kia

i feel im going crazy that im as nutty as the the exA i was talking to new male friend last nite and jokingly he said if i have to roll up this roll once more ill not talk to u again ,he meant it as a joke cos as he said bit later hes been distracted lately while talking to me and i just lost the plot when he said that got so upset cos i really felt he meant it didnt get the joke side of things think prob my sense of humour has gone now and im so sensitive to some things he says and he doesnt mean to upset me he got so concerned last nite when i did that.

To compound things ive sent multiple texts to him saying sorry and how he must think im nutter his last gf was a complete nutter and now ive got myself into a right state thinking hes gonna be thinking that trying to second guess i suppose thats it and believing that i deserve to not have normal ppl in my life that all i deserve is what the exA gave me and now im left with this mess inside my head and trying to sort it out and live a normal life and have normal conversations will this never end these feelings inside my head thinking ppl think badly of me.I did think last nite thats the full codie coming out in me isnt it in all its glory i think i just needed to let that out dont think anyone can help me though only me but sometimes i hate that im now like this

tjp613

sorry, kia -- it must be a culture clash as I don't understand what you mean by this:

Kassie2

Not sure what that phrase means either - in any case - if you are talking to a friend then you should be able to just clarify and explain you were distracted too. In my experience when dating in the past - I have learned :1) ppl who get distracted when talking to you are often that way period, and 2) those little misunderstandings often are signs or red flags.

I hear you are not sure of what normal is right now that is understandable so you will have to give yourself time to sort it out. Talk to friends and ppl here.

Phoenixthebird

kia, you have been through some tough times so it's normal for you to feel like your sense of humor is gone and that you are more sensitive to what you perceive someone is telling you. It's good to recognitize that this is happening to you. It gives you a starting point for you to know what you need working on.

I'm like that myself. When I first started posting here on SR and someone would make comments I perceived to be against my posts, I would feel invalidated and posted negatively towards them. Then I realized I was feeling this way because I was being overly sensitive and negative about myself.

Not everything someone says in a joking way is funny to me. However, I have learned to relax, look at their entire message they posted, count from 10 backwards, and then analyze if it's worth my efforts to respond or not to respond. After raising three children I have learned how to let the little irritations roll off my back and pick only the major things to "get to me".

You know you don't deserve what your exA made you feel about yourself! That was his problem......NOT YOUR's! As you continue to work on yourself and your positive self-esteem, you will notice you are not so overly sensitive and your sense of humor will return.

“I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.”
“Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away.”
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want.”
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it.”
“It's none of my business what people say about me.”
“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”

Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Love and Peace,

Phoenix

theuncertainty

Yep. I think my sense of humor comes back until I get too tired or triggered and then, poof, gone again...

I do have to be careful though. I tend to deliver jokes very deadpan / straight-faced and people have stopped and asked me "Are you serious?" My brother and cousin each have the same sense of humor, but they've perfected it to an art and even I can't tell if they're dead serious or pulling my leg.

I've done this before and feel like a complete dolt afterwards. After I calmed down, my friend came up and apologized thinking they'd hurt my feelings since I'd apologized so much. Don't be so hard on yourself, Kia. It happens. There are days we're able to laugh at what brings us here, sometimes we can't. Friends go through good days and bad days too, and they understand if we're not perfect.

Hugs.

kia

oh sorry he meant a cigarette roll up xxx

kia

he didnt actually think i was nutter he just calmly said stop been so silly and i felt the air just blow out of lungs in one big go instantly calmer i suppose there will be days like that one but am ok today despite the exA phoning me at 230 am to ask me what i wanted to do about a teddy i had left there i swore at him down the phone and turned the phone off so i got multiple texts today calling me all the names under the sun one day ill come to a point were i dont respond but it really annoyed me him phoning me at that time cos couldnt settle again after that i was livid and had to get up early for aerobic class so wasnt happy this morning so he got quite a nasty one back prob not right thing to do but i felt better doing it xxx

JenT1968

giong off the deep end after a comment I'm sensitive over - check
frantic texts and apologising - check
worrying what recipient will think about my multiple texts - check
repeatedly ringing the person I've texted to apologise for my multiple texts - check
crying in despair that they don't pick up the phone, thinking they'll never speak to me becasue I am a stalkerish nutter - check
unable to sleep for days, questioning my own worth as a friend, a human being, deciding I will die alone because I cannot maintain normal human contact - check

been there, done that. Sounds like you stopped yourself doing the whole thing!

