Seren

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I have posted about my own story and recovery progress.

Briefly the story update....A stepson arrested in October 2010, in jail for check fraud, released early in January. Did not contact us on his release but we received a letter from jail stating he was moving to a coastal city in the state. He borrowed a phone and called his father a couple of weeks ago, didn't say much but said he would call again to "talk" on the weekend or would write a letter. Well, "the letter" arrived at Mr. HG's office today. Bottom line, he wants money for food, taxi to the nearest bus station, and a bus ticket back to our city. Why? Apparently someone stole HIS debit card (payback is rough) and emptied his checking account while he was enjoying the state's hospitality - This part is true as he sent the printout from his bank showing withdrawals during his unfortunate incarceration.



Now, here's the best part . Mr. HG and I are not panicked, we are not scurrying around trying to fix this for him - call the bank, send him money, drive and get him, etc. We know that this is his problem to fix. It is his responsibility to call the police, call the bank, get his money back to he can buy his own bus ticket and his own cab fare. If we do anything, it will be a well thought out response that will not be capable of being used to feed his addiction.

We are calm. We are at peace. We feel no guilt for his situation. Recovery really is a wonderful gift we can give ourselves!!!:day6

Hugs to all! HG

Shellcrusher

Good job.

wicked

yep payback sucks big time.

where have i heard this before? a tv show? movie?

yes, you and Mr. HG are doing great.
Sounds like a lot of personal problems son.
We love you.

Beth

Seren

On Designing Women, the character Anthony Bouvier used to refer to his "unfortunate incarceration". I liked it.....

wicked

oh of course, i watched that every day.
lol
his unfortunate incarceration, and everyone called it that too.

Seren

I loved that show!

Oh, and we are guessing that since we have not heard from him by phone any more and that the letter that arrived yesterday was dated 1/31, that his financial issues have been resolved by the bank!

Hugs all! HG

transformyself

Awesome!

stella27

Good for you and Mr. HG.

hope2be

All of these post are so useful in my path to recovery!
As I read this post, I could clearly see how your stepson's problem was created by him from the get-go. Any by-stander would say "why should you have to do anything? He created this mess, let him clean it up".
Ah hah! There it is..emotional detachment at it's finest. Something that is hard for me as a parent to do. But it is on an emotional level that I must detach, not simply a physical one. I can love them, but not let my motherly emotions control my actions when dealing with any of my adult children.
Thanks hydrogirl for sharing this post. It has shed some light for me. I also congratulate you on not taking the old familiar path of rescuing your step-son.

Seren

((((Hope2be)))) For my husband, this has been a greater struggle than for me. This is his precious son, his oldest child. A parent's natural instinct is to protect their child. But, "Jr." is 29 years old and needs to learn how to take care of himself and to handle life on life's terms. We both have so much more peace now than, say 2 years ago!

Please take good care and know that you are not alone!! HG

Seren

Today I received a message from my A stepson through Facebook. You could have knocked me over with a feather This is interesting because it is the first time he has contacted me directly. Most of his communication to anyone in the family is through his father, Mr. HG.

I guess he found me because I am "friends" with his half-brother and SIL. He apologized for hurting me and said that he could only ask my forgiveness. 'Course he ended it somewhat manipulatively by stating that 'the world and heaven is bigger, more beautiful and graceful than he or I and that God loves us all the same' (i.e., I'm the jerk if I don't forgive him). I guess manipulation, regardless of the situation, is one of the last traits to leave.

Now I'm just mulling over a response if I send one at all. I'm certainly not going to "friend" him because then he would see pictures of our house, and I don't want him to know anything about it........

In the past, this would have sent me into a tailspin wondering and worrying how to respond. Now it's just a decision I will make in my own time and in my own way. What he does not know is that of course I have long since forgiven him. I just don't particularly trust him......

Hugs to all! HG

barb dwyer

wow.

my sister did something similar
by contacting me through her daughter.

and i did the same thing.

decided to think about it.
(yeah - like two seconds LOL)

and came here to post about it.

while I read your post
that old song
"I can see for miles and miles"
went through my head...

Impurrfect

I'm glad to know that when I get blindsided by something, that my reaction is to stop and think about it, while logging on to SR, is what I do now.

It's great that we've gotten far enough in recovery that our first reaction isn't to run around in circles (either physically or in our mind) but stop, then reach out.

(((HG))) - I'm surprised he contacted you, too, but I wouldn't trust him. I can see him thinking that he could get to his dad if he could only win you over. Too bad for him...he doesn't know how far you've come

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Seren

Ain't recovery grand

LexieCat

WTG, it's stunning how things work in the universe with no help from US.