Stardust70

Thank you Anvilhead, Your words are true, but still make me feel sad in a way... Of course he wasn't always drunk physically, but i guess his behavior has changed even though while was sober (at work, in the morning etc....) Also i liked that he was a jolly drunk, not abusive, angry as my ex husband and my dad used to be...It didn't bother me, if he could leave a normal life and maybe just get drunk once in a while, and losing his job, etc... I feel like i could help him go through this period . Not necessary as a couple, but a friend who will always catch him when he falls, without enable him blindly...

Stardust70

Thanks Freedom1990, Thats what I've tried to say. I wish I could tell him, he needs more than just AA and the gym. I don't think he ever faced his demons sincerely, what issues made him start drinking at a very young age...I hope he will find a way , and can leave a fulfilled life without regrets.

Thumper

Stardust - have you ever gone to al-anon? It might be really helpful for you. I also really found "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie to be a great book.

You deserve a fulfilled life without regrets too. If you can move the focus onto yourself, you can have it, no matter what path he chooses.

It also helped me to continually move the focus to 'reality' which is what I had here and now, in this moment. Reality is not what he was yesterday, not what he promised to be tomorrow, not what I wanted or hoped for, not the dreams we shared, not the fantasy in my head, not what he could be if only he did xyz. Reality is simply what is true in this moment. It was really hard for me to hone in on that (and I still have to make a conscious effort) but it really does make things more clear and goes a long way in helping me focus on myself and not those around me.

marshalldillon

I agree wholeheartly what your saying. When you drink you are a different person..............

Programmatic

Consider that some of the counselors and therapists at one of the nation's preeminent treatment centers come into the same Al-Anon meetings I attend exhibiting the same behaviors, woes and concerns as myself. they make statements such as, "I deal with this professionally all day long with no issues but as soon as I come home or get around my family and the problem is closer to my heart the same behavior I treat comes out in me".

I have found that the closer you get to me emotionally and spiritually the more often and strongly the ISMs manifest. My wife and I are both recovering but we are pretty well useless for each other in that regard.

dollydo

You are on the rebound, this certainly is not the time to hook up with an alcoholic.

This may be the time to work on you, your self esteem. Having a man in your life does not define you, who you are. Having a man is not the all, the reason for your being. That is a fantasy that too many women embrace.

Fix yourself, as you cannot fix him.