Midwestman

He hates you because you are the enemy of his real true love..alcohol..your wanting him to be sober means he would have to part with his true love...he hates as anyone would who is trying to destroy their lover..therefore he fights you back to protect "her"

transformyself

For me, this battle, framed in this way, is un-winnable, and I'm a fighter. A champion prize fighter.

Any good political strategist will tell you the only way to win this fight is to reframe the issue.

Here's I did:

I am leaving you now
I am free of you and your toxic behavior.
This is my choice
All is for my greater good.

I repeat this until it sinks in, until I stop the war between myself, AH and the bottle in my head. Then I refocus on myself, on what I need to do to be happy and healthy, and make it happen. No blaming anyone. No victim viewpoint. No battle. Just me, my kids and taking control of the only thing I can-my thoughts and actions.

Peacefulfeeling

It is very hard to be treated with such hatred by someone you love and feel so connected to. He is not capable of real love and intimacy, not in the sense of a reasonable person. Anything that comes between him and his addiction will be hated and blamed. My exAH is so full of hate for everyone including himself but not the bottle, the bump, the toque etc. Substance always wins, until he chooses otherwise.