my aha moment for the day
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by BuffaloGal 
It took me so long to truly learn this. Yes, it is too much to expect from my aexh to treat me with honesty and respect and that won't change no matter how self righteous I am about it. I can scream and rage, or I can shrug and accept it... or I can come here and bellyache about it 
But that's who he is and where he's at.
He recently accused me of having an excessive "sense of entitlement"... well, okay... I feel entitled to certain behavior from my husband and equally I feel obligated to display that same behavior in dealing with him. My error was thinking that he automatically held the same standards too, that they were obvious, that they went without saying. They don't. AHA!!!
But that's who he is and where he's at. He recently accused me of having an excessive "sense of entitlement"... well, okay... I feel entitled to certain behavior from my husband and equally I feel obligated to display that same behavior in dealing with him. My error was thinking that he automatically held the same standards too, that they were obvious, that they went without saying. They don't. AHA!!!
But, if I continue to allow him to treat me in a bad way, then am I really treating MYSELF with respect? Hmm. And, if I'm not, then why should he? Hmm again. Too much thinking this week!
Alanon newbie on fire!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: long beach CA
Posts: 32
[QUOTE=Alone22;2932728]Alcoholics are like slot machines, they pay off just often enough . Thank you! That is how I feel! Too funny and not all at the same time
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: La Grande, Oregon
Posts: 1
Conviction
Oh my goodness! Seems I am getting the same message from many different places in the last couple of days! I CANNOT CONTROL HIM!!!! [B]I[B]must only control ME and how I respond vs. react to the crazyness that is his disease......
HIS disease......good grief! Thank you for your post, Marie.
It is not my place to be the consequence giver, the mother or the judge.....
Now to let go of the' shock and awe' at the words that are spoken from his mouth and realize he cannot be accountable for his words and his choices as long as the drink is ruling his mind..... letting go of the anger that stems from realizing that I have to participate, to some degree, in his recovery even though all I want to do is force him to deal on his own with NO actual contact with myself because I am tired and ....well..... to be perfectly frank....just don't want to! Tired of feeling like I have already put in so much time and effort to making this marriage work.....and...well...dammit! It's his turn! Let him do some work for a change!
My good and all knowing Lord has other plans for me, it seems. Everytime I turn around I am getting the message that I cannot heal unless I forgive and move on........I cannot let go of the control unless I let God do his job and stop trying to do it for him......I cannot forgive unless I am ready to let go of the anger, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust, fear (not of the man, but of the unknown), and I cannot let go of these terrible things if I do not trust and believe that God is sufficient....He will do as he promises and I simply have to trust HIM!
...............easier said than done....but I'm working on it!
HIS disease......good grief! Thank you for your post, Marie.
It is not my place to be the consequence giver, the mother or the judge.....
Now to let go of the' shock and awe' at the words that are spoken from his mouth and realize he cannot be accountable for his words and his choices as long as the drink is ruling his mind..... letting go of the anger that stems from realizing that I have to participate, to some degree, in his recovery even though all I want to do is force him to deal on his own with NO actual contact with myself because I am tired and ....well..... to be perfectly frank....just don't want to! Tired of feeling like I have already put in so much time and effort to making this marriage work.....and...well...dammit! It's his turn! Let him do some work for a change!
My good and all knowing Lord has other plans for me, it seems. Everytime I turn around I am getting the message that I cannot heal unless I forgive and move on........I cannot let go of the control unless I let God do his job and stop trying to do it for him......I cannot forgive unless I am ready to let go of the anger, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust, fear (not of the man, but of the unknown), and I cannot let go of these terrible things if I do not trust and believe that God is sufficient....He will do as he promises and I simply have to trust HIM!
...............easier said than done....but I'm working on it!
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