Here goes

Old 11-01-2010, 08:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 105
How are you today? Thinking about you. I know how difficult this time is, and guessing from the number of years of marriage, we may have a lot in common.

Educated yourself with the stickies above, and PM me if you want to.

Take care, focus on you (sometimes we aren't very good at that, it takes practice!) and know that you have strength inside you that you didn't know you had.

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Old 11-01-2010, 08:24 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24
Your story sounds similar to mine. I didn't want to make empty threats, either, so when I had enough I told him I wanted a divorce (13 months ago). My mind was made up, but I was totally unprepared for the pile of promises, pleas and apologies he heaped on me, and caught off-guard and touched, I stayed. Before long, it was right back to Square One.

Two months ago, I had had enough (again), and told him I wanted to be separated from him. Again, he surprised me. This time, by simply refusing. I am making my plans and taking steps to move out; meanwhile, he says he will quit drinking and is "ready for a change". He sways between being humble/apologetic and angry/manipulative. He initally promised to go to AA meetings, but now says he doesn't need to, that he can do this on his own.

I tell you all this to prepare you for what you may have to face, and to offer this advice: Know what you want and what will make you happy and settle for nothing less. Good luck to you, and I look forward to hearing your progress on this journey.
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:52 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: pacific
Posts: 11
Im good, New Chapter, thanks for asking. I will give a quick update.

Last night I got home from work and AH was proud of himself, he had run out of beers on Sunday night and he did not go and buy any, he was drinking coffee. I said plainly "good for you".

I have been waiting have been waiting for a good opportunity, so I immediately said, I know something that would help you with that, Go to aa AA meeting!

He stopped in his tracks, eyes as wide as saucers and with a nervous laugh said "They arn't like me" ( I don't know what that was supposed to mean) but I shot back fast, nice & calmly, "They are EXACTLY like you". I said you don't have to go to one around here, you can go anywhere you want, you will probably meet the best people you have ever met.

I certainly don't expect anything from this, I really don't hold a lot of hope anymore, but at least it has been said.

AND Im still feeling happy, cause Im not in charge of him anymore, its not my problem to fix, that was such a profound thing for me to realise. Many thanks to SR for that.
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:00 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
good for you, keep taking care of You!!
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:16 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
they aren't like me

"i am not an alcoholic. those AA people are. see, i can quit drinking anytime i want to, i can control it, which i have now proven to you by not drinking for 24 hours. i go to work and i mow the lawn. they are not like me because they drink as soon as they wake up. i only drink in the evenings. you are overreacting. i do not have a problem with drink."
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:20 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
well said! i've heard that sort of thing alot. the alcoholic in my life "doesnt' even like being around drunks"....funny, isn't it? I'm thinking i don't like being around them either!
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