Alcoholic boyfriend how to cope or move on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 5
Advice
I just joined and have been reading the late posts...I too have been in a live in relationship for over 2 years. We were actually engaged. We were both divorce I have two kids he has one. He was 5 years sober, we started a business 1 year later it failed. He started drinking. Drove home drunk flipped his car. That's when it started. Dui/reckless drinking. We were great before it happened for one year. Soul Mates and best friends. So now to present moment. Three wrecks in hospitizated. Sober 90 days and two months ago he started again. Brought all the fear back and I shut down. I asked him to move out so we could have space from all the fighting. I didn't like the anger. It was like Dr.Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I was not with the same man. Verbally mean or I should say texting. Always saying I was cheating in reality it was just stuff he was putting in his head. He started going to AA meeting because he said I am the one and he loves answer cares about me and don't want to lose me. At this point he is not living at home. In a motel, he actually has a stable job but can't afford his bills. His son lives with ex wife most of the time. He always blames me..I talk to.his sponsor and he tells me not to enable him. It is so hard..I love and care about him and I try to stay strong and firm..he is not allowed home until I see he wanting to change. He suffers from depression as well so when he goes cold turkey he needs something to numb so he smokes weed. He says helps take away the dts and he don't crave alcohol. I honestly don't care about the weed. But I have asked him not to smoke because he needs to find out why he needs to numb. I am lost at this point. I know i am not perfect. I have always been a strong independent person and I feel so weak. All I want to do is cry. I feel like if I am not supportive I am giving up on us. When I say I need space he says ok I will just go find someone else. Which he knows will hurt me. I have gone to Alonon meetings and they have helped, but when you are actually put to the test you are afraid to make the jump. Advice please
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Sd, and welcome.
This thread is pretty old (from 2013) so I suggest you start your own new thread--you will get more responses that way.
You're on the right track not allowing him to come back at this point. Smoking weed is NOT sobriety and it will lead him right back into drinking.
Keep going to Al-Anon. You don't have to decide anything this minute. If you keep the focus on you, things will eventually become clearer.
Let me ask, do YOU have a sponsor? That's a better person for you to be talking to than HIS sponsor (who has given you good advice, however).
This thread is pretty old (from 2013) so I suggest you start your own new thread--you will get more responses that way.
You're on the right track not allowing him to come back at this point. Smoking weed is NOT sobriety and it will lead him right back into drinking.
Keep going to Al-Anon. You don't have to decide anything this minute. If you keep the focus on you, things will eventually become clearer.
Let me ask, do YOU have a sponsor? That's a better person for you to be talking to than HIS sponsor (who has given you good advice, however).
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
I really don't have much to say other than it really is not worth the energy and effort that you are going to put into this relationship if you stay.
Originally Posted by RRTL 
It brings me some peace of mind to have found this website I don’t feel so alone on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now and he is an alcoholic. I am so disappointed in myself my entire youth I promised myself I wouldn’t never date an alcoholic since my father was one. When I first started dating my boyfriend I didn’t know he was an alcoholic until five months into the relationship. I’m not going to lie I had a feeling after a couple of months but I ignored it because he is a great person when he doesn’t drink. When I confronted him he denied it. After five months we had a long talk and he cut down, which I thought for a long time. After one year of dating lots of things changed, emotionally I wasn’t the same anymore, I started developing anxiety .There has been times that he could be so mean verbally when he drinks and the next day he acts like nothing. When we go out by ourselves or with friends 80% of the time he gets really drunk to the point that I have to drive home or get a taxi. The next day he doesn’t remember anything. That’s one of the problems I can’t babysit him all the time. When he drinks hard liquor he doesn’t remember the next day, how can I trust someone like that. Everyone that knows him and I tell me that I am too good for him that he doesn’t treat me how I should be treated, and I know that but don’t know why I stay. I love him and I know he loves me to but that is not enough anymore. I have started counseling to deal with my issues, on why I stay, but I am still in the relationship. If anyone can give me advise on this please. Every night I go to sleep thinking on how much more time can i invest in him. It makes it really hard because I love him, I expect what should be right to me in a relationship but dont feel like its going to happen.
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