Why can't I stop crying today?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Why can't I stop crying today?
Started last night actually, but I can't seem to stop.
I thought AH had an appt tomorrow to start group therapy, the appt. sheet has been on the fridge for over a month. Yesterday, when I mention the job interview(tomorrow at 1) and if he thinks he'll be done with his therapy appt by then to watch his son(more on that later) he says "oh no, that's a family appt."
Really? I don't want to go to it, I'm so close and it's just going to make me feel guilty all over again. "How dare I even think about leaving someone with PTSD, it's not his fault he's drinking(mean to you, ignores the whole family) it's the PTSD's fault, etc". I don't want to hear about how I'm not supportive enough.
And then got woken up in the middle of the night to AH stumbling into the bedroom, practically laying down on top of me because he was too drunk to realize what he was doing.
Oh yeah, and the one friend that I thought would be willing to babysit on occasion, can't/won't babysit DS tomorrow. So now I have no idea what I'm going to do about that.
I thought AH had an appt tomorrow to start group therapy, the appt. sheet has been on the fridge for over a month. Yesterday, when I mention the job interview(tomorrow at 1) and if he thinks he'll be done with his therapy appt by then to watch his son(more on that later) he says "oh no, that's a family appt."
Really? I don't want to go to it, I'm so close and it's just going to make me feel guilty all over again. "How dare I even think about leaving someone with PTSD, it's not his fault he's drinking(mean to you, ignores the whole family) it's the PTSD's fault, etc". I don't want to hear about how I'm not supportive enough.
And then got woken up in the middle of the night to AH stumbling into the bedroom, practically laying down on top of me because he was too drunk to realize what he was doing.
Oh yeah, and the one friend that I thought would be willing to babysit on occasion, can't/won't babysit DS tomorrow. So now I have no idea what I'm going to do about that.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Well, if you don't want to go, then I don't see why you have to. It's his therapy, and maybe he should focus on himself a little more before bringing others into it. Granted I don't know your history, but it would seem like the therapist would be more concerned about working directly with him, if he's the one with the PTSD. If the therapist is telling you that his PTSD is an legitimate excuse for his behavior, it might be time to try a new therapist.
Here's something I read the other day, that made me feel better about my crying fest I had on Tuesday...
http://www.joy2meu.com/Grieving.html
"Please feel your feelings. Let those sobs out. We are supposed to feel. It is healthy to grieve. Breathe right into those feelings. Sobs are little balls of emotional energy being released. If you breath into the feelings it breaks up the grief and the little energy balls of emotions can rise up and be released from your being. That is good. Keep taking deep breaths. Get into a rhythm. Inhale, sob sob sob cry cry cry as you exhale, inhale, sob sob sob cry cry cry - that is good. That is healthy. Do not shame yourself for feeling. Do not apologize for your feelings. It means your human. It means you care. Sobs, tears, snot from the nose are all ways of releasing energy and cleansing chemicals out of our body. Grief is not a pretty sight - but it is a beautifully healing and a Loving thing to do for yourself. That emotional energy does not go away just because we stop breathing and choke it back down. It does not disappear. The more you can release, the faster you can move through it..."
It made me feel much better, and explained why i FELT so much better the next day.
Hugs to you
Here's something I read the other day, that made me feel better about my crying fest I had on Tuesday...
http://www.joy2meu.com/Grieving.html
"Please feel your feelings. Let those sobs out. We are supposed to feel. It is healthy to grieve. Breathe right into those feelings. Sobs are little balls of emotional energy being released. If you breath into the feelings it breaks up the grief and the little energy balls of emotions can rise up and be released from your being. That is good. Keep taking deep breaths. Get into a rhythm. Inhale, sob sob sob cry cry cry as you exhale, inhale, sob sob sob cry cry cry - that is good. That is healthy. Do not shame yourself for feeling. Do not apologize for your feelings. It means your human. It means you care. Sobs, tears, snot from the nose are all ways of releasing energy and cleansing chemicals out of our body. Grief is not a pretty sight - but it is a beautifully healing and a Loving thing to do for yourself. That emotional energy does not go away just because we stop breathing and choke it back down. It does not disappear. The more you can release, the faster you can move through it..."
It made me feel much better, and explained why i FELT so much better the next day.
Hugs to you
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Crying is a release of emotional AND PHYSICAL toxicity. This is good. As long as you dont get stuck there.
I find setting time aside each day , same time, preferably, lets me let a little out at a time, so I am not bawling in front of my six year old. ...
sigh
I find setting time aside each day , same time, preferably, lets me let a little out at a time, so I am not bawling in front of my six year old. ...
sigh
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
How about one of those emergency drop off child care services where you could leave your son for the duration of the interview? It would only take 60 to 90 minutes or so to complete the interview...
