wywriter

That's right, folks, you heard it here first -- AH has decided that he and I have a trust problem. I agreed, we do. After taking a debit card into my possession which has only money that I earned on it, he demanded it back and I told him no. My assertion is that the money is to get my van fixed, which has been inoperable since last September, and the money is not to be spent. He told me that he can't fix trust issues I have from previous relationships, and I told him that it's not from a previous relationship. My trust issues stem from him taking bill money out of my accounts and drinking it.

I'm not sure what the protocol is on things like this; I know in most cases it's best to avoid mention of the drinking. However, I felt that this was relevant to the conversation and was the only appropriate response. He's drunk, so my timing probably wasn't the best. This all stemmed from him saying that pizza would be nice for dinner, and I told him I would go get it if he has method of payment. He told me I have method of payment (in fact, he's supposed to be the one calling the garage tomorrow about making an appointment for the van), and that I needed to learn how to provide for the family. Erm...I own my own business, and he has been unemployed for eight months. I may still have gotten a pizza for dinner, except he asked me to stop by the liquor store and get another 6-pack and a pint of Calvert. I said no, and went back to work.

All I can say is -- it's a mere statement of facts, that is precisely why I don't reveal the whereabouts of the debit cards, except for the one that has his unemployment on it and so it's technically "his" money. While we've never technically had separate finances, it's always been on the premise that whoever makes the money determines how it's spent, more or less...at least, I don't feel like I have the right to try to tell him what to do with money that he's earned, or that has been supplied to him for past earnings.

I guess my question is, is there a better way to handle the situation? That is, any situation where an A says something to which the only truthful response is one that deals directly with alcohol? The setting made it less-than-constructive, except that he took his own card back to the liquor store, got another round, and came back and drank enough to pass out for the night. That's as close to success as it can come for me at this time.

dollydo

I can't think of a better way...although I always deal my cards face up...so, perhaps others can come up with a solution.

In my book, you did just fine! And you got a bonus too, he passed out.

LexieCat

As long as it doesn't turn into a harangue about drinking (which it didn't), the mere mention of alcohol isn't off-limits, IMO. Sounds to me like he asked the question, you answered in an honest and matter-of-fact way without getting emotional.

Heh, can we tune in for frequent updates on this breaking story?

wywriter

Certainly! I'm sure our star reporter will have a few more comments the next time he has to get up for a refill :P. Maybe I can claim a couple extra points for not laughing at him saying the same thing back to me that I've tried to say many times before. My guess is that the next update will have something to do with me not spending enough time with the kids, or how I'm not attentive enough to his needs and he's feeling a dire case of emotional apathy .

Thank God for the days I'm just determined to laugh, no matter what transpires.