not able to put daughter first?

Old 03-11-2011, 09:13 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2009
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I have heard that financial advice and here's the bottom line. I work full time +, my kids are in daycare/before and after school care, I have a mortgage, student loans etc...

Even if I worked 24 hrs a day I would not be able to earn enough to pay all our bills alone.

I didn't buy a home thinking "can I afford this on my income alone?"... and I am not crazy about the idea of accepting that if need be I can declare bankruptcy, default on my mortgage etc...

I would LIKE the ability to retain my credit so that if I divorce my H I can have the ability to get my own house someday or even rent an apt.

I have a professional job, make good money and live in a SMALL state with a terrible job market. My field is laying people off left and right. I should know by next week whether the budget for the coming year means that I and many others will still have jobs or not.

I am not helping my H keep his job but I really don't want to go out of my way to help him lose it either. It doesn't benefit our kids for that to happen. Frankly I don't care if he drinks like a fish (living alone) but maintains a job. I care that he provide for his kids. I am not going to act in a way that will impact this particularly when I am not in harms way nor are my kids anymore...

Not sure if that makes sense...
It makes plenty of sense to me. Get yourself and the girls secured financially, as long as you and they are protected and away from him, you are making good decisions.
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Old 03-11-2011, 11:18 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Shellcrusher's Avatar
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I understand your situation as well. In my case, I can't afford the bills if I divorce the wife...and keep the house. The house needs to go for things to work financially for me and my son.
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Old 03-11-2011, 11:30 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Not sure if that makes sense...
Makes perfect sense. I hope you weren't offended by my suggestion. I was simply trying to suggests ways in which you could extricate yourself from having to be bound to your AH financially. Perhaps, as Shellcrusher mentioned, at some point, the house will have to be sold.
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Old 03-11-2011, 02:59 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I, too, had to forfeit a house, and it was absolutely the right decision. It hurt, and it hurt a lot. It was my dream home and had a beautiful mountain view.

Looking back, it was still worth it.

Take care,

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Old 03-11-2011, 04:04 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I don't know that the stipulation in a visitation order re supervision telegraphs anything regarding his current drinking/not drinking. He has a recent HISTORY of drinking and being violent--that's reason enough to require supervised visitation. His current drinking would only become an issue if he PUTS it at issue--as, for example, claiming that he isn't drinking right now, so no supervision is necessary. At that point, he has "opened the door," so to speak, and you don't have to leave that statement unchallenged. Presumably, his lawyer would tell him that.

My own suggestion is that you contact his lawyer and make this proposal. You could express your hope that he would agree to supervised visitation so you don't have to make his failure to abide by the bail condition an issue with respect to visitation. I think his lawyer will get the message.
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