outdoor1

Her 21 yr old son is out of control. He was arrested two weeks ago and got fired from his job, and then quit college during the last week of this semester before finishing, landed back on her doorstep, and with a new puppy. He's been arrested for DUI and disorderly conduct and for recieving drugs in the mail (felony) in three seperate incidents in the last 6 months. My heart aches for her because she isn't in a position to deal with any of this, being out of money and in temporary housing, with a brand new job and another college kid to support (because her alcoholic husband she divorced a couple of years ago has been NO help, at all).

I don't know what to say to her, .....what advice to give. She wants him gone to treatment ASAP, which he's said he would do, but has not made a move on yet. The son has no money and my GF can't afford to pay his treatment. This is a real problem, as "free" treatment seems really hard to find. She feels really bad putting him out on the doorstep but he's driving her car with a revoked license, partying, inviting friends over to drink, not working, or getting a "plan", etc., and he's being disrespectful to her and yelling at her. She has reached out to me for advice, knowing I've had a fair amount of craziness in my house in past years.

My advice was for her to take care of "her" and get rid of the dog, take his keys away, and tell him he has to move, somewhere now, whether to treatment or not, but that he can't stay there. He's driving her nuts with his problems and lingering serious legal issues.

What other advice can I give her?

m1k3

Why not suggest she come here to SR and to go to al-anon? Huge amounts of support and experience from people who are going through or have gone through the exact same things.

TeM

Difficult situation. It sounds like you've given her solid advice, but I'm sure it will be difficult for her. I believe that we love our children unconditionally, but that doesn't mean we have to perpetually support them or condone everything they do.

Still, as parents, our instinct is to catch them when they stumble... even after they're grown.

Freedom1990

I agree with Mike, send her here to SR and strongly suggest Alanon to her.

It sounds like she does need to get him out of the home ASAP.

The Salvation Army offers free rehab:
The Salvation Army: Adult Rehabilitation

Panther

Outdoor -

You are right. Free treatment is hard to find, but it is available. There are many free places available for most counties. You can contact a county hospital and ask them what is available. There is also places around the country which offer free treatment, but you would have to pay for air fare.

You can message me if you need more info. Unfortunately options are limited, but at least there are options.

Panther

outdoor1

Thnks everybody. Apparently there is a ray of hope here for my friend, as this kids grandparents have surfaced (he doesn't really have a relationship with them) and offered to let him live with them (but he doesn't want to live with them), and to help financially with his treatment. We'll see what happens next.

Justfor1

If he is driving her car and his license is revoked she can be held responsible if he gets in an accident and is boozed up. It sounds as if he is headed to prison for a while with all his legal issues.

steve11694

If he hurts someone, kills someone, damages property, her assets can be taken.


Take the keys from him.