Tally

I talk to one of my friends online/RL. We banter but he often calls me names in jest both online and in person.

Like if I say something daft he'll call me a "knob" or a "daft tw*t". It makes me uncomfortable and 99.9% of the time I have an issue with it but don't make it into an issue.

He text me last week and we were messing around and he called me a name...I told him in a banter kinda way that he's not the boss of me and doesn't get to call me names. He kinda ignored that but stopped.

Tonight again he just called me another name because I didn't understand a joke. Ok, he was messing but it annoys me. So I told him half joking to stop with the name calling and put a smiley face.
He carried on...convo went as below...

Him - You didn't read properly, lol.

Me - I did! You just didn't make yourself clear! :p

Him - What a knob!

Me - Don't start the name calling you

Him - stop bangin on now

Me - Well stop calling me names then!

Him - SILENCE! :p

Me - The silence is fine, but no names!

Him - errr soz dillweed, sausage jockey ok?

Me - No. No names.

Him - can name call if i want :p

Me - There's a reason you're single u know.

Him - without name calling we might as well be overly sensitive upper class

Me - Well I've asked you nicely.

Him - you can call me what u want and i expect to be able to do the same. It's called not taking things to heart and i've ignored you equally as nicely.

Me - Goodnight then.

Him - I'll do it for an easy life, cos I like an easy life. I wonder if **** or **** (best friend names) are allowed to do name calling? i'll bet they are. You're applying negative connotations to it where there isn't any,
can you not see the difference of when it's being said in jest and when it's being said in anger? Two totally different feelings and meanings.

Me - I'm really not and they don't call me anything like p*** or knob or b****d or ******** or t**t. 99.9% of the time it bothers me and it bothers me in person too, as I told you many, many times. Am not applying anything to it and I understand you're only messing, am just telling you in a friendly manner that am not keen, that's all.

Him - Makes me feel like i have to follow guidelines to chat to you which is never good.

Me - Well you can carry on if you like but it makes me feel uncomfortable to be called names. I don't like it and it's down to you whether you respect that or not I guess, I don't have to speak to you afterall. Goodnight x



Am I over reacting? I understand he's messing but still don't like it. There are less harsh words that can be used in jest, use one of those words! Just feels disrespectful but may be my own fault because I didn't nip it in the bud when it started. I hate confronting people about behaviour I don't like. Makes me feel uncomfortable.

dollydo

No, you set your bounderies, if this person over steps them, then I would let them go. There are alot of other people in the world who you can chat with.

Freedom1990

I don't care to be called names either. I don't think you overreacted at all. A friend will respect your feelings.

MTSlideAddict

I don't feel you were in the wrong. If it makes you uncomfortable then it was good that you let him know. He does not have the right to call you anything he wants; that is disrespectful.

I personally would have done the same thing. I do not like to be called names;it does not make me feel good. Don't let him walk all over you.

Tuffgirl

How old is this person?!

Tally

Nearly 40, lol.

I do feel that it's disrespectful too. I have told him on many occasions to stop but he just carries on. Must be fun for him or just habit, or maybe he doesn't like being told what to do. Don't think he's used to boundaries.

Pelican

I'm not a fan of the name calling either. It feels like a twisted sarcastic game. It feels like I can degrade you and minimize you as long as I tell you I was just joking, wrong!

Say what you mean,
mean what you say,
Just don't say it mean!

wellnowwhat

Bullies tell you that you can't take a joke. Nice people apologize.

You've done nothing wrong.

m1k3

I am a former Marine. I can give you a whole bunch of 'fun' names you can call him if you want. IMO he is playing dominance games. If he keeps it up after you asked him not to then you might want to reconsider his friendship.

Your non - name calling friend,

GettingBy

Oooh, I really like that. It's sooo true. I really don't like being told to "get over it" or "you're too sensitive!" when something hurts my feelings. When someone treats me that way, the relationship is heading for the grave because their behavior shows that they don't respect me.

You did the right thing Tally! My ex-fiance's Mom used to tell/warn us all the time... "Your sarcasm towards each other is going to erode away the love and respect!!" And she was right - our joking killed our relationship. Calling people names, even in jest, does not build a relationship up... only breaks it down.

OnMyWay11

IMHO you have set the boundary. He can respect it or not. If not, you can continue to be uncomfortable or not talk with him. If he continues and you allow it, what will he be calling you a month from now?

Tuffgirl

I think this guy is super juvenile and like Mike says - dominating the interaction by degrading you in a "joking" way.

Here's a good response..."Dude! What are you, like 5 years old? Grown ups don't use the words knob, dillweed, & sausage jockey. Call me when you decide to grow the heck up."

Tally

Thank you for all the responses. I should trust my own intuition but I know that I can be a bit sensitive since the exABF so it's nice to have a place I can check these types of things with. I feel I was pretty clear last night so if it happens again I shall not seek out conversation with this guy any more, it's not even like he's a best friend although he considers me to be one of his.

Juvenile is the word. I probably used to be that way too 10 years ago, feels like I've changed and he hasn't and that may be where the problem lies.