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should I just leave now?! Ugh

Old 09-27-2010, 07:36 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Yep, that was what hit me between the eyes. I heard those magic words from a very sick and disgusted, withdrawal exhausted abf a few times, but never got to hear about going back to casual drinking.....he just hit the bottle again anytime from 24 hours to 12 months after the speech, with no warning.

The other day, he was asked to have a beer and answered "no thanks I can't drink". The chap said smiling, "oh, a two pot screamer hey". RABF replied, "hell no, I can get thru aslab with no hassle, but I also tend to tear smartarses like you, into pieces."

Grin left that chaps face.
RABF has said a number of times, that he knows if he drinks he can't stop when he should, so I know that if he does relapse it will be with the full knowledge of what can happen. In which case he will not be involved in any way with me, ever again.
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Old 09-27-2010, 08:53 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Since ending my relationship was the answer to most of my problems and also seemed to be the answer for most of the folks who I've followed over the years on this forum, my answer would be a resounding, yes, leave him.

But notice that I said ending my relationship with my boyfriend solved most of my problems. I still had many issues to deal with after the relationship ended like lack of self-love, lack of self-worth, lack of self-esteem, obsessive behaviors in a host of other areas, and tendency to pick partners who were emotionally unavailable.

The good news is that once I was no longer obsessed with my ex-partner's drinking, I was able to finally focus on me, what I wanted out of life, and the things that bring me joy as opposed to the things that sucked the life out of me.
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Old 09-27-2010, 03:17 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Do you want to leave now?
because if you do, you can, I spent a lot of time thinking I'd have to wait until there is a BIG clear boundary trampling problem, to justify my leaving, all that happened was in the gradually increasing horribleness, my definition of that changed, slipped. I couldn't leave because things were "better" now, even though I was dreadfully unhappy and scared.

it is entirely ok to think "I've just had enough" that things in the past are too big to be fixed within this relationship at the present time, it's ok to decide that you will never not be waiting for the other shoe to drop with this man.

If you don't want to leave now, if you want to step back a bit and see how the future unfolds, and can do that within the relationship, that's a fine decision too. Whichever makes you happiest and works for you is just fine, and you can change your mind at any point.
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:55 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Thanks again my friends for all the thoughtful responses. I'm most grateful.
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:06 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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"A mind is a terrible thing to race." In the Rooms ( a different recovery website I lurk in)
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