for that.
I am reminded once again there are people who talk the talk, and there are people who walk the walk.
What I "thought" was a special and close friendship was not really so. I could ask myself why I didn't see that, but what is done is done, and sometimes you just have to let people go for your own sanity and peace of mind.
I'm working hard not to let the hand-biting affect my general trust in the friends that I do have.
It's a hard lesson learned, but pain shared is pain lessened, and I thank you for letting me share my pain here.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
So sorry you're feeling 'bitten', DeVon. Sounds like you are seeing it for what it is, and learning from it. You're so strong, and the people who DO have the chance to enjoy your true friendship are very lucky.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by smacked 
So sorry you're feeling 'bitten', DeVon. Sounds like you are seeing it for what it is, and learning from it. You're so strong, and the people who DO have the chance to enjoy your true friendship are very lucky.
I'm not always strong.
I have learned from it. It's just going to take some time before the sting goes away.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
How are you, Freedom..?
I decided to get out of the house yesterday, so I took Amber to Texas Roadhouse for steak supper, and then we did some shopping at Petsmart and Walmart.
It was nice to get out of town and forget about things for awhile.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
I'm not always strong.
This jumped out at me because I remember feeling just as you do and my sponsor surprising me with the news that I didn't have to be always strong either.
It's okay to be weak, it's okay to cry, it's okay to get angry and disappointed and miffed at life in general or at specific turd-like people who mess with our serenity. It's really really okay.
It's so very okay to "feel" whatever we feel. The trick is not to hang out there too long.
I saw you sneak back to gratitude. That tells me you are on the mend even if you don't feel it yet.
In the meantime, please know that I am happy to take my steel toed bunny slippers and give someone a good shinning! Really I am, just point the way.
Love you lots. You WILL be okay.
Big Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
I am not real clear on the specifics of the hand biting (and don't have to be)..but it sounds something like a huge issue that I am facing right now.
Because I am new to this area, the few persons I have met so far, are those who are my bf's group. To be fair..bf has his qualities, which I respect. I KNOW that when we have had conflict..each time, specifically relating to his drinking..that he has talked, behind my back..as to what happened and probably how I mistreated HIM. Most of these persons are drinking friends, who see nothing wrong with drinking, and, even if they did...have little to lose, compared to me, who hoped for a long term relationship.
One of them directly has cut me off. And..is specifically against my involvement with bf.
My gut instinct is that I am being lied about, and suffering because of it. I can't reach out to them for even fairness, much less support. I had begun to think of one as "my" friend as well...but I think if I were to reach out, I'd get bitten too.
It might not relate... but if it does, I can surely relate to the hurt you are feeling.
Because I am new to this area, the few persons I have met so far, are those who are my bf's group. To be fair..bf has his qualities, which I respect. I KNOW that when we have had conflict..each time, specifically relating to his drinking..that he has talked, behind my back..as to what happened and probably how I mistreated HIM. Most of these persons are drinking friends, who see nothing wrong with drinking, and, even if they did...have little to lose, compared to me, who hoped for a long term relationship.
One of them directly has cut me off. And..is specifically against my involvement with bf.
My gut instinct is that I am being lied about, and suffering because of it. I can't reach out to them for even fairness, much less support. I had begun to think of one as "my" friend as well...but I think if I were to reach out, I'd get bitten too.
It might not relate... but if it does, I can surely relate to the hurt you are feeling.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Ann
In the meantime, please know that I am happy to take my steel toed bunny slippers and give someone a good shinning! Really I am, just point the way.
For a long time after my ex-fiance walked out on me, people asked how I dealt with it. I just told them that at the end of the day, he had to look at himself in the mirror and that was far worse than any "bad" I might wish on him.
That's the attitude I take most days now if someone has hurt me.
Again, this was a lesson learned, painful though it was, and a time to re-evaluate what I consider friendships.
People aren't always what they seem to be, and therein lies the mistake I made in reaching out in this case.
Life goes on, and time will heal the pain.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by searchbug
My gut instinct is that I am being lied about, and suffering because of it. I can't reach out to them for even fairness, much less support. I had begun to think of one as "my" friend as well...but I think if I were to reach out, I'd get bitten too.
It might not relate... but if it does, I can surely relate to the hurt you are feeling.
It might not relate... but if it does, I can surely relate to the hurt you are feeling.
Sending you hugs of support, dear!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
For a long time after my ex-fiance walked out on me, people asked how I dealt with it. I just told them that at the end of the day, he had to look at himself in the mirror and that was far worse than any "bad" I might wish on him.
Thanks for saying this. It is something I really need to remember at this point. Maybe it is the alignment of the moon, but this weekend I can't get past the wishing 'bad' part. Your sage words are appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 119
Freedom, you are not alone. I can't count the many many people in my life whom I THOUGHT were my friends, only to learn the truth in a hurtful, heartbreaking way.
I get so mad at myself sometimes for isolating myself, but then I look at my track record of the people I've let in my life and I feel I can't trust anyone, including my own judgement. I think this is the hardest part in my recovery. Learning to trust again, and to ask for help.
So although when you asked for help, you got bitten, you're one step ahead of me by reaching out. Kudos!
I get so mad at myself sometimes for isolating myself, but then I look at my track record of the people I've let in my life and I feel I can't trust anyone, including my own judgement. I think this is the hardest part in my recovery. Learning to trust again, and to ask for help.
So although when you asked for help, you got bitten, you're one step ahead of me by reaching out. Kudos!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I worry when I see words like "gutted," Dev. Such a raw thing to be.
When I feel that way I also feel anger with myself for letting that deep inner belly be exposed. Trust is a tender thing, too and to put out my hand for help to someone I trusted to respond kindly and have that trust broken sets me so far back sometimes.
I commend you for not retreating.
You put your heart out in your post here despite that gutted feeling and you were taken in with open arms (even if not literally). I am glad to hear it helped and you are slowly stitching your feelings back up.
Hang in there, friend.
Alice
When I feel that way I also feel anger with myself for letting that deep inner belly be exposed. Trust is a tender thing, too and to put out my hand for help to someone I trusted to respond kindly and have that trust broken sets me so far back sometimes.
I commend you for not retreating.
You put your heart out in your post here despite that gutted feeling and you were taken in with open arms (even if not literally). I am glad to hear it helped and you are slowly stitching your feelings back up.
Hang in there, friend.
Alice
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