Call family, friends, neighbors!
Don't let him derail your interview!
And yes, I agree with Buffalo. It's ok to cry.
Call family, friends, neighbors!
Don't let him derail your interview!
And yes, I agree with Buffalo. It's ok to cry.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
I think I'll try calling one of the drop in centers in town, I've never used one before, so I guess I've been a bit leary of it.
And he is going to therapy himself, this was a family session that he scheduled. I will admit, before the rant in January I said something about seeing someone at the VA, he must has asked about it then. But certainly not a "family" session, he comes up with a enough imaginary things(about me) to rant about, he doesn't need real things too.
And he is going to therapy himself, this was a family session that he scheduled. I will admit, before the rant in January I said something about seeing someone at the VA, he must has asked about it then. But certainly not a "family" session, he comes up with a enough imaginary things(about me) to rant about, he doesn't need real things too.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Okay, stopped by one of the drop in childcare's in town(the one that is most convenient to the job interview, I was in town with the younger two to celebrate a potty training milestone with youngest) and got the paperwork. Not something I want to do often though, eek...$5 an hour!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by pixilation 
Okay, stopped by one of the drop in childcare's in town(the one that is most convenient to the job interview, I was in town with the younger two to celebrate a potty training milestone with youngest) and got the paperwork. Not something I want to do often though, eek...$5 an hour!
How was the interview?!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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It went okay I think. the job isn't exactly what I thought I had applied for( thought it said rental agent, not service agent, BIG difference between those two jobs) so if I don't get it, I won't be too upset. He said he'd call me by Monday.
It was worth the $12 I paid the drop in though, because the interview was done in 20 minutes, but I said I'd pick up between 2-2:30, so I went and browsed a few thrift stores, and transferred the rest of the money from the old account to my new savings account. Plus I got to enjoy the sunshine! I paid for 2 hours, plus juice and a snack, since he didn't want to eat lunch.
Oh, and just for a reference on daycare costs here, full time for a child over 2 runs about $150 a week, most daycares drop that price once the child is potty trained. Low cost of living, but that also translates to low wages.
It was worth the $12 I paid the drop in though, because the interview was done in 20 minutes, but I said I'd pick up between 2-2:30, so I went and browsed a few thrift stores, and transferred the rest of the money from the old account to my new savings account. Plus I got to enjoy the sunshine! I paid for 2 hours, plus juice and a snack, since he didn't want to eat lunch.
Oh, and just for a reference on daycare costs here, full time for a child over 2 runs about $150 a week, most daycares drop that price once the child is potty trained. Low cost of living, but that also translates to low wages.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 331
OMG I can totally relate to the crying!!! Crying and crying and more crying. (Did you ever see that movie with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton? the one where he breaks up with her and she goes into hysterical crying mode? LOL).
Cry all you want, it's letting your emotions come out and you will feel better too.
I agree you do not have to go to this meeting if you don't want to, it's up to you.
Cry all you want, it's letting your emotions come out and you will feel better too.
I agree you do not have to go to this meeting if you don't want to, it's up to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
I didn't go to the group family thing either, I looked back at the appt. sheet, and it was printed within a week of his last big rant/rage. So when I said I would go to counseling with him to try to protect myself from the rage(failed big time), he actually followed up on that. Too bad he didn't follow up on the "STOP DRINKING" I yelled at him that night too.
I am still feeling a bit guilty about skipping the session though. Even though I know that nothing good could have come out of it, he would've used anything I said against me at some point.
I am still feeling a bit guilty about skipping the session though. Even though I know that nothing good could have come out of it, he would've used anything I said against me at some point.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
I spent all day crying. I totally feel you.
I have to remember that it won't stay forever. It feels like forever when you're in it.
Finally, I called my sister and she set me straight.
One day at a time.
I have to remember that it won't stay forever. It feels like forever when you're in it.
Finally, I called my sister and she set me straight.
One day at a time.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
God, how I love you people.
I've just spent the whole day crying, too, and now I have to get myself together and haul the kids to a dinner with friends (which I know will be fun and exactly what I need, but if I had my way right now, I'd pull the covers over my head and sleep for a month instead).
I'm sending good thoughts to you other criers out there. Thank you for making me feel, well, "normal"...
I've just spent the whole day crying, too, and now I have to get myself together and haul the kids to a dinner with friends (which I know will be fun and exactly what I need, but if I had my way right now, I'd pull the covers over my head and sleep for a month instead).
I'm sending good thoughts to you other criers out there. Thank you for making me feel, well, "normal"...
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
It is so great to hear that others are crying too!! I thought I was doing so well and then the dam CRYING...
I am telling myself it is all part of the process of finally letting go. We can do this, we really can.
I am telling myself it is all part of the process of finally letting go. We can do this, we really can.
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