kia

well he phoned me on news eve my voice mail took it as wasnt getting a signal on mobile was wishing me happy new year and to tell me he had just buried his mum that day (have no idea how true this is btw ) and that was it so when i got back in early hours i sent him text back saying i was sorry about his mum (well i think i did although was very late) next day i texted again to apologise for anything untoward id said night before as memory wasnt clear as was shattered then left it at that.

He phoned 5 mins later and we spoke on the phone it went ok i suppose was sorry for alot of stuff but i re enforced that i wasnt taking him back that i was happy way i was and friends was ok i suppose have no idea if i should keep enforcing the NC i mean cos this is progressive i know and isnt likely to get any better i know that too am hoping when the counselling starts and al anon is back after the xmas break ill be able to get my strong head back where it should be.

Today well last few days havent gone well with new male friend been so distant and its hurt and today well id talked myself into fact he was with someone else even though we arent offically a couple yet id felt we were up till last few days doing ok well he did i wasnt coping quite so well in that i dont like been ignored have always been like that i dont do it to others if i can help it and i expect others to be the same sadly ive yet to find one male that does answer all of em within say an hour i mean im not fussy it dont have to be immediate but i do like an answer and last nite didnt even get a nite so wasnt happy.Apparently hes sick and has been sleeping but have no way of knowing if this is true and do not trust one person of the opposite sex or one word that comes out of their mouths, and thats not just from exA even before him all men have cheated on me and one thing ive said to new guy is be honest with me just say it if its a problem cos i always know when somethings up and it makes me very nervous.

So now where i am i in my head not in good place am still depressed i think so well got docs app on wed so may well say im thinking maybe anti depressants is that answer cos this should of lifted by now and its not doing its taking me to get out of bed atm i have aerobic class tomorrow so thats something but am trying to work out a way of getting another dog too i want another lab as i had one before and loved her to bits theres a place down the road sells them so just working out how i can get it do have some gold may well sell as there the exH gifts from few years ago and i dont wear one of em cos it falls off my when i do and could lose it so thats maybe the answer i need some focus in my life i looked into the course at college idea but they dont start now till sept so bit of a wait and the only other ones are recreational which would be ok but i would have to pay for me and much as id love to i need the money for new doggy anyhow enough rambling xxx

JenT1968

I think its a great plan you have there for the doctors. Sorry you're feeling down, I know how that goes, and it can be hard to recognise and nip in the bud, so taking control of your health is a very positive step.

If you want a dog have you thought about a rescue dog? would be cheaper and they need rehoming and then you could save the money for college. Just firing out ideas. Hope you are OK XX

NYCDoglvr

I rescued a dog from a shelter and it was an extraordinary experience.

It helps to put the focus on getting through today. That's all. You're on the right track but sometimes it gets bumpy...