It isn't about him, it is about me.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
It isn't about him, it is about me.
As I was writing in my journal this morning, I finally got it. It isn't about him, it is about me.
I was raised in a alcoholic home, and was the good girl. I focused on pleasing my parents. I followed in the family footsteps of abusing alcohol until 8 years ago. I am married to an alcoholic, and have spent most of my sober years trying to sort through his issues, his problems.
And this is the crux of the problem. Five decades of focusing on others has left me in a hole. It is time to climb out! Claim my life, my happiness. Less time thinking about my unsatisfying marriage and RAH's stalled recovery.
It is about me, not him. That's really the answer.
Just thought I'd share this - hope someone finds it helpful in their journey.
Happy New Year!
I was raised in a alcoholic home, and was the good girl. I focused on pleasing my parents. I followed in the family footsteps of abusing alcohol until 8 years ago. I am married to an alcoholic, and have spent most of my sober years trying to sort through his issues, his problems.
And this is the crux of the problem. Five decades of focusing on others has left me in a hole. It is time to climb out! Claim my life, my happiness. Less time thinking about my unsatisfying marriage and RAH's stalled recovery.
It is about me, not him. That's really the answer.
Just thought I'd share this - hope someone finds it helpful in their journey.
Happy New Year!
and a good share it is!! you got the 
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Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
Life is the sum of experiences that we encounter as go through life. Day to day to struggles and triumphs are experienced by all of the world's creatures. As human beings, when we encounter a challenge, we have freedom to choose how to react. Every decision that we make leads us down another road. We will never come to exactly the same crossroads. Every decision the we make has significance. The tiniest choice that is made reverberates throughout the entire universe.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Trapeze,
I echo your post, and could have written those very words myself!
My sponsor had some sage advice for me, that I am still working on fully incorporating into my life.
"Take care of yourself, and let God take care of your husband. Work on your recovery, and let God lead him where he is meant to be".
I still struggle a bit when I am around him in a tipsly mood and the "isms" rear their ugly head and speak out.
Then I remember progress, not perfection.
I echo your post, and could have written those very words myself!
My sponsor had some sage advice for me, that I am still working on fully incorporating into my life.
"Take care of yourself, and let God take care of your husband. Work on your recovery, and let God lead him where he is meant to be".
I still struggle a bit when I am around him in a tipsly mood and the "isms" rear their ugly head and speak out.
Then I remember progress, not perfection.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
But oh, what a hard, lesson this is to learn. Until I worked out...finally....that I didn't have to fix, change, support or actually do a hand's turn for the A in my life, before I could spend time and focus on me.
It was only after nigh on 20 years, before I learnt to put ME first, instead of always being at the rear of the queue, and managed to actually say NO and stick with it.
Ah, the release from slavery was mind boggling.
You have got the message and now......run with it.
It was only after nigh on 20 years, before I learnt to put ME first, instead of always being at the rear of the queue, and managed to actually say NO and stick with it.
Ah, the release from slavery was mind boggling.
You have got the message and now......run with it.
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