Getting past and letting go of the anger
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Anger is a great motivator.
And, as opposed to guilt, actually useful, because of it.
I'm not worried about the residual anger I have. I figure it's like a fire: it'll burn out when it runs out of firewood. Unfortunately, with kids together, he keeps throwing logs on the fire for me.
But I'm not going to be concerned about it.
I'm going to be concerned about not focusing on it.
About living my life without him.
Enjoying the freedom I have without an A in my life.
And I figure in the end, I will be too busy and too happy to have time to be angry anymore.
And, as opposed to guilt, actually useful, because of it.
I'm not worried about the residual anger I have. I figure it's like a fire: it'll burn out when it runs out of firewood. Unfortunately, with kids together, he keeps throwing logs on the fire for me.
But I'm not going to be concerned about it.
I'm going to be concerned about not focusing on it.
About living my life without him.
Enjoying the freedom I have without an A in my life.
And I figure in the end, I will be too busy and too happy to have time to be angry anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
I have been there, and I still go there and dont like it at all....
But it has helped me to ACCEPT, this is part of the Merry Go Round Ride...
Like they say...This too, shall pass
But until it passes...It is gut wrenching, I so understand!!!
But it has helped me to ACCEPT, this is part of the Merry Go Round Ride...
Like they say...This too, shall pass
But until it passes...It is gut wrenching, I so understand!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: bay area, ca
Posts: 87
I can so relate to this. I am afraid my anger is starting to get a little too much now. It does give me the energy to do things to change my situation but it is completely draining me at the end of the day. I can feel all the stress/tension in my head/neck/shoulder. My therapist said - of course you will feel that anger - unless things change or I make them change, this is my body's way of telling me that things are unacceptable as is. I am struggling with detachment nowadays.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by posiesperson 
Thanks for this thread and all the comments.
I haven't been around much lately but so appreciate being able to count on this space being here.
I, too, am angry with my exH tonight, so don't have the kind of perspective I might like to be able to offer you. What I can say is, every part of this journey (it's been almost 5 years since we separated, and I'm angry tonight b/c of kid and money issues) has been full of useful lessons. Not easy, but useful. Alanon meetings, having a sponsor and a therapist all help to keep me moving forward into the life that I want, the one that helps me to find serenity even when I'm in the midst of a storm.
That doesn't mean that I don't have my moments, like tonight...but they just don't derail my entire life anymore. Yes, it's hard to stay on track. Sometimes I don't stay exactly on the track I want, but it's only a matter of time (usually a very short time) before I'm feeling serenity again, one day at a time, if I work the program instead of the problem. Wishing you peace~
Hugs,
posie
I haven't been around much lately but so appreciate being able to count on this space being here.
I, too, am angry with my exH tonight, so don't have the kind of perspective I might like to be able to offer you. What I can say is, every part of this journey (it's been almost 5 years since we separated, and I'm angry tonight b/c of kid and money issues) has been full of useful lessons. Not easy, but useful. Alanon meetings, having a sponsor and a therapist all help to keep me moving forward into the life that I want, the one that helps me to find serenity even when I'm in the midst of a storm.
That doesn't mean that I don't have my moments, like tonight...but they just don't derail my entire life anymore. Yes, it's hard to stay on track. Sometimes I don't stay exactly on the track I want, but it's only a matter of time (usually a very short time) before I'm feeling serenity again, one day at a time, if I work the program instead of the problem. Wishing you peace~
Hugs,
posie
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by laurie6781
I suspect your are more angry at her words and actions then at her. The words and actions are a by product of her alcoholism.
and for me, the symptoms of his disease, are not something I want to live with anymore. And as I step away from the insanity, the clarity settles in and the anger subsides.
When I put my hand back on the stove (ie. try to have a conversation with him about the drinking, money, or any other "trigger" topic)... all hell breaks loose, clarity is lost, and anger flares up.
Because we have two kids together, there will never be a time when I am truly free from him or anger... so I am trying to learn how to manage my interactions with him in a way that is healthier for me, and honors me and the person I strive to be.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
How dare you...
...be right. 
C-
C-
Originally Posted by Tuffgirl
Ha ha...are those resentments showing? But hell I think we have all been around the block of being taken to the cleaners in some form or another...be it financial or unrecognized/unappreciated labor...we all have anger toward the situation.
Just today on the way home I had a huge flash of anger...I made my first house payment this month, plus all of the start up utilities, on top of being a single parent with no child support...I am broke, broke, broke. Four years of marriage and I end up with less than nothing - had to start over, buy my own house again, replace furniture, go through the upheaval - because he's an alcoholic?! Oh yeah - when I get going down that road, watch out...I can go from 0 to 60 in 10 seconds.
But then I remember who put me in this position to begin with. ME. I chose this, I did the best I could with the information I had, I got myself into it and I am getting myself out of it (or at least putting a great deal of distance between the RAH and me, financially and emotionally). I can choose to be angry or not. And walking into MY house being met by excited and grateful dogs instead of an angry drunk...worth every dollar I make. Like Cyranoak - I will never again let go of my assets (all of them, damnit) on a promise from another.
Being angry seems pointless now. I'd rather go do something fun and interesting.
Just today on the way home I had a huge flash of anger...I made my first house payment this month, plus all of the start up utilities, on top of being a single parent with no child support...I am broke, broke, broke. Four years of marriage and I end up with less than nothing - had to start over, buy my own house again, replace furniture, go through the upheaval - because he's an alcoholic?! Oh yeah - when I get going down that road, watch out...I can go from 0 to 60 in 10 seconds.
But then I remember who put me in this position to begin with. ME. I chose this, I did the best I could with the information I had, I got myself into it and I am getting myself out of it (or at least putting a great deal of distance between the RAH and me, financially and emotionally). I can choose to be angry or not. And walking into MY house being met by excited and grateful dogs instead of an angry drunk...worth every dollar I make. Like Cyranoak - I will never again let go of my assets (all of them, damnit) on a promise from another.
Being angry seems pointless now. I'd rather go do something fun and interesting.
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