m91

i originally wrote this in the wrong thread, i dont know how to delete it or move it so im posting it in here as well for i am desperate for help

my dad has been drinking for a week straight, he wakes up normal but then starts drinking again. im so worried about him, today and yesterday hes been in bed almost the whole day. he has a bottle of hard liquor in his room and he locks himself in there so no one bothers him. i keep trying to talk to him to stop but he just tells me hes going to get better, but he seems worse than when he started.
i really love my dad and have no idea what to do
im trying to convince him to go to the hospital so they could help him but he just keeps telling me hes going to get better but im so scared for him i love him with all of my heart
what can i do? he wont listen to anyone

Seren

Hi m91, Welcome to SR!!!

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, but glad you have found us!

One of the hardest truths that all of us have had to accept is this....there is nothing we can do to stop someone from drinking. They have to decide for themsevles that they want to change.

We learn something called the 3C's:
We did not cause the addiction.
We cannot control the addict.
We cannot cure the addiction.

There will be others along soon to offer their experience and support. There is always hope.

Again, I'm so glad you found us. Stick around, keep reading other threads, and educate yourself on this disease called addiction.

HG

m91

i wish there was something i could do to help him though
i have called this local al anon place before but they dont answer... i will try calling tomorrow again though, since the answering machine says they already closed for the day

Seren

((((m91)))) I know it hurts....all of us here know that it hurts.

If love were enough to cure addiction, none of us would be here. I hope you and your mom will seek out some face-to-face support for yourselves.

Hugs, HG

barb dwyer

Hi and welcome to the forum!

You didn't mention how old you are?

I can think of another occasion
that someone did this

He was my bartending mentor.

Is there any family members he listens to?

You've got a few options -

because this sounds like an ultimate binge kind of thing.

and that's how my mentor drank.
he'd binge for weeks
miss work
the whole nine yards

sometimes a family member could come
talk him out of it.
sometimes his daughter could gripe him into it

they even had their priest come once.

YOu might want to try calling the local Alcoholics Anonymous
and see if anyone could come 'Twelvth Step' him
even if it's through the door.

I will tell you that
it will probably not do any good.
I want to be up front about that.

Once a binger is 'on the runner'
they aren't coming off it
until they get so sick
they can't go on.

Legally -
I doubt there's anything you can do either.

He has to stop on his own.

BUt you've come here
and that's a good start for you.

I'd like to know how old you are -
his daughter was eighteen
and the laws were set up
so she had no legal recourse.

I hope something in here helps -

try the local AA
or Alano Club -
that's where the AA people usually hang out
waiting for calls like this.

ANd they'll be familiar with local programs
or something
that might be able to help.

DO keep calling the Alanon in your area as well - for YOU.

And feel free to keep posting here -
we're up at all hours and you can post all you like!

Welcome to SR.

m91

hi Barb, im 20 years old... he isnt close to his brothers or sisters, and im his only daughter...
he actually went to alcoholics anonymous for a while last year, but then he started to drink and stopped going. When he started to drink i got scared so i went to AA to ask what could be done and if they could help. Well one of the people that attend AA told my dad that i went, and my dad wasnt happy about that so he decided never to go again because of what i did. so calling AA again wont be a good idea i dont want to screw up again and make things worse

Seren

You didn't screw up....if you were powerful enough to make him drink, you would be powerful enough to get him to stop. None of us is that powerful.

AA meetings, unless an open AA meeting, are for alcoholics. Al-Anon is for those of us who love an alcoholic, whose lives have become unmanageable trying to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. We become consumed with fear about every action the A takes, what we did or did not do to cause it, what sort of mood the A is in today......essentially, WE hit our own bottom and seek help.

Many folks here have found wonderful, face-to-face support by attending Al-Anon meetings. But........you don't go to an Al-Anon meeting expecting the group to give you the tools you need to fix the A. That's not how it works.

You and your Mom can be happy again regardless of what your Dad decides to do with his life and his drinking.

Keep asking questions and keep posting. We are here for you!

Hugs, HG

m1k3

M91, just a little clarity. You CAN'T make things worse and you CAN'T make things better. His drinking is his, it has nothing to do with you. Remember the 3 c's.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

Read the stickies and spend a lot of time here. It has really helped my with my AW. Go to some Al-Anon meetings, there are people there just like you who would love to help.

From my experience the best thing you can do is focus on your own recovery. He will either stop drinking or he won't but there is nothing you can do about it.

Again from experience I feel so much better since I began to recover, it is like getting a huge weight off of your shoulders.

Good luck with whatever choices you choose to make and remember there are many people who understand exactly what you are going through.

Your friend,

m91

well the reason i went to AA to look for help was because my dad had been attending their meetings before he started to drink again. so i thought they would be able to help someone they already knew about.
but instead of being able to help, my dad just got mad because i went to ask for help.

Today i called an Al-anon place, and i will start going next week. they only meet once a week so i have to wait.

Ive read some of the stickies, like the one about the characteristics of adult children of an alcoholic and that made me realize that i really should seek help for myself.. i wasnt even really thinking of how much this was affecting me until i came on here.
so thank you

Seren

Keep reading, keep asking questions. Sometimes we just don't know how affected we become by the drinking of a parent, significant other or child until someone else points it out to us.....

I hope that you and your Mom won't be afraid to ask for the help you need. Your whole family will be in my prayers.

HG

m91

thank you so much hydrogirl that means a lot to me! i am glad i found this forum, i dont feel that alone anymore, seeing how many people go through this. its truly horrible how our loved ones can fall into such a horrible addiction.

Ive been reading the thread about Things a "normie" wouldnt know.. and its just shocking, ive always seen this lifestyle as "normal" and obviously its not.

m1k3

I Know I spent a lot of time there when I first started here.

Not sure if it was in that thread or not.

Al-anon, a place where a group of total strangers can get to together and reminisce. Funny and said at the same time, something else a normie wouldn't know.