Buffalo66

I was expecting an income for past money due to me, and found out last night that it was an accounting mistake and that it does not exist.

RAHs boss/payroll department has failed to properly remit his CS payments, so they are backed up...they have already been deducted from RAHs paychecks last two months...

In any case, I logged onto the ol' bank account and found it at nearly zero.

I listed a slew of paintings on facebook this morning as a Spring Sale, and am working it my best.
Have a job interview tomorrow. It could be a real, real job, which brings up a lot of chldcare questions, etc...

I am worried about how the real jobby might affect sons healthcare coverage.'

In the midst of this RAH gets wind that I am job hunting, "why?' he asked.

Because I need to pay the rent, buy food, utilities, etc.
He said that I was throwing drama at him, asking about child support payments, being dramatic about getting a job, while he is offering to buy me a car.

Really, this is what he said next:

"well, you will be evicted, and son will have to live with me..You will go to the homeless shelter, I guess. "

he started into "Why are you doing this to me?" (!?)

I just hung up. what a nutball.

wish me luck selling these art pieces.
and on the interview.

I believe the universe takes care of me if I take risks on its behalf.

barb dwyer

oh man. here have one of these

I'm a 'donkey on the edge' too
am beginning a huge conflict with the section 8
people
(and I use that term loosley)

and it's got me spitting nails.

We oughta start a 'teethgrinder's thread ' or something...

'vent this'

I know the terror of your residence being threatened.
it makes the entire world
a mean, angry, vicious place.

hang in hon!

Shellcrusher

Good luck Buffalo66

GettingBy

You'll be fine... your HP will watch over you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and have faith.

I'm always overwhelmed with how much my HP takes care of me... if I just let go and have faith.

I wouldn't bother having any discussions with your RAH about money. They won't lead you any place good.

blueblooms14

Good luck with the art and job! I hope the bounty rains down.

StarCat

XABF was buying me $900 jackets and $100 prints for my wall, when everything I physically needed at the time went ignored, even though it would only cost $20 in total.
He wanted to bribe me with pretty things, things he could point to and announce, "I bought her that really expensive Burberry umbrella! See how generous I am!" But he did not want to help me with my day-to-day needs, because he couldn't point and brag and say, "I bought her that cheap, generic $5 bra because hers wore out!"
It wasn't about what I needed, it was about the show, and about what OTHERS thought.

I have discovered that now that I am taking complete responsibility for myself first and foremost, I have less money, but I have more of what I need. Things may be tight sometimes, but it always comes through.
I remember spending my last $200 on a moving van to get all of his things to his mother's (yes, I know I didn't have to, but it was a MAJOR thing to help me let go without feeling regret, and I haven't looked back since), staring at the final $20 bill in my hand, and wondering how I'd make it through the next week and a half until payday with only enough money to pay for the gas to get to work. Went upstairs to check the bank and see just how broke I was, and discovered the IRS had deposited my refund into my bank that exact morning.

HP provides, everything in its own time.

Ponder

Oh dear. Sending good luck and vibes your way.

Thumper

Sending you positive vibes. Financial stress can get overwhelming. You sound grounded in the midst of the anxiety so well done.

bookwyrm

Good luck with the interview and sale - I have lots of things crossed for you!

Buffalo66

Already sold two paintings, and more to come, so I am $1000 closer to rich than I was this morning!

It is hard, because I am selling them at less than half of their original pricing, but...Its a sale, I guess.

I have been here before, probably 10 or so times since son was born, where things came down to near zero.
I have had money disappear that was supposed to be on the way before.

I will get through it, with or without his guilt saddled, Power abusing help.

$1000/in an afternoon, not too shabby, and I have a few other bites.

Its nice to know, and StarCAt, I have been lving on the graces of the HP (financially) since I was a grown up.
I know I am taken care of but, you know what they say, So and so helps those who Help themselves...so, I have to at least stir things up...

lillamy

Awesome!!!

Alone22

Best of luck! Sounds like you are off to a great start!

Buffalo66

I keep trying hard not to obssess over why he is so threatened and angry that I am seeking a job to cover my expenses, to live.

Why the big drama?

Why so much fear?

catlovermi

Three little words:

loss
of
control

Buffalo66

Yes...Loss of control.

And it should not matter to me, I am not engaging with him, he is over on facebook writing bizarre and obtuse nonsense aimed at me.

I just hid him.

But...sometimes I just wonder, how did he get like this? I was not freaking out, threatened when he got a job.

WTH is that all about?

BUt, in the past this kind of assault would have me in a ball on the bed crying, and while I am feeling a lot of anxiety, I have it working for me today, instead of against me, so, yay, me.

Just sucks that he is still so invested in me being "under" his thumb somehow. Its sad, that someone would need that so much to have a sense of safety.

StarCat

Absolutely!
If I hadn't filed my taxes extra early this year, I wouldn't have gotten the refund on time.
You've got to do what you've got to do, my point is just that HP always makes sure that my efforts have succeeded by the time I needed them to succeed.
According to the IRS tracking website, my refund wasn't due until the next week at the earliest. (I filed online this year).


As for his reaction to the potential of his loss of control, all I can say is that if XABF didn't have so many bills, and a desire for really nice things, I probably would have allowed myself to be pressured into quitting my job. As it was, he was calling me constantly, having me work on his assignments instead of mine, and I was too afraid to refuse, even when it negatively impacted my own performance and threatened my job, because he was really forceful about that.
The more dependent you are upon him, the less likely you are to leave, so the less work he has to put into keeping you, and the less he has to worry about losing his enabler, or "looking bad" in public because he's divorced.

It stinks.
But then again, being addicted to alcohol stinks, too.
It's a horrible disease.

Buffalo66

Job interview went well.

Second interview will be scheduled. It seems like a good fit for me, but, the pay may not justify the childcare costs.

I know its a problem for parents everywhere.

Just ran into RAH at the coffeeshop here.
He just acted like I did not exist. nodded at me, like I was some kind of acquaintance. Yes, we did just spend Easter together. Yes, he just freaked out, and entirely withdrew because I asked about child support and went to get a job.

WTH?

Too weird.
BUt, I feel great about the job potential, and I feel great about the art.

Just gonna keep on keepin on.

BTW FWIW---he took all his crazy posts down, posting that he was immediately and aggressively advised to do so by someone he respects....his big brother, maybe.

barb dwyer

whoop for the selling!

ONe little tidbit -

I began photographing
(and when I could afford it - HAVING photos made)

of pieces that I was loathe to get rid of.

who knows someday it maybe a calendar or something.
and it's good for the old portfolio as well.

Freedom1990

That is not talk from someone in true recovery, hon.

Try to stay in the moment, and not create fear by getting into the future. I know, it's easier said than done.

:ghug3

Buffalo66

Freedom1990

I know...
He is all over the "financial amends", until it might not keep me in need of him, and has all but abandoned the other "house he has to get in order" (mental, emotional, spiritual...)

More is being revealed, and man...I am not surprised,, but Id be lyin' if I said I am not disappointed.

I have setbacks in my recovery, but his are more consistent, now, than his progress.

I do feel measurably detached. And thats new

Thanks, all