fedup3

ksumm, no it's not easy to say at all. I love my husband and I've known him for over 40 years when we were young and he was my best friend. Now I'm no longer his best friend he has something more important to him than me. I finally had to look at my life a year ago when I was diagnosed with cancer and though his sickness didn't cause my cancer it made me realize that all the strain of our relationship brought my immune system so low that I was a prime candidate for it. What help would I be to him if I were dead? I want to live and not just exist but live and I'm letting him go so he can decide whether he wants to live or not. I'm praying for him that God will get a hold of his life, open his eyes and turns him around.

I'll pray for you.

Thumper

Hugs to you. It is not easy for anyone here whether or choice is to stay together or separate. If it was we wouldn't be here.

I used to have this as my signature quote.

Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”


It is all about how you want to live your life, what kinds of people and behavior you want in your life, what you need from a partner. When you figure that out then the tricky part is figuring out how to walk towards it.

TakingCharge999

TakingCharge999

And he may never see it differently. Even in his deathbed with doctors explaining it to him. And you might have had spent all your life waiting for a miracle that never happened. With all the mental/emotional/physical stress it involves.

He does not seem to care much about his health so he can't care about yours. You care about him. Who cares about ksumm77 and her wellbeing, in this picture?? who is looking after her?

I met WWII survivors when I was in university. If someone went through hell it was them, in Auschwitz. They did not become addicts, nor abusive towards anyone, in fact I got the chance to talk to them after their conference and they were the sweetest, most compassionate men I have seen. They were very old (around 82/85) and having no family left they were touring universities sharing the truth and so much wisdom, humanity.

Regardless of the hell a person has lived it does not give him or her the right to behave in a violent manner towards another adult. Unless that someone else is a masochist, or for some reason (conscious or unconscious) chooses to be a willing participant. I am of the idea that being an active addict while in a relationship with someone is a way of exercising violence, because its not only you in an isolated island, you are affecting others, harming their hearts and creating wounds that take years or decades to heal. And often, laughing about it, and dismissing it completely. (At least that is my experience).


It is not easy to leave, leaving my alcoholic ex was the most difficult and painful thing I had to do. Thus over 5000 posts and still reading and posting here 2.5 years after I last talked to him. I don't think people here say it is easy. They-we- just say it is worth it. You matter, too. You got input from others with experience about steroid users. The man you describe is no different. And the posters here sharing ESH are no different from you either.


To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. (Chinese Proverb)


PS Sorry if I sounded blunt or hostile, my post is meant with respect and concern for you. Therapy was my main source of support when I was confused about staying with an emotionally and verbally abusive man. When I was in the middle of it all I was not able to see reality clearly. That is the gift of therapy: clarity. Actions or non-actions (and their consequences) are all up to you. But after some sessions you are no longer in a place of confusion, you know the other person, you know you, you know what you want, you know what you are receiving. You are no longer blindfolded. You are no longer surprised. You no longer take decisions by holding to a fantasy and illusions.

GettingBy

No one can tell you what to do, but I think what people are trying to get you to see is that there is a door to the cell you are in right now... And you have the key to that door. You may not have the desire or strength to use the door... But it's there. You have options. You do not have to stay and suffer, and play the victim.

You are a lovable person worthy of being treated with respect. While you are capable of loving and caring for your husband ... You deserve a partner who is capable of giving back to you as much, or more, of what you give out.

You don't have to make any decisions on your marriage today. But I would suggest you make a decision on your relationship with yourself. Start loving yourself more today. Put time into your recovery.... And in time, the other answers will come to you, whatever they may be.

lillamy

Hugs to you. I knew only one thing when I allowed myself to accept that my husband was an alcoholic: That I would never divorce him. That, to me, was the only given. We would work through this together. If he didn't want to, didn't think there was a problem, God and I would work through it. Because I did not believe in divorce.

It's a laudable position. Just make sure you're holding on for the right reasons. I found that I wasn't really holding on because I loved him and was convinced it was the right thing to do -- I was holding on because I wanted to show the world how much better and stronger I was than other women who just left their spouses willy-nilly. And that superiorness, along with the fact that I had three children, was the only thing standing between me and suicide many nights.

But that was me and you aren't me. I just wanted to tell you that what it all comes down to is that you are responsible for your life. And that's all. Not anybody else's. Unless you have children. In which case you need to consider what's best for them.

lillamy

Oh and this:
Steroids are evil.

thequest

One of the side effects of steroids is that they can raise blood pressure which in turn causes other problems like not being able to cool the body. The steroid users I know always need air conditioning even when it's not hot out. While most others aren't even running a fan they're cranking an AC and fan because they 'feel hot'. Well between the steroids and alcohol yes that will raise body temp.

So while you are saving money along with being quite comfortable the juicer will rack up an electric bill that they probably will not wind up not paying. They'll be making noise(the running ac unit) and quite possibly make you cold/uncomfortable. Point being that this will be just one of the 'quirks' that you will have to tolerate if you stay with a steroid user.

They'll wind up focusing on their physical state alright-at your expense.