LS2

I've been praying for God to give me a clear answer if I should stay or go. I think I prayed that everyday last week. Then, this past weekend we were suppose to go camping with another family for one night. ABF decided that Saturday we wouldn't go because of the rain(which was suppose to clear up by Sat morning). But he went out hunting that morning...in the rain..?! I told him okay, the kids and I will still go then. Then the rage in him came out-pointless conversation about how he thinks I will jump to hang out with friends but won't jump for things for him. It sort of boiled down to him saying if "I continue to be more of a "roommate" to him then it will probably cause me to drink again."

We didn't have an argument for about almost 2-3 weeks, I felt like this was sort of God's way of telling me...Gooooo!!!

Argh, Now I just need some courage. I can't live like this.

suki44883

You'll find the courage when you have had enough.

naive

try making a plan then to exit the relationship. a practical plan on paper. i found that very helpful, to write down the steps that needed to happen.

you do not have to live that way if you do not want to. you aren't married to him and he is not your boss.

i find it helpful to affirm to myself "i can do this". it sounds silly but it really helps.

set your goal, break down the steps to acheiving it, remind yourself that it IS possible.

nodaybut2day

Yes, but you also need a plan. Like Naive said, write down your escape plan, in point form, with relevant detail, and see where that takes you...

Income
Place to live
Food
Travel
School/childcare
Basic furniture

Brainstorm like crazy!!! If you put your energy into this, I think you'll find you feel more secure about imagining a life without him. Heck, if you want to post your brainstorm ideas here on SR, we'll be glad to help you figure stuff out!

You don't have to. Step off this crazy ride.

theuncertainty

Good lord, I remember going through the same things with STBXAH. I'd ask if we could go camping, hiking, or just out. We'd plan, he'd later decide we "couldn't," then take off to do the same thing we'd planned only with his friends. If I wasn't at home waiting for him when he got back - or if he found out I went out and came back while he was gone - he'd get mad or sulk for days on end.

Some one on SR recently posted a quote to the effect that courage is being afraid and going forward any way. You can do it, Lindsey. When you're ready, you'll find the ability to move one step at a time.

I second what Noday wrote: brainstorm like crazy and ask us all for help if you need it. And like Naive said, keep on telling yourself "I can do this".

Hugs.

Jadmack25

Honey, you need to get legal advice. As I recall you paid installments to keep the house that is in his name only. Naive and Noday are right, list what you need to do, and break it all down to bits that are easier to handle, and when you have it all ready I have no doubt that YOU will be ready also.

This is not living, it is being used as target practice by a miserable and controlling jerk, and you and those children deserve a better life than this.