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limitations on interactions with kids for drinking/driving safety

Old 05-05-2011, 09:34 PM
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limitations on interactions with kids for drinking/driving safety

AH got his license back.

He says he is now on the road to recovery.

My problem is that he is telling me he slipped up on the day he got his DUI and the system I set up where my 10 yr old DS and 14 yr old DD decide whether or not they feel it is safe to be in car with AH should still work. (My 10 yr old was with my 17 yr old DD when AH was picking him up the night that ended in DUI, 10 yr old didn't want to go with AH and stayed with DS.)

I did set that up as there are many times when I am not available to be here for pick up from AH and also when DS and DD are spending weekend with AH.

These last two months since DUI (no driving) there have been many times that AH was drinking including last week when DS and DD called me 5 minutes after I dropped them off for their visit with him to tell me to come and get them because they weren't comfortable being with AH (he was drunk) and other weekends when he didn't even bother to make plans to spend time with them.

I just feel like AH is setting me up to take responsibility for his behavior and my kids up for disappointment.

I am meeting with lawyer next week to find out about taking care of the financial liability associated with any future DUI but also want to put measures in place that make it easier for me to be assured of DS and DD safety without putting them under diress.

I don't mean to be non-supportive of AH's recovery but he doesn't seem to be in recovery to me. Our "marriage counselor" tells me I cannot control what he does but something just doesn't seem right here.

I seem to be going through the mechanics of getting a divorce without the emotion. I am still hoping my AH seeks recovery but I don't even want to hope anymore as it seems he has decided not to seek recovery and he can continue doing what he is doing and not deal with any of the fallout.

He's a workaholic and a loner basically. I suppose he always was but the alcohol makes him nasty, depressed, anxious and obsessed about stuff and I can't seem to find the guy I loved and wanted to be with anymore.

Aside from that I am just focused on doing what is best for my kids. They want to be with AH and I am just learning how to establish my own boundaries around all this. No matter what AH says about drinking and driving I just know it is going to rear its ugly head and I can't be there all the time.
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:59 PM
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It is rough when you still have minor in the house. I would suggest that when you talk to your attorney you find out what it will take to get 'supervised' visitation, or some other limits such as no drinking 12 hours before visit and no drinking while children visit.

Not knowing what state you are in, this can be easy or difficult.

I would also suggest you 'DOCUMENT' even if it is in your own journal, each visit, what the children say, when they call for a pick up etc. If your journal is ongoing, and the only one to read it will be the judge, he/she will see the problem and your concerns.

J M H O

In the meantime, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.

Just imagaine, that although we are not there with you physically, that whatever room you are in we are all there filling it up. It does make these 'rough' times a bit easier. We are there with you in spirit!!!

Love and hugs,
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