TakingCharge999

I woke up late to work. Been working double shifts the last 3 weeks including weekends. No extra pay or anything of course.

My team lead asks why I am not in the office - I proceed to inform him I'm exhausted.

Then a coworker informs me XABF and his "super pal" have been having a party (he now sits closer to them) for the last couple of hours.
I feel good I am not there and tell him "for all I know they may still be drunk since Friday.. or since 2008"

He then asks if I am still not over XABF yet... I feel a knot in my stomach... and tell him there were some traumatic events difficult for people unfamiliar to drunks -for some reason I can't say "alcoholics"- to understand.

For some reason I feel a failure. Then I remember I owe no explanations. But this coworker has been real nice to me before and I consider him a good friend- he is not friends with XABF or anyone on his clan.

I suddenly feel more exhausted than I was.

I am off to work. Thanks for letting me vent. For some reason this whole XABF thing hurts again, sometimes I feel closer to putting it to rest, and sometimes I still feel so much anger and impotence towards him, and I want him to feel SOME consequence?

Then I remember I am not God.
I also know being tired and not eating well has a part on this.

Gladly its Pilates and kickboxing today. Can't wait. Will try to eat better today.
Thank you all for allowing me to express my feelings.

TakingCharge999

So I had scheduled quite an expensive exam. I thought it was in one week. No, it was today and I was a no-show. I don't get the money back. And you know what bothers me, that I have been so exhausted I was not ready for it anyway, didn't even remember to reschedule. So on top of that I lost $250. And have to pay them again. Normally I take these kind of errors in a good spirit and think it's only money. This one I am just angry with myself.

Then I try to leave for work.... Nope- the lock got stuck- waiting for the locksmith.

At least I get to eat at home. And I will stay home for today.

One of those days...

acdirito

•H.A.L.T.=don't get too hungry(h).......or too angry(a)......or too lonely(l) ........or too tire(t)

coyote21

They say, "that which we resist, persists".

This may sound silly, but have you asked HP to remove this residual effect axbf still has on you? Have you tried to let it go? Have you tried to just give up, stop struggling and let the feelings take you over/move through you, for a short time?

I know from my own experience. I've often struggled with something for ever, then it dawns on me, hey let's ask HP. Often times it's taken care of over night.

HALT, don't forget. Happy kick boxing. Sorry for your struggles.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

TakingCharge999

Thanks.

OK. Breathe.

Sent email to boss saying not to expect me as I am not going to the office and I can take him the locksmith ticket, so he sees I am not making that up, tomorrow.

I hope he indeed arrives, and doesn't take that much time, so I can leave to take my classes.



Had an important meeting at 330 - as I can't go, I'll email the person and mention they need to look at my team's work hours. Yes, it all comes down to that.


Ok. Hungry? Yes. Off to prepare something and put the laundry while I am at it.

That's all for now. I'll be back after that. One hour at a time!!!!!!!

PS Thanks coyote I am realizing how much my codependence/victimism costs. Tough blow. I want to cry. Maybe I will,