Resentment toward an alcoholic
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Resentment toward an alcoholic
This is my first and probably last time posting on these forums. I don't know if I'm posting this in the correct section.
I grew up in an alcoholic household. As a teenager I convinced myself this didn't bother me - even as my grades continually dropped (I was an honor student, once upon a time). I abused drugs and alcohol, I got into legal trouble ... sex became a means for me to prove to myself that I was worth something.
Years later I've matured. My mother is continually dealing with depression (she is a weekend binge drinker and will sleep from Friday afternoon to Sunday night before dragging herself to work Monday or Tuesday again) and my father has lost most of his health, both physical and mental, continuing to drink himself into a coma every night. He gets so drunk he urinates himself, and when he wakes up from his stupor he verbally abuses anyone and everyone around him.
I'm tired of them. I'm tired of them holding me back because every time I leave I'm ridden with guilt for doing so. I secretly resent them. I've tried to help them for so long and yet they still remain so pathetic. I feel like I can't help them anymore and I have to live for me but know I'd kick myself in the ass if (and when) something happened at home.
Has anyone else lived through a similar situation? What choices did you make?
I grew up in an alcoholic household. As a teenager I convinced myself this didn't bother me - even as my grades continually dropped (I was an honor student, once upon a time). I abused drugs and alcohol, I got into legal trouble ... sex became a means for me to prove to myself that I was worth something.
Years later I've matured. My mother is continually dealing with depression (she is a weekend binge drinker and will sleep from Friday afternoon to Sunday night before dragging herself to work Monday or Tuesday again) and my father has lost most of his health, both physical and mental, continuing to drink himself into a coma every night. He gets so drunk he urinates himself, and when he wakes up from his stupor he verbally abuses anyone and everyone around him.
I'm tired of them. I'm tired of them holding me back because every time I leave I'm ridden with guilt for doing so. I secretly resent them. I've tried to help them for so long and yet they still remain so pathetic. I feel like I can't help them anymore and I have to live for me but know I'd kick myself in the ass if (and when) something happened at home.
Has anyone else lived through a similar situation? What choices did you make?
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