ICURN

AH started drinking heavily about 6 months ago. One night he was really upset and started punching his car, etc.

I have a 14 yr old in the house and just wanted him gone- he had never done that and I was feeling pretty panicked. I called his sister and told her about this outburst, and to please come pick him up for the night.

Her responses:
He's a man- you won't let him drink in his own house?!

He must be unhappy- what's going on over there?!

That family dinner you hosted- was he made to feel welcome or was he a guest in his own home?! No wonder he was binging and hiding it that night!

I saw my dad drunk and it didn't kill me. Those girls need there dad!

I never would have allowed this in my house!

Now we used to do alot of stuff with them, more than with my family. We've spent most holidays together, had football season tickets together, etc.

I dropped the witch on Facebook ( see my anger poking through here )
Now I'm seeing her Thursday and need to set some boundaries. Any advice?

Thanks!

Thumper

I'd nod a greeting and go as far away from her as I could, if she barbs or brings up a hot topic I'd smile and walk away, keep it civil, don't engage.

Families do not always get it and and it is just my opinion that it isn't or job to help them see the light. We are the last person to be able to do that and we have enough to deal with at the moment.

sandrawg

Ah, now you see why your H is an alcoholic. He came from a completely dysfunctional alcoholic family.

Probably best to not engage with her on Thursday. Go to a bunch of al-anon meetings beforehand to put you in the right head space.

I can't stand my exabfs family-they are all in so much denial about his problem, it makes me sick. Yet another reason why I walked away. I'd kinda like to find a boyfriend who doesn't drink and has a "normal" family that behaves sanely and rationally.

sandrawg

And btw I agree--call the cops when he's punching the car. Have them hawl his a%% to the nut house and keep him overnight for observation. Maybe the psychiatrists would make him do an AA meeting.

ICURN

I've decided not to see her. You're right, I have a choice in the matter! I share my birthday with her husband, who I enjoy spending time around.

Being around her will be stressful and it's my day

kittykitty

Great decision IC, have a great birthday!!!

RECF

I actually love my in-laws. I've always been amazed at how saint-like his mom and his sister are towards him, especially when he's drinking. They hold his face, get him to laugh and then he calms down. I never had that effect on him. He'd just get louder and meaner. Last Christams, I was actually jealous of how his mom was able to keep him in a good mood. Guess that's why he ended up with the G-d complex he's got.

barb dwyer

He's scared of them.
He's not scared of you.

I guarantee
that once in his past
sister beat the tar out of him.

So he's 'nice' to them.

I'm glad you made the decision you did.

Good for you!

StarCat

Happy Birthday!

Isn't it exciting learning that we actually do have a choice?
I remember discovering that - WOW. My life could actually be mind again.

Have a great birthday, because you deserve it!
And you deserve better than being stuck around someone who judges rather than listens.

stepsforward

Glad you decided not to spend time with her. We need to stay away from toxic people so we can heal. My inlaws always use to blame me for my RAH problems or tell me how I should handle it. Dont know how they feel about me now I dont bother with them anymore. It is about ME and what I want in life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Enjoy it

m1k3

7

Good for you. Enjoy your day because you deserve it.