Usually when I did this, people would tell me a couple of days later that they were out. I am still friends with most of the people I did this to, and those I am not, it wasn't this thing that we parted ways over. We all have a sense of humour failure sometimes, are tired, take something the wrong way and snap, you apologised, it's over, don't worry about it any more sweetheart.

We don't have to be perfect for people to want to be in our lives - I have to repeat this often, because I am very far from perfect.

StarCat

"Those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind."

I won't even begin to talk about all the things I've done out of fear that nobody would talk to me again after some crazy tiny insignificant thing I did. I've learned that if my friends are friends, the worst I've done is given them a funny story to mention the next time I meet them for dinner, and if they're not, it's easier to weed them out now over something insignificant than watch them head for the hills when I needed a true friend to talk to.

barb dwyer

I wish I had all the energy I've spend over this lifetime
worrying about how others perceived me.

I think it'd be the energy equivalent
of a facelift and a full body-tuck.

theuncertainty

Heck, I'd be completely PO'd if any one called me at 2:30 am unless it was some kind of emergency, even if I am still awake at that time. If I was awake enough to actually form a coherent sentence it would not be kind.

I know it wouldn't matter if I answered the phone or not, I'd be completely awake and freaked out if I saw XAH's phone number come up. Then I'd be mad that he called me at all. It'd be impossible to get back to sleep.... So yep, I understand hoping I'll get to a point where I don't let him get to me.

Funny phone story just came to mind, thought it'd give some one a grin: Back in high school I had a friend get in trouble with the police and he called me from jail in the middle of the night. I have NO idea why he called me; it's not like my parents would have let me leave the house at 3 am to get him out. I barely woke up enough to say, 'oh, that's nice.' click. In fact, I'd thought I'd dreamed it until Mom read me the riot act for friends calling so late. Poor, stupid guy.

Then, when he did get out, he tried to give me a hard time for hanging up on him. Rolled right over me and I told him to shove it, seems I was much smarter about stupid guys back then. Well, about standing up to them any way. If I was completely smarter about it, I probably wouldn't have been hanging out with him in the first place.

Hang in there, kia. You're going to be all right. You already are.

kia

well the first one was ignored just rejected it turned over and went back to sleep then an hour later tsk not immediatly just enough time to nod back off it rings again i was livid i picked it up and he got a string of swear words down the phone and never gave him chance to speak just put the phone down and turned it off but damage was done was wide awake and took me well over an hour for heart to stop hammering it has occured to me to phone him back today round about mid afternoon when hes prob snoozing cos bless he did have a late nite the lamb didnt he grrrrr and just put phone down but then that makes me as childish as him but was nice to think about for all of 30 secs "note to oneself must change his mobile number in phone to do not answer " cos ive changed homeline already to cheating pi** head so i know its him immeditely i answer it or not even half asleep but think hes got wise to it and tried to phone on his mobile and now apparently hes deleted my number for good as its last time hes gonna use it hmmmm stop watch on how long till next call.

I was just thinking as wll i have fell for classic blame shifting again havent i silly me went for it again dohh!!! didnt take as long to recognise it this time im hoping im getting wiser xxx

theuncertainty

Yep, yep, yep!

Babyblue

Hmm... a flurry of swear words? I read your posts Kia and feel for you. I am also someone who wants to be liked by everyone and doesn't want to cause conflict.

My hope is that one day you will realize your are worth so so much more...and that even calling you a swear word ONE time is one time too many.

Take care of yourself. I see your vulnerability with this guy and he sees it to and he will continue this pattern until you finally decide to go NC.

Big BIG hugs for ya Kia.

kia

have done all but the only point of contact now is via the phone and is easier to not pick it up just last nite caught me off guard as was fast asleep although did cut off the first call and it was me swearing not him he never got a word in edgeways and yes i suppose he expected me to be vulnerable at that time of nite dont think he got his wish though although he has sworn at me in the past he didnt last nite that was me having been woken up is never good idea and i was having a lovely sleep till he woke me so wasnt happy but im cool atm and seemingly hes changed his email cos my one got sent back so is all good maybe hes actually gonna listen and leave me alone now we shall see xxxx