heres2hope

I am completely down in the dumps. My husband lost his job about a year and a half ago. Then last week, he was offered another position, but then that job fell through. Since then, he's gone through about 12 beers a day. Actually, I told him yesterday that it was not good that he went through 24 beers in 2 days and his quote to me was, "Well actually, it was 48 in 4 days." When he said that, it pissed me off beyond belief. I told him he was drunk and that I would be spending the night in our sons' room (I knew the place was too small when we bought it! )

I am just tired of being the only person working. Our oldest son was so excited to start preschool, but now that is not a possibility. (However, luckily, we found a place that will take him part time for $500, which is doable). I'm tired of being the one that takes on extra jobs for grocery money. I'm tired of worrying about whether I'll come home to two children and a drunk husband. I'm tired of being the only person to respond to the baby when he cries. I'm tired of being the only person who seems to care that he is drinking so much. He certainly doesn't. I'm tired of thinking about how to explain all this to my children. I'm tired of worrying about the future. I want to work on my marriage, but it's getting awfully hard. He keeps saying that he's taken care of me for the last nine years and now I'm ready to bail after one year. However, he seems to forget that
I was working and contributing the whole time. Granted he contributed more but still...

I'm also tired of trying to talk to him and being completely blown off. I guess this turned out to be quite complain-y. and I'm not even sure it makes sense, but I do feel a little bit better now.

Happiness Fairy

I completely understand how you feel - TIRED. I am in a similar boat three kids and the only one doing anything. I got pregnant with our youngest when our middle one was only 7 months old. I figured now he would have to pitch in... NOPE! I did it all. I can remember times when I would be feeding the baby and holding the other one because she was still a baby too. He just slept through it all. Even when I tried to wake him it was futile.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your journey. Listen to your intuition and you'll know what's right for you. BTW - your children are lucky to have such a wonderful, strong, dedicated mom.

nicam

You are not alone on this one. I worked 2 jobs to support my XABF and if I had been doing that alone I'd be in a swell financial spot. Unfortunately I am flat broke now. Between him destroying my phone, computer, and other necessities in a drunken rage, loads of parking tickets, stealing my money to buy booze and coke, traipsing all around the city daily in my car spending almost $200 a week in gas, I'm tapped out.

Once he finally did get a good job and I quit one of mine he bailed on me. At least you got 9 years of contribution from his ass...lol.

Don't continue like this, it will kill you. The resentments that build up in this kind of situation are a danger to our health IMO.

chronsweet

Going through the same tired, frustrated, burnt out bs that you are. It takes so much energy to raise a child (I only have one), and then to deal with someone who SHOULD care but truly just DOESN'T. It is so mentally taxing. I think I am actually over the heartache, I just feel numb towards him now. Why should I care when I know he doesn't as he verbally and mentally abuses me and has a sinister smile (as if he actually likes to see me being caused pain) and takes another sip off his 'beer'. It is really just sick and disgusting and I have no pity left in myself for him anymore, I just pity myself.

I am getting out. I met with someone who I am going to rent a room from tonight and we seemed to really get along. I will have to sacrifice and share a room with my 19 month old son until I can get some money saved up for our own place, get child support established, but he probably won't ever remember having to share a room with mom anyways. Besides, he sleeps with me anyways. And we won't have to listen to drunko snoring in an alcoholic state anymore either.

Have you gotten to the point where the A just disgusts you? I mean literally just makes you ill to your stomach.

I like you, supported my A-baby-daddy for 3.5 years and then got him a freaking job where upon he just accuses me of being the 'shop sl**' now, when I am an old fashioned kind of girl who would NEVER cheat and especially get my b/f a job working with someone I am cheating on him with. DUH. SO stupid.

I feel so empowered knowing I am leaving. Perhaps you can get up the courage to do the same. Statistics say only 1 percent of these guys really truly change. Are you willing to wait your entire life for that day, if it ever comes. Statistics show how much damage these A-holes do to their kids too! Protect the children.

TakingCharge999

You can change your circumstances anytime.

Working on a relationship takes 2. If someone else can't, or won't work their half, that says a lot about that person, it does not say anything about you.

Something else that I would like to say is this, there are no "failures", everything is an experience, and if you learn from it, you are doing well...

nicam

Good for you, chronsweet! So glad you will finally have some peace.

My XABF used to accuse me of cheating in the most outlandish situations and places too. So ridiculous.

The worst part is all of the extra work you do in order to support 2 people is not only unappreciated but met with abuse and accusations. I was just SO exhausted from working SO hard and in my very limited down time had to deal with his BS. No time to relax and unwind, no time for me. Meanwhile he'd be home masturbating, drinking copious amounts of beer, working out, and watching TV all day. Must be nice...

TakingCharge999

My ex's were good-for-nothings too but I was the one who decided to spend time with them, and stay with them. No one was forcing me to be with anyone. Focusing on my own choices is the only way I have felt free. I say this after focusing on everyone else's mistakes and defects for almost 3 decades. My outcome was resentment and chronic stress and health issues. I see the same outcomes for family members who have regarded themselves as victims all their life. This inspires me to do something different. Because its very sad to witness.

Thinking aloud here... "take what you want and leave the rest" as Cyranoak says.

heres2hope, what happens next? you becoming so mentally/physically exhausted, that you lose your physical health?